George Sr.: Okay, the "X" is you. College is the goal. What stands between you and the goal line?
Sheldon: Mom.
George Sr.: Exactly. She's a tough opponent, so we got to be smart about how we get around her.
Sheldon: Which won't be easy, because she's got Jesus on her team.
George Sr.: Boy howdy.

George Jr.: Do I really got to sit through two graduations?
Mary: Yes. It is a special day for your brother and your sister.
Sheldon: I'm giving the valedictorian speech.
Missy: And I'm singing "This Land Is Your Land" with a bunch of other kids.
Mary: And we are proud of you both equally.
George Sr.: [holding the phone] Guess what. The local news wants to do story on Sheldon being valedictorian [chuckles] Isn't that great? [Mary gestures towards Missy] What?

Mary: Here you go, baby.
Sheldon: I don't know if I can go to college next year.
George Sr.: Are you kidding me?!
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Buddy, I know you're upset. But are you kidding me?
Mary: Don't listen to him. There is no pressure. If you want to spend another year in high school, that is your decision.
Sheldon: I don't know. May I be excused?
Mary: Uh, of course. [looks at George Sr. as Sheldon walks off]
George Sr.: We support you, buddy!

George Sr.: We should hit the road soon. It's a long drive.
Missy: Okay.
Mary: I got your lunches here.
Missy: Extra Fruit Roll-Ups?
Mary: You each got two.
Missy: Thank you.
George Sr.: Thank you.

Cashier: Find everything you need today?
George Sr.: Yeah, think so. [chuckles]
[George unloads a variety of female care products onto the counter]
George Sr.: [clears throat]
Cashier: You don't know what you're doing, do you?
George Sr.: No, ma'am.
Cashier: Would you like some help?
George Sr.: Yes, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.
Cashier: Okay. [puts "Register Closed" sign down]

George Sr.: Nothing to worry about. We got this.
Missy: Really?
George Sr.: Everything you need's right here.
Missy: You're the best.
George Sr.: Come on, I'll show you where the bathroom is. Oh, and there's a very helpful cashier named Gretchen you need to hug. Come on. [they enter the store] Here she is, Gretchen.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: Ugh. He was muttering in his sleep that I am his training wheels. What on earth does that mean?
George Sr.: Well, let's think about it. Training wheels are for little kids. Maybe he doesn't want to be a little kid anymore.
Mary: What does that have to do with me?
George Sr.: [laughs] You have made it your life's mission to hold him up.
Mary: What are you saying here? That I am wrong to love and protect my son? That he doesn't need his mother to keep an eye on him?
George Sr.: I'm not saying that. I... I would never say that.
Mary: All right then. [exits]
George Sr.: [to himself] I'm not an idiot.

George Jr.: I did it. I bought a car.
George Sr.: Really? You got the Mustang?
George Jr.: I was fixing to, but then something else caught my eye.
George Sr.: You did something dumb.

Darlene: Whoo-wee! Ha-ha! Hey, Mary.
Mary: Darlene, good to see you.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, hey. George, how's it going?
George Sr.: Good, good. We were definitely not arguing ten seconds ago.

George Sr.: Can you guys not do that?
Coach Wilkins: Do what?
George Sr.: Be so happy. You're married. Act like it.
Coach Wilkins: How do you put up with him?
Mary: That's a good question. What's your secret?
Coach Wilkins & Darlene: [in unison] Communication.
George Sr.: Oh, God.

Coach Wilkins: Now, I know it's hokey, but at least once a day, Darlene and I say one thing that we appreciate about each other.
Darlene: Isn't that sweet? It was Wayne's idea.
Coach Wilkins: I appreciate you saying that.
George Sr.: And I'm gonna vomit.

George Sr.: Sheldon's not here anymore. Thought it'd be a while before I got called back into the principal's office.
Principal Petersen: [exhales] How's he doing? I miss that kid.
George Sr.: He took a philosophy class and won't get out of bed 'cause he doesn't know what's real anymore.
Principal Petersen: Anyway, uh... We need to talk about Georgie.
George Sr.: Should've seen that coming. What's wrong?
Principal Petersen: Well, he's been cutting classes.
George Sr.: Already? Semester's barely started.
Principal Petersen: He's a go-getter.
George Sr.: Mm. I'll talk to him.
Principal Petersen: Thanks. How's the team looking this year, George?
George Sr.: [grunts] We just had one difficult conversation, Tom. Let's not have another.
Principal Petersen: Smart.

