Missy: There he is again.
George Jr.: Why don't you go talk to him?
Missy: Are you crazy? Look how beautiful he is.
George Jr.: Sorry, the only guy I'm calling beautiful is me. And maybe David Hasselhoff.

George Jr.: Friday the Thirteenth Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan might be the best one.
Missy: Muppets also took Manhattan.

Adult Sheldon: With my father home from the hospital, my mother had instructed us to let him relax. And what could be more relaxing than a spirited discussion of societal rules and morality?
Sheldon: Dad.
George Sr.: What's up?
Sheldon: I'm struggling with an ethical crisis.
George Sr.: Be a kid. Quit struggling.

Adult Sheldon: My meemaw didn't understand. When I was feeling anxious, it was rules and structure that I found soothing... Not to mention the relaxing melody of the Star Trek theme song.
Sheldon: [humming Star Trek theme]
Meemaw: Stop that.
Sheldon: As soon as I'm soothed. [resumes humming Star Trek theme]

Meemaw: Hmm, all right, you two try and get some sleep, okay?
Missy: Meemaw? Do you think I gave Dad a heart attack?
Meemaw: What? No. This isn't your fault.
Missy: I was really mean to him.
Sheldon: I was mean to him as well.
Missy: What I did was so much worse.
Sheldon: That is true. When we're receiving our punishment, they should really let you have it.
Meemaw: Okay, y'all go to sleep.
Sheldon: But I was just an accomplice. It wouldn't be fair if we got equal punishment.
Meemaw: Sleep.

George Jr.: [on the phone] Well, is he gonna be okay?
Meemaw: You know as much as I do. Now help me find the kids.
George Jr.: I'm on it. I have an idea where they went.
Meemaw: Great. And where are you, by the way?
George Jr.: Uh, at work.
Meemaw: This time of night? Why?
George Jr.: Got to find the kids. [hangs up]

Jana: You sure your boss isn't gonna show up?
George Jr.: Yeah, but not positive. So let's keep this train on the tracks. [pager beeps]
Jana: Aren't you gonna check that?
George Jr.: Nope.
Jana: But what if it's an emergency?
George Jr.: It's not. I'm turning this off. [looks at pager] Dadgummit!

George Sr.: Ugh, come on, Bucky, try throwing it to someone on your own team.
Keith: Is that the Aggie game?
George Sr.: Yeah, we're down by ten. You like A&M?
Keith: I was raised a Cornhusker, but when in Texas.
George Sr.: Huh, science and sports? Didn't know that was a thing.
Keith: It is possible to be a scientist and a normal guy.
[meanwhile:]
Dr. John Sturgis: [as his head is rubbed] May your team be victorious!
[back:]
George Sr.: Not my experience.

Meemaw: Less monkey, more Clint. There we go.

Missy: How am I supposed to compete with a seventh grader? Mom won't even let me shave my legs.
Sheldon: Can we please go home?
Missy: You can. I'm not.
Sheldon: As we've established, woods: very scary, me: very scared.
Missy: Then I guess you're here until the sun comes up.
Sheldon: So I'll be able to see what kill me? Pass. Can you at least go back to complaining about boys so I can get some sleep?
Missy: We licked the same Ring Pop once. It's like it meant nothing.

Dr. John Sturgis: You're my guest. After you.
Sheldon: This is like being around a campfire, only I'm not miserable.

Missy: And then today I found out he was actually holding hands with Nicole at the roller rink.
Sheldon: Who's Nicole?
Missy: A seventh-grader.
Sheldon: So you want to appear more mature to make him like you again.
Missy: I guess.
Sheldon: Hmm. Well, I'd suggest a bow tie, but that's kind of my thing.

Meemaw: So what-what-what's his name?
Missy: Marcus Adam Larson, he's 11 and a half, he has blond hair, his favorite color's green and he's learning how to skateboard, but he's not very good yet.
Meemaw: Okay, well, I have to ask, now... at your age, having a boyfriend, what does that mean? Do you, uh... go out on dates?
Missy: No.
Meemaw: Um... well, d-do you hold hands?
Missy: I wish, but no.
Meemaw: So how do you know he's your boyfriend?
Missy: Because this happened. [hands Meemaw a "check yes or no" paper]
Meemaw: Wow. I didn't realize you had documentation.
Missy: I know.

Ms. Hutchins: Oh, I can't afford a house, but I'm flattered you'd want me next door.
Sheldon: Of course I would. You don't have enough friends to throw a party.
Ms. Hutchins: Yeah, well... Neither-neither do you!

Sheldon: Anything you can do to help me win a decisive victory come Election Day would be much appreciated.
Mr. Givens: Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, the faculty doesn't get involved in student elections.
Sheldon: Oh, I understand. You have to remain neutral. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: I'm sorry, wink, wink?
Sheldon: You want new science equipment and I want that for you. One hand washes the other. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: Oh, sure, wink, wink.
Sheldon: Now you're getting it. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: Wink, wink.
Sheldon: Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: That kid creeps me out.

Dr. John Sturgis: I've been doing science all my life. [stammers] It's time for something else.
Meemaw: Like what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe scrimshaw? That's, uh, carving art into whale bone.
Meemaw: You really want to spend your day carving a whale bone?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know what else I'd do with it.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, you're a scientist. This is just silly.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie... I'm 72 and just lost my dream job. [chuckles] Right now, uh... I think I need to, uh... take a step back.
Meemaw: The Texan in me wants to say get back on the horse. But I won't.

Meemaw: Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.
Meemaw: Friendly advice... next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

Meemaw: So how's everything going with your supercollider?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, up until Wednesday at 6:43, wonderful.
Meemaw: What happened at 6:43?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's when they fired me.
Meemaw: What? Why did they fire you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Eh, probably because of what happened at 6:14.
[flashback:]
Reporter: So, Dr. Sturgis, what would you say to local residents who are concerned about the supercollider's safety? Is there a chance that Waxahachie could be the next Chernobyl?
Dr. John Sturgis: Absolutely not. The supercollider is very different from a nuclear power plant. This can't melt down. The worst it could do would be to create a microscopic black hole.
Reporter: And what would that do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's unlikely, but, uh, it could grow until it swallowed up the entire Earth. And possibly the Moon. Next question.

Dale: I-I just don't understand why you want to go out with her.
Meemaw: You don't? She seems like fun.
Dale: Well, yeah, she is, until you marry her and then you find her sleeping upside down in the closet. No, I mean, seriously. You don't think that having drinks with my ex-wife is a little weird?
Meemaw: You went camping with John.
Dale: Oh, it was weird.

Meemaw: I can't believe we have to drink so much of that garbage.
Dale: [sighs] Well, the important thing is, we get to do it together, dear.
Meemaw: You are so full of crap.
Dale: Well, not for much longer. Excuse me, the festivities have begun.
Meemaw: You're taking that whole thing with you?
Dale: I'm gonna be a while.