Missy: Mom, can I ask you a Bible question?
Mary: Always.
Missy: Lying's a sin, right?
Mary: Sure is. Proverbs 12:22. "The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy."
Missy: Does it say anything specifically about lying to your pastor?
Mary: Did you lie to Pastor Jeff?
Missy: No, but you did.
Mary: I did not.
Missy: You told him I wasn't interested in babysitting.
Mary: No. I said I didn't think you were interested, which, technically, was not a lie.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Dr. Linkletter: I can't believe you'd use our book club to hit on Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you didn't, Captain Cookies?
Dr. Linkletter: All right, if we're both gonna pursue her, let's lay down some ground rules.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fair enough.
Dr. Linkletter: And my ginger snaps are moist and delicious!
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Sheldon: Oh, I'm assuming you heard the bad news.
Mary: What news?
Sheldon: Isaac Asimov died.
Mary: Oh, no, is that one of your school friends?
Sheldon: What? No, he's one of the most prolific science fiction writers in the history of the genre.
George Sr.: Never heard of him.
Sheldon: Sure you have. He wrote I, Robot, the Foundation trilogy.
George Sr.: Nope.
Sheldon: Nightfall? The Posotronic Man?
George Sr.: You ever heard of this guy?
Mary: Mm-mm.
Sheldon: Caves of Steel. Hostess. The Naked Sun?
George Sr.: Whoever he is, sorry he died. Gotta go. Bye.
Mary: Bye.
Adult Sheldon: Astonishing. Asimov wrote almost 500 books, which was apparently 500 more than my family had read.

Dr. Linkletter: [on answer phone] Connie, Grant Linkletter. Wonderful seeing you tonight.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Hope you enjoyed our little book club. If you'd ever like to discuss it further, I know the perfect Italian café. The cannolis are resplendent.
Meemaw: Resplendent! [chuckles] [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: [on answer phone] Connie! John Sturgis here.
Meemaw: What a surprise.
Dr. John Sturgis: It was so nice to have you at our book club. When it comes to science fiction, those things can be real sausage parties. Anyhoo, if you're free next week, I was wondering if you'd like to... [Meemaw skips to the next message]
Dr. Linkletter: Grant Linkletter again. If you don't like Italian, I also know a sublime Vietnamese spot. Have you ever tried Bún Boò Hue? [machine beeps]
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know why I said "sausage party." There was probably a better way to phrase that. [machine beeps]
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, Grant Linkletter...