Principal Petersen: I know I'm opening myself up for cheap shots, but I'm thinking about getting a rug.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, they're called hair systems now. My brother just got one. He went from bald to Rick James like that.
Principal Petersen: I'm just trying to get back out there with the ladies. Wouldn't hurt having something up here, you know, for them to hold on to.
Coach Wilkins: Good for you. Although the right gal wouldn't care.
Principal Petersen: Says the man who doesn't have to put sunblock on his head. [both laugh]

Coach Wilkins: [supressing sobs] Just miss him, you know? [blows nose]
Mary: I do.
Coach Wilkins: I used to... I used to mess with him by telling him he was my best white friend, you know. But... but the truth is that he was my best friend.
Mary: And you were his.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, that's nice to know. I'm not helping, am I?
Mary: That's okay. Are you hungry? We've got lots of food.
Coach Wilkins: [blows his nose] Yeah, I-I could eat.
Mary: Hope you like casserole.
Coach Wilkins: I do like casserole.

Coach Wilkins: I cleaned out George's desk. Uh, thought you might like his stuff.
Mary: Thanks.
Coach Wilkins: I just wanted you to know that if there's anything that you or the kids need... [crying] I'm here for y'all.
Mary: Oh, Wayne.
Coach Wilkins: I mean it. Anything that you need.
Mary: Thank you. [hugs Wayne] I appreciate that. [Wayne sobs] You doing okay?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me. [sobs]
Mary: Okay. Let me get you a tissue.

George: Great practice. Let's gather round, take a knee. All right, Coach. They're all yours.
Coach Wilkins: Thank you, George. Look at you guys. Young, strong, all your hopes and dreams in front of you. None of you have any idea of what's out there waiting for you.
George: Wayne, where you going with it?
Coach Wilkins: A team requires trust. Sure, you can count on your teammates when the ball is snapped. But can you count on them when they're away at a teachers conference with the woman you were gonna spend your life with? Hmm?
George: Okay. "Team" on three.

Sheldon: If we're switching religions, may I recommend Judaism.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: Both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy are Jewish.
George: So?
Sheldon: Isn't that enough?

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
Georgie: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Adult Sheldon: I was struggling to focus and needed help. Luckily, there was someone on campus I could always count on to lend a friendly ear. A second mom, if you will.
President Hagemeyer: What now?
Sheldon: You said if I ever had a problem, I could come to you and you'd fix it.
President Hagemeyer: When did I say that?
Sheldon: September 13th, 1991. You had just eaten a poppyseed bagel and had one stuck in your teeth.
President Hagemeyer: I'll take your word for it.
Sheldon: It was right here. How did it not make you crazy? It made me crazy.
President Hagemeyer: What do you want?
Sheldon: My family's falling apart.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Uh... what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Fix it.