Mary: I'm sorry, Sheldon, but you're gonna have to tell them no.
George Jr.: I got a job and a cool garage to live in. [Mary sighs]
Sheldon: This doesn't have to be permanent. I can always go back.
Mary: People always say that, and then life gets in the way. I was gonna go to college after I had Georgie, and then I didn't.
George Jr.: And look how her life turned out.

Amber: Excuse me. Do you have a recommendation?
George Jr.: Well, you can never go wrong with John Candy. But, and this is just one man's opinion, Pauly Shore is a comedy god.
Amber: Really?
George Jr.: You may pee your pants. And if you do, there's a Laundromat right next door.
Amber: [laughs] Well, I will watch this and let you know.

Amber: You got any other recommendations?
George Jr.: Well, there-there is a Mexican restaurant down the street that's pretty good.
Amber: I do like Mexican food.
George Jr.: Hmm, we should go there sometime.
Amber: I'm free tomorrow.
George Jr.: Cool. It's a date! Sorry. That was a little loud. I'm just excited. For our date!

Amber: But my dream car is a Mustang.
George Jr.: Oh, really? I used to have one.
Amber: And you traded it in for this? Why?
George Jr.: Well-well... ...I had my reasons.
Amber: Oh, you wanted to look like a soccer mom?
George Jr.: No. It's- It's good for hauling stuff.
Amber: Ah, and they were all sold out of trucks?
George Jr.: No, I just needed...
Amber: Something big to carry your purse?

George Jr.: You know that girl at the video store?
Amber: The giant, pregnant one?
George Jr.: Yeah. [looks at Amber]
Amber: No.
George Jr.: Yeah.
Amber: So, you two are...
George Jr.: No. We're having a baby, but we're not together. In fact, she's the one who told me I should ask you out.
Amber: Well, that's not weird.
George Jr.: Really?
Amber: No, it's weird.

Amber: Since we're being so honest, I should tell you... I didn't really think Pauly Shore was funny.
George Jr.: What?
Amber: Yeah. I just said it 'cause I wanted to talk to you again.
George Jr.: [smiles] So, I didn't scare you off?
Amber: Look, it's strange, but I've got stuff, too.
George Jr.: Like what?
Amber: Well, I can't believe I'm saying this on a first date, but I'm going through a divorce.
George Jr.: Huh. I'm sorry. How long were you married?
Amber: A year.
George Jr.: Ooh, a whole year. Sounds like you really gave it a try. [Amber laughs] Do you still have feelings for him?
Amber: Do you still have feelings for her?
George Jr.: Mm, I asked you first.
Amber: It's complicated.
George Jr.: Boy, is it. I went to two full-grown men for advice. Neither of 'em had a clue.

Doreen: Hey. Look what your machine did to my underwear.
George Jr.: Made 'em huge?
Doreen: It dyed 'em pink.
George Jr.: Oh, right. Here. Next wash is on us. I got to go check on something in the back.

George Jr.: Sorry, I'm a little short-staffed today. I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. All right. There's your teddy bear. Here's your cash. Teddy bear. Cash. Teddy bear. Hey, this is a dry cleaning ticket. Get out of here. Punk.

Mary: Who is Amber?
George Jr.: A girl I'm seeing.
Mary: Does Mandy know?
Mandy: Know what?
Mary: Oh, nothing.
George Jr.: It was actually her idea.
Mandy: What, Amber? Oh, yeah, I know.
Missy: She's divorced.
George Jr.: What? Don't worry, she ain't old. It's just she got married too young.

George Sr.: Why do you want to go?
George Jr.: Well, I'm gonna be at the birth, but I can't go to the party?
Missy: How do you know she wants you at the birth?
George Jr.: Who's gonna catch the baby?

Amber: Are we still on for Sunday?
George Jr.: [sighs] Sorry, can't. Mandy's having a baby shower.
Amber: You're going to that?
George Jr.: No, but I promised I'd hang out with her dad and brother, so... Is it weird to talk about this stuff?
Amber: Would it be weird if I talked about my ex-husband?
George Jr.: Depends. What would you say?
Amber: [sighs] I don't know. Maybe that he's six-four, weighs about 240 pounds, got a short fuse.
George Jr.: Yeah, I don't want to hear that.

Amber: Well, I'm fine if you want to talk about your situation.
George Jr.: Oh, great, 'cause I need some advice. So, should I get Mandy a present?
Amber: You mean, like a baby gift?
George Jr.: Or for her. You know, like, "Thanks for making the effort"?
Amber: [scoffs] I don't think I would engrave that on anything, but... could be sweet.
George Jr.: Cool. You were just playing about your ex being that big, right? [Amber shakes her head] But the divorce was a mutual thing? He wanted it, too? [Amber shakes her head] He ain't in there, is he? [Amber laughs]

Mandy: So, uh, what are you doing here? You know you're not invited to the shower, right?
George Jr.: I know. It's just, everybody's bringing presents for the baby today, so I wanted to bring one for you.
Mandy: Georgie, thank you.
George Jr.: Open it.
Mandy: Okay.
George Jr.: Sorry for the Christmas paper. That's all we had.
Mandy: [looks at heart-shaped locket] It's beautiful.
George Jr.: Look inside.
Mandy: What am I looking at here?
George Jr.: It's the sonogram of our little girl. I'm not an idiot.
Mandy: [chuckles] [sighs] That is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I-I... I love it.

Jim: He's an artist.
George Jr.: Cool.
George Sr.: Like, the, uh... the guy on TV that paints the clouds.
Connor: Uh, my stuff is a little more, uh, abstract.
George Jr.: Oh, sure. That means it doesn't look like stuff.

George Jr.: I got to tell you, I think the Cowboys are gonna take it all the way this year.
Connor: Not really into football.
George Jr.: Seriously? [Connor shrugs] That's cool. You like cars?
Connor: Not really.
George Jr.: Music?
Connor: Yeah.
George Jr.: Great. Who do you like?
Connor: The Smiths.
George Jr.: I don't know them. Guns N' Roses?
Connor: [scoffs] Corporate rock sellouts.
George Jr.: Yeah, well, sellouts who kick ass, so...

George Jr.: So, Connor, what was your sister like as a kid?
Connor: Um... we really didn't get along. Yeah, she was older and loved picking on me.
Sheldon: The same thing with me and Georgie.
Connor: Once, she replaced my toothpaste with a tube of hemorrhoid cream.
George Jr.: [laughs] Remember when I used to sit on your head when you'd watch Star Trek?
Sheldon: I do.
George Jr.: Guess what I did when they'd fire their phasers.
Sheldon: You don't need to say it.
George Jr.: I farted. [laughs] Hilarious.

George Jr.: How's a dog supposed to read a subpoena?

Mandy: [sighs] Hey. I didn't know you were here.
George Jr.: Just checking out the loot. This is amazing. Why don't all bras do this?
Mandy: Take that off.
George Jr.: Well, that's what's great: you don't have to. Look at this.
Mandy: The father of my child.
George Jr.: Ooh, nipple cream. Maybe I should've went to this party. Sounds fun.

George Sr.: Need a break from Connie?
Mandy: I'm just trying to give her and Dale some privacy.
George Jr.: Gross.
Mary: Oh.
George Jr.: What? [off Mandy's look] Oh, nasty. Wait, sex, right?
Mandy: Yeah.

Mary: Missy's at a sleepover if you want to use her room.
Mandy: I might take you up on that.
George Jr.: You'll be safe here. They never do anything.