Adult Sheldon: Transcendentalists were philosophers who believed that our deepest connection is with nature.
Sheldon: Eh.

President Hagemeyer: Well, I'll just get right to the point. Uh, I would like you and your son to meet with a very important benefactor of the college.
George Sr.: Why us?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I mean, Sheldon is... is an impressive addition to the physics program, and- and we like our donors to feel really good about where their money's going.
George Sr.: I get it. You want the star quarterback to shake some hands with the boosters.
President Hagemeyer: Exactly.
Sheldon: I'm not doing that. I didn't shake her hand, and she's the president.
President Hagemeyer: No, you don't have to shake anybody's hand.
Sheldon: Then why did you say it?
President Hagemeyer: I didn't say it. He said it.
Sheldon: But you agreed with it.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, why don't you tell Mr. O'Brien about some of your goals at the university.
Sheldon: Well, I'm pushing for stricter dress codes. There are a lot of belly buttons on display.
George Sr.: Science goals.
Sheldon: My ultimate goal is to one day devise the grand unified field theory.
Gary: Ah. You're one of those, are you?
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Gary: Well, Kurt Godel's incompleteness theorems eliminate the possibility of a unified theory.
Sheldon: You honestly believe that?
George Sr.: Sheldon.
Sheldon: That's... interesting. Tell me more about how Einstein's life goal was nothing but folly.

Adult Sheldon: The next day I returned to my role as lab assistant with renewed vigor. Bolts were greased, wires were stripped, floors were swept, all with a smile. It was a forced smile but you'd never know.
Dr. Linkletter: I must say, Sheldon, I'm impressed.
Sheldon: I gave you my word and I'm standing by it.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I know it's not glamorous, but all scientists pay their dues.
Sheldon: And I'm happy to do it.
Dr. Linkletter: Good man.
Sheldon: I understand my role here. In fact, I noticed a flaw in your reaction rates, but I kept it to myself because I know my place.
Dr. Linkletter: You really think there's a flaw?
Sheldon: Oh, yes.
Dr. Linkletter: What is it?
Sheldon: I appreciate you testing me, but I'm not going to crack.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm not testing you.
Sheldon: Nice try.

Sheldon: [knocks three times] Dr. Linkletter?
Man: No.
Sheldon: Sorry. You and he have the same loafers. Carry on.

Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I've been looking for you.
Dr. Linkletter: I was just trying to have a little privacy.
Sheldon: Smart. No one will bother us out here. [climbs into car] What is that? Ham?

Sheldon: Would you like your seat back?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes. I'd also like my office back.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Dr. Linkletter: Son, you can't just hang out here whenever you want.
Sheldon: Why not? We're friends.
Dr. Linkletter: No. I'm a professor, you're a student. I'm 68, you're 11. Do you see where I'm headed here?
Sheldon: Nope.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I've tried to be nice about this, but you're just not taking the hint. If you have questions about class, I'm here. Otherwise, please leave me alone.
Sheldon: Uh, I understand.
Dr. Linkletter: Thank you.

Mary: Baby, you can't go the rest of your life never getting in a car again.
Sheldon: Before cars were invented, people did it all the time.
Mary: [sighs] Well, I'm not gonna force you.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] If you turn to page 78 in the textbook, I'll begin today's lecture.
Sheldon: [gasps] We should come up with some kind of video system so you can see when I raise my hand.
Dr. Linkletter: Why don't you just tell me?
Sheldon: Let's try it. Hand-raise.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: That worked great.

Mary: I saw a truck outside. What's wrong with the phone?
Sheldon: Nothing. [drill whirrs] Adding a second line.
Lucas: I'm almost done here. Just got to hop up on the roof.
Mary: Hold on. You can't just add another phone line without asking.
Sheldon: I didn't do it. The university did.
Mary: Why would they do that?
Sheldon: I asked them to.
Lucas: Are you some sort of special kid?
Sheldon: You have no idea.
Mary: Shouldn't you be up on the roof?

Mary: You can't just ask the university for things.
Sheldon: President Hagemeyer seemed so happy to help. Why rob her of that?
Mary: Sheldon, you are going to have to get in a car again eventually.
Sheldon: It's not looking like it. [doorbell rings]
Mary: This isn't over.

