Principal Petersen: Hold your horses. If Sheldon walks out that door, our test scores drop hard. That affects funding, which affects your salaries.
Ms. Ingram: Ugh. Well, how can we help?
Principal Petersen: Y'all need to make George and Sheldon so happy here they want to stay.
Ms. MacElroy: Oh, come on.
Mr. Givens: Isn't there anything else we can do?
Principal Petersen: Yeah, Mr. Givens. You could do a better job at teaching the other students so we don't rely on one boy to pull up everyone's grades.
Mr. Givens: Fine. We'll be nice to Sheldon.

Pastor Jeff: Hey, Mary. What's up?
Mary: Can I speak with you about a spiritual matter?
Pastor Jeff: My sweet spot. Sit. What's the buzz? Tell me, what's a-happenin'? Jesus Christ Superstar. It's a great show.

Missy: Ooh. 35 cents off Goober.
Mary: What's Goober?
Missy: Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Think about how much time we'd save.

George: [on the phone] Hey, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: George. John Sturgis here.
George: That's why I said "Hey, John."
Dr. John Sturgis: Great. I was wondering if we could go out for a beer and talk.
George: Oh. Well, aren't we talking right now?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, but we had so much fun last time, I thought we could do it again.
George: Gee, John, last time, you got drunk and threw up in my glove compartment.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did I? [laughs] Well, while I don't remember any of that happening, I promise to be on my best behavior. And the drinks are on me.

Dr. John Sturgis: Anyway, I believe they're willing to, uh, exceed your current salary by a substantial amount.
George: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. They thought it would incentivize you.
George: Well, John, they're not wrong.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent! Na zdrowie.
George: What the hell. Na zdrowie.

George: So, that's why I wanted to give you a heads-up.
Principal Petersen: I got to tell you, George, this is a real blow.
George: Appreciate it. But, uh, yeah, you'll find someone. There's a lot of good coaches out there.
Principal Petersen: Not you. Sheldon.
George: Sheldon? I thought everyone would be thrilled for him to leave.
Principal Petersen: Don't get me wrong, your kid is a royal pain in the ass. However, his state test scores are so extraordinary, the school actually gets more funding because of it.
George: You serious?
Principal Petersen: Serious as the fire alarms, which are now functional. And always were, if anyone asks.

Sheldon: Then Geordi goes missing, but Wesley Crusher has a plan to use neutrinos to locate him, since they'd be visible to Geordi's visor.
George: Is that so?
Sheldon: It is. I recorded the episode. I'll show it to you tonight.
George: That's okay. You did such a good job explaining it, I feel like I saw it.
Sheldon: You're still seeing it.

Ms. Ingram: Oh! There's my man.
Sheldon: Where?
Ms. Ingram: You, silly.
Sheldon: I'm neither a man, nor silly, but all right.
Ms. Ingram: You're so funny, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, well, that I am.

Adult Sheldon: Eventually, my mother relented and returned our things with a few minor adjustments.
Missy: What's The Moosewood Gang?
Mary: They solve mysteries while they learn about God.
Missy: Great.
Adult Sheldon: Georgie got his music back.
Georgie: [as Jesus Christ Superstar plays] What the hell is this?
Adult Sheldon: And as for college, my mother and father discussed it and decided that ten was too young. So I didn't start till the ripe old age of 11. In the meantime I had the key to one sweet bathroom.

Dr. John Sturgis: Na zdrowie! That's, uh, "to our health" in Russian.
George: This is not the place to talk Russian.

Georgie: Scuse me. You Mr. Ballard?
Dale: Yeah, that'd be me.
Georgie: I'm Georgie, Connie Tucker's grandson.
Dale: Oh, yeah. The hair. Very pretty.

Meemaw: Okay, we got a problem. I don't know what kind of religious gobbledygook you're going through, but it is starting to affect me.
Mary: Your hands aren't clean in this.
Meemaw: I beg your pardon.
Mary: Your new friend Dale is encouraging Georgie to be obsessed with money.
Meemaw: Your husband's no good at it. You ought to be happy your son is.

Mary: George is no prize either. Not worrying about what's right for Sheldon.
Meemaw: Well, what do you think is right for him?
Mary: Honestly? I don't know. I know that he's bored in high school, but he's just so young for college.
Meemaw: Well, it sounds like they're trying to set George up there for him.
Mary: I know. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not ready for my baby to grow up.
Meemaw: No mother ever is.
Mary: I just want to keep my family safe.
Meemaw: I know. But at some point, you got to let them go. And then one day, if you're lucky, they'll move across the street from you and absolutely ruin your life. Seriously, get those people out of my house.
Mary: Okay.

George: What's this? "Reserved for Coach Cooper." Would you look at that. They gave me a parking spot right by the door.
Sheldon: Why?
George: I guess they're starting to appreciate my talents around here.
Sheldon: Why?

Mary: I think this show is teaching you bad lessons.
Missy: Don't worry. I'm a slow learner.
Mary: Is that Goober? Where did you get that?
Missy: Georgie got it for me. He's rich now.