Sheldon: Okay. Negative numbers are numbers that are less than zero.
Billy Sparks: But zero's nothing.
Sheldon: Yes.
Billy Sparks: So how can you have less than nothing?
Sheldon: Let's see. How about this? If you have a dollar, that's one. If you have no dollars, that's zero. But if you owe me a dollar, that's negative one. Does that make sense?
Billy Sparks: I think so.
Sheldon: All right, we're making progress.
Billy Sparks: Mom! I owe Sheldon a dollar.

Sheldon: Okay, your basic arithmetic skills are disappointing but functional.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Sheldon: All right, let's talk about negative numbers.
Billy Sparks: I'm all ear.
Sheldon: "Ears."
Billy Sparks: No. "Ear." This one's clogged.

Meemaw: What's going on with you?
George Jr.: Just trying to stay busy. Keep my mind off the fact that the mother of my child doesn't want me around.
Mary: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
George Jr.: Hey. Maybe you could put in a good word for me.
Meemaw: And what would that word be?
George Jr.: Take your pick. Dependable. Hardworking. Trustworthy. Sexy.
Mary: Georgie.
George Jr.: You're right. Sexy's how I got into this pickle.

Sheldon: All right, I'm given to understand you have a test coming up on negative numbers and fractions.
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
Sheldon: So, what part don't you understand? [Billy is silent] Oh, boy. Let's take it back a step. Where do you stand on addition, subtraction, multiplication and division?
Billy Sparks: I'm against it.
Sheldon: [exhales] [quietly] Oh, boy.

Meemaw: How about this... Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
Missy: Okay. And if he doesn't like me back, I'll just keep being mean to him until he does.
Meemaw: I don't know why that works. Men are dumb.
Missy: Does that mean we're dumb for liking 'em?
Meemaw: It's not a good look for us.

Mary: I thought you were with Missy.
Meemaw: Oh. I thought it was a good idea if she talked to Mandy. They're closer in age.
Mary: She threw you over, didn't she?
Meemaw: Without hesitation.
Mary: Stings, don't it?
Meemaw: It do.

Billy Sparks: You can cheat off me if you want. I studied.
Missy: [whispers] Thanks.
Adult Sheldon: I'm not saying it was God or zero, but a small miracle did happen that day. Billy passed the test with a 68 and went on to the seventh grade. Where he remained for the next several years.

Mary: Well, regardless, I'm glad Missy has someone she can talk to.
Meemaw: Like a big sister.
Mary: Yeah.
Meemaw: Who got knocked up by a 17-year-old knucklehead.
Mary: Why does she want to talk to her instead of us?
Meemaw: Pisses me off.

Billy Sparks: One question... How can you have zero if zero is nothing?
Sheldon: It's not something that you have. Zero represents a state of nothingness.
Billy Sparks: What does that mean?
Sheldon: It's nothingness. The absence of somethingness. Trust me, zero is a thing.
Billy Sparks: But you just said it's a nothing.
Sheldon: I did.
Billy Sparks: Which is it? A something or a nothing? [exploding sound] [wind whooshing]
[Sheldon is silent]

Sheldon: We have a problem.
Dr. John Sturgis: What?
Sheldon: Zero might not exist.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckles] Of course zero exists.
Sheldon: Great. Then explain it to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Easy. Zero is nothing.
Sheldon: But how can nothing be a thing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Think of it this way... Picture an empty box.
Sheldon: All right.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's in the box? Nothing.
Sheldon: It's not nothing. Air, atoms, molecules... That empty box is as full as full can be.

George Jr.: So what are we doing here?
Mary: We are peeling potatoes.
George Jr.: Cool. Why?
Mary: 'Cause we're making mashed potatoes and we don't want the skins in 'em.
George Jr.: Uh-huh. Why?
Mary: 'Cause mashed potatoes are supposed to be smooth.
George Jr.: Hmm. [chuckles] You know a lot about potatoes.
Mary: Go ahead. Peel one.
George Jr.: You think I'm ready?
Mary: Only one way to find out.

Mandy: Any updates on Kevin?
Missy: I did what you said and was nothing but nice to Heather.
Mandy: Okay. How'd that go?
Missy: So good.I found out she stuffs her bra.
Mandy: Huh. See? When the time is right, you can destroy her with that.
Missy: That's gonna be a good day.
Mandy: And that trick isn't just for middle school. That's something you can use for the rest of your life.

Mandy: Oh, stop. You could totally be a weather girl.
Missy: No. They're all perfect and blonde. Like you.
Mandy: Anybody can be blonde. [scoffs] You think Madonna's really blonde?
Missy: What?
Mandy: [whispers] She's a brunette.
Missy: What about her Blond Ambition Tour?
Mandy: Ha. More like Bottle Blond Ambition Tour.
Missy: Funny and beautiful. No wonder my brother put a baby in you.