[dream sequence:]
Male voice: Psst. Hey-a, kid.
Sheldon: [grunts] Who is it?
Male voice: It's me. The envelope with the IRS check.
Sheldon: What do you want?
Male voice: You can't let him send me. You didn't make a mistake.
Sheldon: Oh, I know that, but it's too late.
Male voice: It's not. The check isn't due for 30 days.
Sheldon: So?
Male voice: Just go in the kitchen and take me off the pile. Buy yourself some time to straighten this out.
Sheldon: But tampering with the mail is a federal offense.
Male voice: I'm not mail yet. I'm not in the mailbox. That's the law.
Sheldon: But what if my dad notices you're missing?
Male voice: Do it after he leaves for work. He'll never know.
Sheldon: That's brilliant.
Male voice: I'm not real, so technically, you thought of it.
Sheldon: That makes more sense.

George Sr.: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
George Sr.: Playing with your trains?
Sheldon: I'm punishing myself by looking at them, but not allowing myself to run them.
George Sr.: You don't have to punish yourself.
Sheldon: Because you'd rather do it? That's fair.
George Sr.: No.
Sheldon: It's okay. I deserve it.

George Sr.: Hello. I'm George Cooper. This is my son Sheldon.
Malcolm Green: Yes, we spoke on the phone.
Sheldon: You look exactly like you sound. Not everybody does.

Malcolm Green: So you are remarkably well-versed in the tax code.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Malcolm Green: It's nice of you to do your parents' returns for free every year.
Sheldon: Oh, I don't do it for free. My dad buys me a model train afterwards.
Malcolm Green: Interesting. So you accept payment even though you're not a licensed tax professional? In clear violation of federal law.
[fantasy: Sheldon and Agent Green are playing chess again:]
Malcolm Green: Check.
Adult Sheldon: I had walked right into his trap.
[reality:]
Sheldon: Excuse me, I need to use the restroom. [exits]
George Sr.: So, catch that Cowboys game last...
Malcolm Green: No.
George Sr.: Yeah.

Malcolm Green: So... where were we?
[fantasy: Sheldon and Agent Green are once again playing chess:]
Malcolm Green: Check.
Sheldon: It's true. I made a mistake. But my dad taught me that's okay. Wait. My dad's a teacher. Which means, my doing our taxes wasn't work for-hire, but an economics lesson he was teaching me. Therefore, the train he bought me wasn't payment for unlicensed work, it was a reward for successfully completing my lesson. So it does not violate the statute, and since the value of the train is less than $10,000, there's no additional gift tax. Checkmate.
Malcolm Green: [sighs] [applause]
[reality:]
Malcolm Green: Well, I guess that wraps it up.

George Sr.: Is it over? What happened?
Sheldon: We won.
George Sr.: Wait, we don't owe anything?
Malcolm Green: No, your returns are all in order. Well done.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Malcolm Green: Your son's extremely intelligent.
George Sr.: Yep.
Sheldon: I hope you audit us next year, so I can run circles around you again.
George Sr.: Until he says something stupid. Let's go.

Sheldon: Ooh, there's a computer game called Railroad Kingdom. Can we get it?
Mary: How much is it?
Sheldon: $49.95.
Missy: Are you crazy?
Mary: I'll handle this. I am not paying that much for a game.
Sheldon: It's not just a game. It's a cutting-edge simulation teaching business skills in the golden age of railroads.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
Sheldon: But what if I end up running a railroad one day and don't have the necessary business skills?
Missy: I think I nailed it with, "Are you crazy?"

Tam: Look, if you really want it, I know a guy who sells bootleg games for five bucks.
Sheldon: But that's like stealing.
Tam: Aren't you gonna buy the game eventually?
Sheldon: As soon as I save up enough money.
Tam: So you're just getting it early.
Sheldon: Hmm. I suppose an actual railroad magnate would cut some corners.
Tam: Problem solved.
Sheldon: Look at that... I don't even have the game and I'm already learning business skills.
Tam: Cool. [shushes]

Sheldon: Right now, I'm about to take out a loan so I can build the first railroad line between the Atlantic and the Pacific.
Billy Sparks: Cool. What do I do?
Sheldon: You watch me take out a loan so I can build the first railroad line between the Atlantic and the Pacific.
Billy Sparks: Don't you have a game that two people can play?
Sheldon: I do, but not one that lets you take out a loan so you can build the first railroad line between the Atlantic and the Pacific.