Sheldon: Hello. Are you Mr. Lundy?
Mr. Lundy: My father is Mr. Lundy.
Sheldon: Well, then what should I call you?
Mr. Lundy: I guess Mr. Lundy. My father's dead.

[Sheldon performs the splits and Mr. Lundy jumps on to a chair]
Sheldon: That looked dangerous.
Mr. Lundy: No, that looks dangerous.

Mr. Lundy: Now, remember, next week, we start our work on Streetcar Named Desire. So please prepare a monologue for either Blanche or Stanley. Usually, the girls do Blanche and the boys do Stanley, but no judgment. You follow your heart.

Mary: Thank you again for letting me come by to pick your brain.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, please. Anything for the church.
Mary: Are you a religious man?
Mr. Lundy: I'm an actor. I'm whatever you need me to be.

Mr. Lundy: Um, have you considered a narrator, you know, um, like, a tour guide kind of thing?
Mary: Oh, that's interesting. But who would that be?
Mr. Lundy: Well, I'd have to think the big man himself.
Mary: God?
Mr. Lundy: Satan.
Mary: Oh! That's spooky. And he's trying to lure people toward sin.
Mr. Lundy: Exactly.
Mary: That's a pretty big role. I wonder who could do it.
Mr. Lundy: Huh. Well, it would have to be someone with enough range to convey sincerity and charm, all the while, hiding a dark and corrupt soul!
Mary: Good golly. If you were just a little taller, you'd be perfect.
Mr. Lundy: I have lifts.

Mary: So, what do you think?
Mr. Lundy: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Spiderwebs.
Mary: What?
Mr. Lundy: We're gonna need some spiderwebs and I think maybe some fire effects on the left and right side of the portal.
Mary: Portal?
Mr. Lundy: Portal to hell.
Mary: [CHUCKLING] Sure, sure.

Mary: I will not have innocent children walk through this house on Halloween and see a half-naked woman.
Mr. Lundy: A half-naked woman chock-full of syphilis.
Both: What?
Mr. Lundy: It's pretend syphilis.

Mr. Lundy: Mary, I am a trained theater professional. Why don't you just let me do what I do, while you, you know, go home and make a nice tuna casserole.

Mr. Lundy: I was God's chosen angel. I was his favorite. We used to go camping together. But then, because I wanted to have a little bit of fun, I was cast from heaven. Tonight, you will bear witness to that fun. You will decide whether it is sinful or just another Saturday night. [LAUGHS] Come with me if you dare. [THUNDER RUMBLES] Just watch your step right over here, 'cause there's some electrical wires.

Mr. Lundy: So you see, the sin of greed. Very wealthy man, a beautiful house, swimming pool, several German cars, and a young wife who worshipped him.
Mary: Excuse me, Mr. Satan.
Mr. Lundy: What?
Mary: You kind of left out how greed is the root of all evil, and how it corrupts the soul.
Mr. Lundy: It's in there. It's called subtext.

Jeremy: [dramatically] Don't say that. Never... say that. Goonies... never say die.
Mr. Lundy: Well done. Very moving. And speaking of moving, if any of your parents are in the market for a two-bedroom, two-bath ranch-style with a updated kitchen, have them give me a call. All right, very good. How about next week we try some monologues from actual theater? Just a thought.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Mr. Lundy. I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Mr. Lundy: Oh. What's going on?
Sheldon: My mother has forbidden me from helping you sell the house.
Mr. Lundy: [dramatically] That... is beyond bad news. I don't think I can do this alone.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's not me.
Mr. Lundy: No, I know it's not. Just enjoyed being in the trenches with you.
Sheldon: As did I.
Mr. Lundy: All right, Sheldon, I... I guess I'll see you in the halls.
Sheldon: Again, I'm sorry.
Mr. Lundy: Me, too. [Sheldon exits] And scene.

Georgie: So, when are we gonna shoot this thing?
Mr. Lundy: Slow down, now. We've got to plan out. You know, costumes, choreography, music. Let's start with the set. Now, I was thinking... an Oklahoma theme. Hay bales, saloon door, maybe a surrey with a fringe on top.
Georgie: A what with a what?
Mr. Lundy: Oh, you know. [sings] ♪ Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry ♪ ♪ When I take you out in my surrey ♪ ♪ When I take you out ♪ ♪ In my surrey with the fringe... ♪ [talks] Okay, forget Oklahoma.
Georgie: Done.

Mr. Lundy: I'm sorry, are-are we galloping, or are we doing double Dutch? You got to get your hips into it, all right? Yeah, you get your rope, you get your hip. We can gallop up, we can gallop back. We're lassoing and galloping around the corral.

Meemaw: Excuse me. We need to talk.
Mr. Lundy: Can it wait? I'm trying to turn your grandson here into the Richard Simmons of the Wild West.
Meemaw: No, it can't. I took a look at this contract you sent over.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, well, that's just boilerplate legalese. I wouldn't even read that.
Meemaw: Too late. I couldn't help but notice you're taking 80% of the profits.
Georgie: Eighty percent?
Mr. Lundy: Well, in case no one has noticed, I'm doing most of the work here.
Georgie: But it was all my idea.
Mr. Lundy: Your idea was lifting weights in some dingy garage. Cowboy aerobics was hatched in this egg right here.
Georgie: But it's my face.
Meemaw: Any my money.
Mr. Lundy: And my apologies, but 20% is all you're getting.
Meemaw: Unbelievable.
Mr. Lundy: Excuse me. I've done all the choreography. I designed the sets. I-I made the costumes by hand. You think you can find sequined chaps in a mall? No, you cannot. And they give you quite the look when you ask.