Sheldon: I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Billy Sparks: If you mean I'm gonna be left back, it's okay. You tried.
Sheldon: No. Well, maybe. I have bad news about zero. It doesn't exist.
Billy Sparks: So I was right?
Sheldon: No one is more shocked than I am. I can't help you with your test. Without zero, I don't even know what math is anymore.
Billy Sparks: Hmm.
Sheldon: Yeah. Hmm.
Billy Sparks: What if we just pretend it exists?
Sheldon: Are you saying to accept zero as an act of faith?
Billy Sparks: Was I?
Sheldon: I think so.
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Sheldon: My mom accepts God as an act of faith, and zero is way more useful than God.
Billy Sparks: Do not say that around Pastor Jeff.
Sheldon: Think about it. Without zero, we wouldn't have calculus. Without God, we wouldn't have Spanish Inquisition.
Billy Sparks: I know the Spanish word for "fajita."
Sheldon: And don't forget... before the Big Bang, there was actually nothing.
Billy Sparks: It's "fajita."
Sheldon: So you could say the entire universe was born out of zero. Meaning that zero created the universe, not God.

Billy Sparks: Maybe we should pray to it.
Sheldon: I think we should.
[Sheldon and Billy get down on their knees to pray]
Sheldon: Zero, it's me, Sheldon. I know I doubted you, but in my defense, you're literally nothing. I would like to thank you for all the gifts you've given us... The null set, Fibonacci sequence, binary language. I could go on ad infinitum, but not without you.
Billy Sparks: [whispers] Ask Zero to help me pass my test.
Sheldon: Zero's not magic. You still have to study.
Billy Sparks: Oh. Then I'm going back to Jesus. Jesus, please help me. I'm already the biggest kid in sixth grade.
Sheldon: Amen.
Billy Sparks: Amen.

George Jr.: Damn it, Missy. I'm two seconds away from peeing in your mother's prayer garden.

Sheldon: Good news. I think Billy might pass his math test tomorrow.
Missy: There's a math test tomorrow?
Sheldon: Your hair is upsetting me.

Meemaw: Here you go... Scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
Mandy: Thank you. Looks amazing.
George Jr.: Where's mine?
Meemaw: You're not pregnant. She is.
George Jr.: Well, I like to think we're pregnant.
Mandy: Really? Are your ankles swollen? Did you throw up this morning? Are you constipated?
George Jr.: No, dear.
Mandy: Stop calling me "dear." I'm not your dear.

Mandy: Hope you like tuna salad. I brought you a whole tub.
Meemaw: How old is it?
Mandy: I don't know, but the clock's ticking.

Brenda Sparks: [o.s.] Billy! Stop feeding the chickens Cap'n Crunch!
Billy Sparks: [o.s.] But they like it.
Brenda Sparks: [o.s.] We've been over this. You don't eat their food, they don't eat yours.

George Sr.: Never mind. Yeah, I told Brenda teaching wasn't really your thing.
Sheldon: Well, it's not that I can't do it.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it. You're good at a lot of things. Teaching just ain't one of 'em.
Sheldon: I know what you're doing. It's reverse psychology.
George Sr.: I don't know what you're talking about. [walks out]
Sheldon: It's childish and obvious.
George Sr.: [o.s.] So you'll do it?
Sheldon: Yes, I'll do it.

Brenda Sparks: He's failing math, and they might hold him back.
George Sr.: That's rough.
Brenda Sparks: I try helping him, but math was never my strong suit.
George Sr.: Yeah, I hear ya. And when you do try to help 'em, they realize how dumb you are.
Brenda Sparks: You think... Sheldon would help Billy?
George Sr.: [sighs] I'm not sure helping others is where he shines. Pissing 'em off... He's got that down cold.

George Sr.: [knocks] You busy?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm also excellent at bifurcating my cognitive abilities. Hit me.
George Sr.: [sighs] Billy is struggling with math, and, mm, his mom was hoping that you could tutor him.
Sheldon: I could.
George Sr.: Great.
Sheldon: But I won't.
George Sr.: Why not?
Sheldon: Because me teaching Billy is like trying to use the gravitational power of a neutron star to change the spin of a boson.
George Sr.: Don't do that. If he doesn't pass math, they're gonna hold him back.
Sheldon: That's the system working. Very Darwinian.

Missy: I told Heather that I liked Kevin so she could find out if he liked me back. Then she asked him out.
Meemaw: What?
Missy: She didn't even think he was cute until I said I liked him.
Mandy: Well, why'd you tell her?
Missy: She told me to.
Meemaw: 'Cause that's how you find out if somebody likes you in school.
Mandy: That's o-one way.
Missy: Why? What would you have done?
Mandy: Uh, well, you put him on Heather's radar when you said you liked him. I probably would have dropped a note in his locker or asked one of his guy friends.
Missy: That makes so much more sense. Why didn't you tell me that?
Meemaw: I gave you good advice. It's not my fault Heather sucks.
Missy: [scoffs] So what do I do now?
Meemaw: Well, the first thing...
Missy: I was talking to her.

Meemaw: You want breakfast, eggs are here, stove is there. Knock yourself out.
George Jr.: I get she's pregnant. I don't know why you're so moody.
Meemaw: On the count of three...
George Jr.: I'm leaving, I'm leaving. Have a good day, Mama.
Mandy: Ugh.

