Mary: Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus to help you get a good grade on that test.
Sheldon: Shouldn't you have asked him before he took it?
Mary: The man rose from the dead, I think he can fix a test after the fact.
Meemaw: You know, I hear you say things like that, and I wonder if maybe I did have a few too many whiskey sours when you were in my belly.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Before we start, I'd like to get a sense - of how much algebra you know.
Georgie: 'Kay.
Sheldon: Do you understand solving and graphing - linear inequalities?
Georgie: Sure.
Sheldon: Great. Explain it to me.
Georgie: Uh, first you solve 'em and then you graph 'em.
Sheldon: And how do you do that?
Georgie: Uh, you know, carefully.

Georgie: Oh, relax. By passing that test, I get to play football, and you get to go to the train store. Everybody wins.
Sheldon: But what about the truth?
Georgie: What about it?
Sheldon: It's supposed to set us free.
Georgie: Who told you that?
Sheldon: The Bible.
Georgie: Since when do you care about what's in the Bible?
Sheldon: When it helps me win an argument.
Georgie: The Bible also says honor thy father and thy mother. And if you open your mouth, you're gonna make them sad.