Principal Petersen: Hold your horses. If Sheldon walks out that door, our test scores drop hard. That affects funding, which affects your salaries.
Ms. Ingram: Ugh. Well, how can we help?
Principal Petersen: Y'all need to make George and Sheldon so happy here they want to stay.
Ms. MacElroy: Oh, come on.
Mr. Givens: Isn't there anything else we can do?
Principal Petersen: Yeah, Mr. Givens. You could do a better job at teaching the other students so we don't rely on one boy to pull up everyone's grades.
Mr. Givens: Fine. We'll be nice to Sheldon.

Principal Petersen: I've asked you all here because we got a situation. George Cooper's considering a job at a college and taking Sheldon with him.
Mr. Givens: Yes!
Ms. MacElroy: Is it far away? I hope it's far away.
Mr. Givens: Maybe it's overseas.
Ms. Ingram: Ooh, like Fiji.

Meemaw: Hey, you got any plans this weekend?
June: I don't think so. Why?
Meemaw: I happen to have a coupon for a free room at the Royale Casino.
June: Now you're talking! How'd you swing that?
Meemaw: Well, you lose enough, they give you all kinds of crap.
June: I'm in.
Meemaw: And if you really feel like gambling, they got an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
June: Put enough drinks in me, I'll eat anything. [Meemaw laughs]

George Sr.: What do you got going on today?
Mary: Ooh, laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming. I might go nuts and dust the picture frames.
George Sr.: Well, nice. Everybody's doing something they love.

Mary: Sheldon, you sure about this?
Sheldon: Yes, leave the crusts on. I'm a docent now.

Adult Sheldon: Extricating myself from this situation was not going to be easy. My father was counting on me, Meemaw was counting on me, the school was counting on me. After much thought, I decided to employ the one strategic maneuver I knew I could count on. I tattled.

George Sr.: So, that's why I wanted to give you a heads-up.
Principal Petersen: I got to tell you, George, this is a real blow.
George Sr.: Appreciate it. But, uh, yeah, you'll find someone. There's a lot of good coaches out there.
Principal Petersen: Not you. Sheldon.
George Sr.: Sheldon? I thought everyone would be thrilled for him to leave.
Principal Petersen: Don't get me wrong, your kid is a royal pain in the ass. However, his state test scores are so extraordinary, the school actually gets more funding because of it.
George Sr.: You serious?
Principal Petersen: Serious as the fire alarms, which are now functional. And always were, if anyone asks.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: That was Dr. Linkletter. He says that Sheldon is spending too much time with him.
George Sr.: Better him than us, right?
Mary: [sighs] He's suggesting that Sheldon try and find some friends on campus.
George Sr.: Makes sense.
Mary: I'm just worried that he's gonna be hanging out with people who are drinking and going to parties.
George Sr.: Like he's gonna make friends with the cool kids.

George Sr.: What you doing?
Sheldon: Paige is feeling sad, so I'm making her a hot beverage.
George Sr.: Oh. You're a good kid. I'm proud of you.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Adult Sheldon: Of all my accomplishments, I don't know why he singled this moment out, but I'm glad he did.

Lawrence: I like your conductor's uniform.
Sheldon: You know what they say. Dress for the job you want. Do I get an "ask me" button, too?
Lawrence: Well, thank you for asking, and yes, you do. I'll be right back. [exits]
Sheldon: Do you see that bell? That's from Texas and New Orleans locomotive number 701. I'd tell you more, but you haven't contributed the suggested donation.
[Sheldon stares at Meemaw until she puts some money in the donation box]
Sheldon: Number 701 was built in 1930 by the Baldwin Locomotive Works. It was a superheated 44 class GS-1 with ...
Meemaw: I want my money back.
Lawrence: Here you go.
Sheldon: Thank you. [to Meemaw] I know you're supposed to pick me up at 4:00, but I may live here now.
Meemaw: Send me a Christmas card.

Adult Sheldon: In physics, potential energy is a fascinating topic. Objects like springs store energy when they're coiled, waiting to unleash their full potential and soar to the heavens. Would you look at me go! Even in toy form, I'm shooting for the stars. While the potential energy of an object can be measured in absolutes, human potential remains more elusive. Sometimes, people seem to have all the potential in the world, but for some reason stay stuck to the ground.

Mary: Shelly, why don't you put your book down and watch your sister play? It's getting exciting.
Sheldon: It looks like everyone's just standing there.
George Sr.: There's two outs, bases are loaded, a-and the winning run's on second.
Meemaw: But if Missy throws one more strike, they'll win.
Sheldon: And then we can go home? That is exciting.

Missy: Can I eat in front of the TV?
Mary: No, you can eat in front of Sheldon's friend.
Missy: Aw, fudge.
Mary: I know what "fudge" means, and you are right on the edge, young lady.

Coach Wilkins: Darlene and I love to go line dancing.
George Sr.: Next.
Coach Wilkins: Let's see. There's the Roundabout.
George Sr.: What's that?
Coach Wilkins: It's a roller rink. They have cool lights and a DJ. It's like a disco.
George Sr.: So, when I said no to line dancing, you thought, "Let's put George on wheels."
Coach Wilkins: Ooh. Take her bowling.
[George pictures Brenda Sparks working at the bowling alley]
George Sr.: I don't want to take her bowling.

Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George Sr.: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George Sr.: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George Sr.: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?

Dr. John Sturgis: Anyway, I believe they're willing to, uh, exceed your current salary by a substantial amount.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes. They thought it would incentivize you.
George Sr.: Well, John, they're not wrong.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent! Na zdrowie.
George Sr.: What the hell. Na zdrowie.

Sheldon: It's just so easy. All you do is type in the Usenet address: "sci dot theory dot physics dot research dot quantum." Press enter, and it comes right up. [modem screeching]
Tam: Careful. In WarGames, Matthew Broderick almost blew up the world.
Sheldon: The only thing I'm gonna be blowing up is this fellow's flimsy argument. That was one of my classic jokes; feel free to laugh. [modem finally stops screeching] See? Like magic.

Lisa: Hi, Georgie.
George Jr.: Hey.
Lisa: I like that jacket.
George Jr.: Then you'll probably like my pants; they're made of the same stuff.

Missy: Get out, I need to change.
Sheldon: You seem upset.
Missy: I am.
Sheldon: I was right? Good for me.
Missy: Just get out. Wait. You get picked on all the time. How do you deal with it?
Sheldon: Who's picking on you?
Missy: It doesn't matter, just tell me.
Sheldon: I usually start by telling myself how much smarter I am than the person who's picking on me, but that won't work for you.
Missy: Out.

George Sr.: Nothing to be embarrassed about. It's perfectly natural. Perfectly normal.
Missy: Dad, I know.
George Sr.: I'm telling myself. Uh... How much money you need?
Missy: I'm not going in there. You are.
George Sr.: Why can't you go? It's embarrassing.
Missy: You just said it wasn't embarrassing.
George Sr.: Well, it is and I lied.