George Jr.: Is this gonna take long? I need to get to class.
George Sr.: From what I hear, you don't care about that. Now, sit. [Georgie sits] What the hell you doin'?
George Jr.: I cut a class. Who cares?
George Sr.: It was more than one, and I care. You start flunking out, you're gonna get kicked off the team.
George Jr.: Fine.
George Sr.: Now you don't care about football?
George Jr.: Not really.
George Sr.: I don't know what's going on with you, but you better get your head out of your ass.
George Jr.: Football's a waste of time. I have a job I could be at.
George Sr.: You made a commitment to the team and you're gonna honor it.
George Jr.: [exhales] We done?
George Sr.: Just get back to class. And I better see you at practice.
George Jr.: Well, I don't know if I can find it with my head up my ass.

George Sr.: What the hell? Why are we getting audited?
Sheldon: What? Are you sure it doesn't say "applauded"? Perhaps for a job well done?
George Sr.: We're being audited for the last three years of our tax returns. I don't get it. I mailed in that check a week ago.
Sheldon: About that. I can explain.
George Sr.: Sheldon?
Sheldon: I just needed some time to prove there were no errors in my work.
George Sr.: What did you do?
Sheldon: I took the check before Mom mailed it.
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: But I called the IRS and sorted things out.
George Sr.: Clearly you didn't. I told you to let it go.
Sheldon: I'm sorry.
George Sr.: This could end up costing us a fortune.
Sheldon: I can fix it.
George Sr.: No. I'm gonna hire an accountant and have him handle it right.
Sheldon: But I want to help.
George Sr.: You've helped enough. Go to your room.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.

George Sr.: So how's it look? Do I owe a lot of money? I don't have a lot of money.
Nancy: Mm-hmm, I can see that. Who did these?
George Sr.: Why? Is it that bad?
Nancy: They're impeccable.
George Sr.: Oh... Actually, it was my son.
Nancy: Well, why don't you just use him for the audit?
George Sr.: He's 11.
Nancy: An 11-year-old did these?
George Sr.: Actually, he might've been nine at the time. I'm not good with birthdays.

Mary: Do you have any plans Saturday?
George Sr.: Why? There a Church thing?
Mary: No.
George Sr.: I'm free.

Mary: Good, because Brenda's having a rough time and I want to show her some fun.
George Sr.: Fun? [snorts] You?
Mary: Yes, me.
George Sr.: Sorry, that came out wrong.
Mary: I know how to have a good time.
George Sr.: Of course you do. That came out wrong, too.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Where you gonna take her?
Mary: Well, I haven't decided yet, but I did find a coupon to Muriel's Tea Room.
George Sr.: Ooh, tea room, that sounds like a blast. Boy, I am not good at this.
Mary: Whatever we end up doing, Billy's gonna be hanging here with Sheldon, so you need to watch them.
George Sr.: I'm happy to do that. That one sounded pretty good.

Mary: I'm leaving soon. How do I look?
George Sr.: Good, actually.
Mary: Well, you don't have to sound surprised.
George Sr.: Well, it's nice you want to look good for Brenda Sparks.

Mary: What are you looking for?
George Sr.: Deck of cards.
Mary: Why? You gonna play with the kids?
George Sr.: Of course not. I-I invited the guys over for poker.
Mary: You're supposed to be babysitting.
George Sr.: They don't want me around. They're gonna be watching TV.
Mary: But do you really need to be gambling?
George Sr.: I thought you were trying to be fun tonight.
Mary: I am.
George Sr.: Well, this seems like a good place to start.
Mary: You have a nice time with your friends.
George Sr.: Thank you.
Mary: But so help me, if the house smells like cigars when I get home, you will not hear the end of it.
George Sr.: It's your first day being fun. Y-You keep trying.

Coach Wilkins: You have a serving bowl I can put these in?
George Sr.: A serving bowl?
Principal Petersen: I didn't realize we were playing poker with Martha Stewart. [Mr. Givens laughs]
Coach Wilkins: I will make civilized men of y'all if it kills me.
Mr. Givens: I was just laughing 'cause he's my boss.
George Sr.: I'll get you a bowl.