George: So, what's up?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, Sheldon has been doing extraordinarily well in his college physics class.
George: I know. He made me put his test up on the fridge, next to Missy's drawing of her hand as a turkey.

Dr. John Sturgis: They thought it would be easier on the family if you were employed at the university.
George: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, that way, you could drive Sheldon and keep an eye on him while he's there.
George: But I'm a football coach. Does the school even have a team?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, yes, they do. They- They don't win much, but they lead the league in injuries.

Sheldon: How was Dr. Sturgis?
George: He's fine.
Sheldon: What did you two talk about?
George: I don't know. S-Stuff.
Sheldon: Science stuff?
George: No. Just regular stuff.
Sheldon: Ooh, I bet he talked about me. What did he say about me?
George: Sheldon, everything isn't about you. Okay? Go to your room.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Mary: What'd y'all talk about?
George: Sheldon.

Georgie: You're a really good salesman.
Dale: Well, yeah. Not only that, I get a kickback on everybody I send down to Ed's.
Georgie: You're awesome.
Dale: I know.

Meemaw: Hey. Dale give you a good price on those weights?
Georgie: Better. He gave me a job.
Meemaw: Damn. He did have fun last night.

Mary: What kind of job?
Georgie: Salesman.
Mary: Well, congratulations.
Georgie: I'm gonna learn a lot from him. He's real good at getting people to spend money on stuff they don't need.
Mary: Well, I don't know if I like the sound of that.
Georgie: You know what I like the sound of? Ka-ching. [opens soda can]

George: [on the phone] Well, thank you. That's a very generous offer. Let me discuss it with my family, and I'll get back to you. Bye.
Coach Wilkins: What was that about?
George: Are you my family?
Coach Wilkins: I don't know. I like to think of myself as your work wife.

Mary: Bit of a kerfuffle at the church today. Pastor Jeff promised Patricia Richards she could sing "How Great Thou Art" on Sunday, but I had already printed in the bulletin that Karen Baker was gonna sing it. They agreed to a duet, but it was touch and go.
Meemaw: Mm.
Missy: What's a kerfuffle?
Meemaw: Not that.

Mary: Missy, let this be a lesson to you. The love of money is the root of all evil.

George: Hey! You would not believe the wheelin' and dealin' I did today. I'm playing the high school and the university against each other. Hey, what do you say we go out to dinner?
Meemaw: Chi-Chi's is good.
George: Ooh, chimichangas.

Ms. MacElroy: These are the flyers for the canned food drive. And, Sheldon, you'll be happy to know, I made sure they were cut perfectly, so that each one has exactly one and a half holes.
Sheldon: But mine has half a hole on the top, and Derek's here has half a hole on the bottom.

Mary: That is it! I am taking this house back from the devil.
Missy: Hey.
Adult Sheldon: I've been accused of overreacting from time to time. But perhaps it's hereditary, because look at my mommy go.

Mary: Greed has entered into your hearts, especially you two.
George: It has not.
Mary: Is that a gold whistle?
George: Huh? No. It's- It's a gift. Now, where's our stuff? We want it back.
Mary: I'm not telling.
George: Mary, don't make me ask again.
Mary: Or what?