Sheldon: You're so lucky.
Ms. Hutchins: You're gonna have to walk me through that.
Sheldon: Well, you don't have anyone in your house telling you what you can or can't do.
Ms. Hutchins: Right, Sheldon. I don't have anyone.
Sheldon: I just said that. Are you becoming a drug addict already?

Sheldon: I'm really sorry, Mom.
Mary: I forgive you. But just because you straightened things out with Dr. Sturgis doesn't mean you're going back to college.
Sheldon: Yes, it does.
Mary: No, it doesn't.
Sheldon: I hope you know you're jeopardizing our relationship.
Mary: I will take that risk. [kiss] Good night.
Sheldon: You know I'll eventually wear you down.
Mary: We'll see. I'm pretty tough.
Adult Sheldon: I eventually wore her down. There's just so much of me anybody can take.

Sheldon: How long do I have to sit here and sulk before someone asks me what's wrong?
Mary: Maybe people are tired of hearing about it.
Sheldon: Ms. Hutchins, would you care to chime in?
Ms. Hutchins: Oh, I-I don't want to get in the middle of a family issue, but... I will say that I once had a falling out with someone very close to me.
Sheldon: What happened?
Ms. Hutchins: We ended up parting ways on bad terms. I-I still regret it.
Sheldon: But you were right and they were wrong?
Ms. Hutchins: You know what, it doesn't feel like it matters anymore. And not a day goes by that I don't miss them.
Sheldon: Perhaps I do owe Dr. Sturgis an apology.
Ms. Hutchins: I was talking about your mother.
Sheldon: I'll circle back to her.

George Sr.: It's time for your pain pill.
Sheldon: Be careful. You could become addicted and lose your job. Which is all you have.
George Sr.: [sighs] Get out of here.

Sheldon: If I don't go to college, what am I supposed to do? Spend all my days in high school? How sad is that?
Ms. Hutchins: Pretty sad.
Sheldon: You always did get me.
Ms. Hutchins: Sounds like you're feeling misunderstood.
Sheldon: I am... by Dr. Sturgis, my mother, and possibly the entire Vietnamese culture.
Ms. Hutchins: Do you understand that I'm in a little bit of pain right now?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. I should be exhibiting compassion. Aw. Wait, I can do better. Aw.
Ms. Hutchins: Nailed it.

Sheldon: Did he apologize?
Mary: No. He is very upset with you.
Sheldon: Well, I'm upset with him.
Mary: That doesn't excuse you from trying to get him in trouble by calling Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Who else was I supposed to tattle to? I doubt his mother's still alive.

Mary: What I meant was... maybe it's time to take a break from your college classes.
Sheldon: What? Why? I've gotten straight As.
Mary: I know you're smart enough for college. I'm just not sure you're mature enough.
Sheldon: Well, it appears you've backed me into a corner. I would throw a tantrum right now, but that would just prove your point.
Mary: Where are you going?
Sheldon: To play with my trains. Which may sound immature, but it's a hobby many old men enjoy.

Mary: Sheldon, I understand why you're upset, but you still owe him an apology.
Sheldon: Then you don't understand.
Mary: Well, for now, it sounds like you two could use a little quiet time.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll switch over to Dr. Linkletter's class. He's a foot taller than Sturgis and can reach more of the chalkboard.

Meemaw: Moon Pie, I know you don't like to hear this, but there are some things in life that can only be learned in time.
Sheldon: So you must have learned them all, huh?
Meemaw: Get out of my house.

Sheldon: And who says you have to be mature to go to college? I've seen Animal House.
Meemaw: You have?
Sheldon: Well, I've seen the poster. Those people are not college material.

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] Look, I haven't done a forensic examination of this paper, but it's not uncommon to show your work to a colleague to get their feedback.
Sheldon: But I fixed his paper.
Dr. Linkletter: This kind of accusation could have real consequences. I'd consider my next steps very carefully.
Sheldon: You're no help. Put me through to your supervisor.
Dr. Linkletter: Please let me speak to John before you take this any further.
Sheldon: All right, but if he calls me a baby, feel free to say, "Then I guess you needed a baby to fix your paper."
Dr. Linkletter: That's a good one, but I'm not gonna say it.

