Dr. Linkletter: So, according to de Broglie, lambda equals "h" divided by "m" times what? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: Is it velocity?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes. Now...
Sheldon: Or is it a velociraptor?
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Perhaps lambda equals "h" divided by "m" times a velociraptor. Or a velveteen rabbit. Ooh, or Velveeta. That's the cheese my mom puts on broccoli when she's being fancy.
Dr. Linkletter: Is this from your philosophy class or perhaps that Ren & Stumpy I've heard about?
Sheldon: Philosophy.
Dr. Linkletter: Mr. Cooper, do you really believe that de Broglie's equation contains Velveeta cheese?
Sheldon: I don't know. Maybe he was just trying to be fancy.

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Meemaw: Okay, I'm here. What's up?
George: Sheldon won't get out of bed, and I'm gonna be late for work. He's gonna be late for school.
Meemaw: So you want me to get him up and drive him?
George: Yeah.
Meemaw: I like it better when I just come eat your food and leave.

Meemaw: What's this philosophy teacher's name?
Sheldon: Professor Ericson. Why?
Meemaw: I might pop in and say hello.
Sheldon: Be careful. She may make you question your most deeply held values.
Meemaw: I'm a stubborn old crank. I'll do just fine.
Sheldon: I'm a stubborn young crank, and it didn't help me.

Meemaw: Shelly, Dr. Sturgis is on the line for you.
Sheldon: Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but very well. [takes phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Hi, Sheldon. I hear you're going through some sort of existential crisis.
Sheldon: I suppose so. I just don't know if we can tell what's real or not. And if nothing's real, I don't know what to think or if I'm even thinking at all.
Dr. John Sturgis: I went through something similar once.
Sheldon: Really? What happened?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was trekking through the Amazon, and I saw two frogs, one hallucinogenic and the other not. [chuckles] I tried to lick the normal one, and, by mistake, I licked the hallucinogenic one. It really rocked my world.
Sheldon: Why would you lick either of them?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm not sure. Probably low blood sugar. But the point is, I also lost track of reality.
Sheldon: How did you handle it?
Dr. John Sturgis: I saw a jaguar, and I realized I didn't care if it was real or not. I just hauled my tushy out of there.
Sheldon: I appreciate the call. I'm giving you back to my meemaw now.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye!
Meemaw: [quietly on the phone] Hey, John, any luck?
Dr. John Sturgis: Not unless you have access to a jaguar.
Meemaw: I don't think I do.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really, any jungle cat will do.