Sheldon: I guess I need to call and let him know what a bonehead mistake he made.
George: There's probably a nicer way to say it.
Sheldon: Did you hear how massive his neutrinos were? We're well into bonehead territory.
George: Sheldon, you don't need to be rude to him.
Sheldon: When am I rude?
[flashback to Sheldon watching a Missy combs the hair of her Cabbage Patch Doll:]
Sheldon: Stay a child as long as you can. Adulthood will not be kind to you.
[flashback to Sheldon looking at Meemaw's leg:]
Sheldon: Neat. The veins on your calf look like a road map of Texas.
[flashback to Sheldon at dinner time:]
Sheldon: Did you make this taste bad so Dad would lose weight?
[present:]
Sheldon: Fine. I'll be polite. But I still think we could go to San Antonio using Meemaw's leg.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: "Ergo"?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Pastor Jeff: Come on up here, Sheldon. Let's hear what you got.
Sheldon: I've spent the last week studying what people believe, and I've come to a conclusion.
Pastor Jeff: And what's that?
Sheldon: I'm starting my own religion.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: I'm calling it Mathology. It's based on a universal binary system.
Pastor Jeff: That's terrific, Sheldon, but this is a Baptist Sunday school.
Sheldon: I know, I'm here to convert everybody. Any takers?
Pastor Jeff: Okay. Let's go have a talk with your mom.
Sheldon: The only sin in Mathology is being stupid.

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Sheldon: Okay, here's the plan. End your relationship with Coach Ballard, date Dr. Sturgis again, get him to love you more than ever, then when he least expects it, break his heart and say, "That's for Sheldon."
Meemaw: Great plan.
Sheldon: You think so?
Meemaw: For the sake of this car ride, sure.

Adult Sheldon: Of all my many skills, one of the lesser known is my impressive ability to wait for things. I once stood perfectly still for 38 minutes because a bee was on my shoulder.
Sheldon: [blows, groans]
Adult Sheldon: I once waited four and a half hours to be released from a locker.
Sheldon: Hello? Anyone there? That's okay. I'll wait.
Adult Sheldon: And one time, when Dr. Sturgis was late for a lecture, I stayed longer than everyone.
Sheldon: Where are you all going?
Student: Professor's not here.
Sheldon: I can teach the class. I just need a box to stand on.

Georgie: I bet the guy who invented the spork is a millionaire.
Jana: I guess.
Georgie: I wonder if his last name is Spork.
Jana: It comes from "spoon" and "fork." Spork.
Georgie: Oh, my God. Mind is blown.