Mary: Where you going?
George: To meet Dale at the bar. [sighs] I really don't want to hear about this relationship anymore.
Mary: At least he talks about it. My mom just wants to drink and pretend she's fine.
George: That sounds great. Hey, maybe you and I can switch. I'll-I'll finish the dishes, you go hang out with Dale.
Mary: We can't switch.
George: Sure you can. Grab your coat.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Sheldon: Paige? Why are you here?
Paige: The lecture.
Sheldon: Well, if you're looking to jump the line, I don't do cutsies.
Paige: No, I'm actually part of the lecture. Professor Patterson is my mentor at U.T.
Sheldon: Really? You're part of the quantum gravity team?
Paige: Yeah, it's actually really interesting. We've been examining all...
Sheldon: I know what it's about. It's why I've been waiting in line for three hours.
Paige: Wow, three hours to see me speak? I didn't know you were such a fan.

Paige: Your neighbors let you hang out with them?
Sheldon: I'm basically the social glue of our floor.

Mary: Oh, I know that you're hurting, and... I'm here for you, so... what do you need?
Meemaw: Great, take me drinking.
Mary: It is 3:30 in the afternoon.
Meemaw: Yes, it's called happy hour.
Mary: I have to make dinner.
Meemaw: Oh, fine. I'll just be sad and drunk by myself. Maybe I'll go home with the bartender.
Mary: Missy! I have to go out with your meemaw, but I'll be back later with KFC.