Mary: Hey, Mandy.
Mandy: Mrs. Cooper.
Mary: What brings you here?
Mandy: Just saying hi to Georgie.
George Jr.: Why, hello to you, too.

Billy Sparks: [o.s.] Mom, look!
Brenda Sparks: That chicken is not a hat!

Mary: Hey. How was school?
Missy: Sucked.
Mary: Language.
Missy: You asked, and it did.

George Sr.: Oh. Hey. What's up?
George Jr.: Nothing. Nada. Absolutely nothing.
George Sr.: Where are the kids?
George Jr.: Well, I believe Sheldon's at Billy's.
George Sr.: Oh, good. He's helping him. And Missy?
George Jr.: Missy...
Mandy: That's a good question. I haven't seen her.
George Jr.: I have not seen her, personally, myself.

Missy: I can probably be homeschooled, right?
Mandy: It's okay. We can fix this.
Missy: Before my parents get home? They're gonna kill me.
George Jr.: Oh, man. Look at your head.
Missy: Shut up!
Mandy: Georgie, don't make this worse.
George Jr.: There's worse?

Dr. Linkletter: What's wrong?
Dr. John Sturgis: Zero.
Dr. Linkletter: Zero is wrong?
Sheldon: Zero doesn't exist.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't understand.
Dr. John Sturgis: Neither do we.
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, there's no such thing as zero.
Dr. Linkletter: That's preposterous. Of course there is.
Dr. John Sturgis: Prove it, tough guy.

Missy: Mandy's taking me to dinner.
Mary: What about homework?
Missy: Don't have any.
George Jr.: Can I go with y'all?
Mary: I thought you were helping me cook.
George Jr.: Hang on. Can I?
Missy: No. It's girls' night. Bye.
George Jr.: [holds up bloody potato] Might want to wash this one off.

Missy: I'll see ya later.
Mary: Where you going?
Missy: To dinner.
Mary: [scoffs] I'm cooking.
George Jr.: Actually, we're cooking. Actually, we're bleeding.

George Jr.: Need any help making dinner?
Mary: You?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Mary: Since when?
George Jr.: Since I thought I should learn to cook for Mandy and the baby.
Mary: Georgie, that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
George Jr.: Well, I'm a sweet boy.

Dr. John Sturgis: Regardless, zero is very important.
Sheldon: I'm not saying it isn't important. I'm just saying the little round guy ain't real.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're being silly. Zero is a number, like every other number.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? Can you divide with it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well... No.
Sheldon: In fact, the Greek philosopher Parmenides said, "Nothing cannot exist, because to speak of something is to speak of something that exists."
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I suppose... you could look at it that way.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, zero isn't real. [exploding sound] [wind whooshing]
Dr. John Sturgis: I feel dizzy.

Meemaw: Oh, it's killing you, isn't it?
Mary: What? No. I... I am happy that she has an adult she can confide in about... Come on. Just tell me.
Meemaw: I would. But the bond between a girl and her grandmother is... sacred.
Mary: I am her mother and I am your daughter. Give me something.
Meemaw: [sighs] It's just boy stuff, okay?
Mary: [exhales] That she'd rather talk to you about.
Meemaw: That's right. [Mary sighs and starts eating the cake] There you go. Eat those feelings.

Missy: And then he walked right on by me like I wasn't there.
Meemaw: Does he even know you like him?
Missy: I don't know. I've ignored him, been mean to him. What else can I do?
Meemaw: Sounds like you've tried everything.

Missy: You are so wise.
Mandy: Well, I have lived a little.
Missy: And so pretty. You should be on TV.
Mandy: Actually, when I lived in San Antonio, I was a weather girl.
Missy: Oh, my God, you were a TV star?
Mandy: Monday through Friday, 5:00a.m., right before the farm report.
Missy: Okay, you're, like, my new hero.

Meemaw: I've got an idea. Why don't you just tell him?
Missy: But what if he doesn't like me back? I would die.
Meemaw: You will not die.
Missy: Oh, yes, I will. I will be dead, and you will be sad at my funeral.

Mary: What happened?
Missy: I don't want to talk about it.
Mary: Are you sure? I'm a pretty good listener.
Missy: Then why didn't you hear me say I don't want to talk about it?
Mary: Is this about a boy?
Missy: Mom.
Mary: I-I do have some experience on the subject.
Missy: Please, the only two boys you have experience with are Dad and Jesus. I'm gonna go talk to Meemaw. [walks off]
Mary: I know other boys.

Missy: Tomorrow, I'm gonna tell Heather what a bitch she is in front of everyone.
Mandy: No, no, no. Don't show your cards. Tomorrow, you're gonna be her best friend.
Missy: Why?
Mandy: 'Cause then she'll tell you things, and you can use those things against her.
Missy: Oh. You're good.
Mandy: I know.
Missy: It's nice to have someone to talk to about this stuff. My mom's pretty religious, and my meemaw's kind of old.
Meemaw: Hey. I'm sitting right here.