Sheldon: Darn it. When he called me a baby, I should've said, "Then I guess you needed a baby's help to fix your paper."
Meemaw: Very clever.
Sheldon: Turn the car around.
Meemaw: We're halfway home. It's not that clever.

Sheldon: I guess I need to call and let him know what a bonehead mistake he made.
George Sr.: There's probably a nicer way to say it.
Sheldon: Did you hear how massive his neutrinos were? We're well into bonehead territory.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you don't need to be rude to him.
Sheldon: When am I rude?
[flashback to Sheldon watching a Missy combs the hair of her Cabbage Patch Doll:]
Sheldon: Stay a child as long as you can. Adulthood will not be kind to you.
[flashback to Sheldon looking at Meemaw's leg:]
Sheldon: Neat. The veins on your calf look like a road map of Texas.
[flashback to Sheldon at dinner time:]
Sheldon: Did you make this taste bad so Dad would lose weight?
[present:]
Sheldon: Fine. I'll be polite. But I still think we could go to San Antonio using Meemaw's leg.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Anyway, I was just calling to let you know I read your paper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful. What did you think?
Sheldon: I thought your typing was very tidy. Your sentence structure was impressive. And your theory was... not without succeeding in avoiding success.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, Sheldon, uh, you don't need to beat around the bush. We're men of science. Uh, just give it to me straight.
Sheldon: The masses for your neutrinos are impossible.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Yes. If they were that heavy, atoms could not beta decay.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know how I missed that. I'm such an idiot.
Sheldon: You're not an idiot. You're just a bonehead.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, our conversation about my paper resulted in a very productive couple of days. I completely rewrote the whole thing from scratch.
Sheldon: Exciting. I know credits are usually listed alphabetically, but I'm completely fine with my name going second.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I've worked on this paper for years. I'm not putting your name on it at all.
Sheldon: But I helped you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You did, but you didn't cowrite the paper with me.
Sheldon: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, it is.
Sheldon: Well, this is an outrage. After all the help I've given you, and I don't even get credit?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, of course you are. You're getting a special thanks in the footnotes.
Sheldon: No one reads the footnotes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I do.
Sheldon: Well, I do, too, but that doesn't mean I want to be in them.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, that's where people get recognition for helping.
Sheldon: Oh, you mean the help of using my math to convert your hazy series of meanderings into a well-formed scientific thesis?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think you're overstating your contribution.
Sheldon: Well, I think you should be wearing a black ski mask because you're trying to rob me blind.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, if anyone should be wearing an odd piece of apparel, it should be you wearing a baby bonnet, because that's how you're behaving.
Sheldon: [gasps]
Meemaw: Ready to go?
Sheldon: Very! It's a good thing she showed up, because I do not have a comeback.

Sheldon: Ooh. He's opening with a critical examination of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics.
Meemaw: I thought reading in the car made you nauseous.
Sheldon: That's in the back seat. Up here I'm fine. [retches]
Meemaw: Oh, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Sorry.
Meemaw: Well, don't just keep reading!
Sheldon: [retches]

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon. What brings you here?
Sheldon: You never showed up to class.
Dr. John Sturgis: Whoops. Time flies when you're having fun.
Sheldon: What could be more fun than giving a physics lecture?
Dr. John Sturgis: Finishing a physics paper.
Sheldon: Ooh, I like where this is headed.

Meredith: Take a minute to locate the exit closest to you. The nearest exit could be behind you. Should the cabin experience sudden pressure loss, oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat...
Sheldon: Why would the cabin lose pressure?
George Sr.: It won't.
Meredith: Place the mask over your mouth and nose, like this, pull the strap to tighten it. If you are traveling with children, make sure that your own mask is on first before helping your child.
Sheldon: I don't like this at all.
George Sr.: It's just a precaution. You know perfectly safe.
Meredith: In the unlikely event of a water landing and evacuation. [echoes] Water landing, water landing, water landing.
Sheldon: I can't do this.

Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're expecting a smooth flight to Los Angeles. Before we take off, please direct your attention to the flight attendants as they review some important safety procedures.
Sheldon: "Safety procedures"? Oh, baby.

George Sr.: If you want to see Stephen Hawking, we have to sit down right now.
Sheldon: It's too dangerous. I can't!
George Sr.: It's okay to be scared. Th- That's when you got to dig deep and be brave. So, what do you say?
Sheldon: No, I'm your terrified little boy!