Mary: So, where do I go from here? I've kind of talked to everybody I know.
Mr. Lundy: Mm. Well, new faces are the lifeblood of our business.
Mary: How do I find new faces?
Mr. Lundy: Don't you run a Bible study?
Mary: Uh, I don't know that I'd be comfortable trying to make sales in a religious setting.
Mr. Lundy: Mary, if God didn't want people to wear makeup, he'd have made 'em less ugly.
Mary: Well, that's one way to look at it.
Mr. Lundy: Mm-hmm. And you have a daughter, right?
Mary: Well, she's not even a teenager yet.
Mr. Lundy: This is when it starts. Would you rather her borrowing makeup from friends, passing it back and forth?
Mary: She has stolen it from my bag.
Mr. Lundy: See? Forget about a pink Caddy. Now we're talking pink eye. Which, if she does catch it, a little waterproof eyeliner, you'd never know.

Mary: I can't help but notice what you're driving.
Mr. Lundy: [chuckles] This old thing? I was actually gonna trade it in.
Mary: Are you selling Mary Kay?
Mr. Lundy: With my theater background, I just had a knack for cosmetology.
Mary: You must sell a lot.
Mr. Lundy: Guilty. But, these days, I-I manage my own handpicked team.
Mary: Well, I'm happy for you.
Mr. Lundy: Aw, aren't you a dear? [chuckling] [chuckling] H... Um, hey, do you... ever do sales?
Mary: Me? No.
Mr. Lundy: Really? An attractive young woman like yourself?
Mary: Oh, I don't know about that.
Mr. Lundy: Well, here. Here is my card, in case you ever want to talk. Maybe one day you'll be driving one of these. Instead of one of those.

Mary: Thank you so much for finding the time.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, please. Always happy to welcome a new sales associate to the family. [laughs]
Mary: Well, um, I don't normally wear much makeup, so I'm a little out of my depth.
Mr. Lundy: Which brings us to lesson number one. In sales, confidence is key.
Mary: Oh.
Mr. Lundy: Are you confident?
Mary: No.
Mr. Lundy: I knew the answer to that, but that's gonna be our little secret, because just like this full-coverage concealer for all skin types, we're gonna cover that right on up. [laughs]
Mary: I'm all for that.

Mr. Lundy: Now before we go further, I am gonna have to ask for a check for your sample kit and your start-up accessories.
Mary: Oh. I was under the impression that I would take orders, and the customers would pay for it later, like, um, Girl Scout cookies.
Mr. Lundy: I'm sorry. Do you see Thin Mints in this case?
Mary: No.
Mr. Lundy: This is a serious business. If you are not serious, maybe you are not ready to join my team.
Mary: Oh, I... I am serious. It's just that my husband isn't totally on board, and he'll be upset if I spend a bunch of money.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, well, that's fair. If you have to ask his permission, I can come back. It's refreshing really. It reminds me of a simpler time when men made the decisions and women made the beds.
Mary: I'm gonna get my checkbook. [exits]
Mr. Lundy: Now there is a take-charge makeup salesperson. [chuckles] I am the organ grinder, and the world is my monkey.

Mr. Lundy: All righty then. Show me what you got.
Mary: What do you mean?
Mr. Lundy: Your sales technique. Let's go. Come on. I'm an Eskimo. Sell me some ice.
Mary: Really? Right now?
Mr. Lundy: If you can't sell to me, and I'm already Team Mary, how are you gonna sell to a stranger?

Mary: Okay. Um... Hi.
Mr. Lundy: Let me stop you right there.
Mary: What did I do wrong?
Mr. Lundy: [sighs] It's your face.
Mary: What's wrong with my face?
Mr. Lundy: It's your number one sales tool. Y-You should be advertising the product, and you're not wearing any.
Mary: Yes, I am.
Mr. Lundy: Where?
Mary: I think the best makeup is the kind that no one notices.
Mr. Lundy: Right now, you're what no one notices. This is your billboard, and I'm... [sputters] ...driving right on by.
Mary: I suppose I could put on a little more.

Mary: What do you want?
Sheldon: Can I take a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride to Texarkana for a comic book convention?
Mary: By yourself? Absolutely not.
Sheldon: Can you come with me?
Mary: No.
Mr. Lundy: Son, your mother has makeup to sell.
Sheldon: If I get an adult to go with me, can I?
Mary: I don't know. Maybe. [Sheldon looks at Mr. Lundy]
Mr. Lundy: Ha, ha. No.
Sheldon: But people wear makeup to comic book conventions. You could sell it there.
Mr. Lundy: Ah, I see. No.
Sheldon: But...
Mr. Lundy: Read my moisturized lips. No.

Mr. Lundy: You never forget your first sale.
Mary: I know. I am still tingling.
Mr. Lundy: I love that feeling. I don't even drink coffee anymore. I just go on tingle power. [both laughs]
Mary: And she didn't just get the starter kit. She got the mud mask, she got the exfoliator.
Mr. Lundy: I had a feeling about you, Mary. It's just a matter of time before you're behind the wheel of your own pink Cadillac, and take it from me, you will be stared at. I am.

Adult Sheldon: Mr. Lundy was undeterred. He sought out new investors and new talent to bring cowboy aerobics to life.
Mr. Lundy: You've got the look. [chuckles] You've got the physique. If-if we could secure a star of your caliber, it would really put us on the map.
David Hasselhoff: I do look good in a cowboy hat.
Mr. Lundy: You look good in everything. [chuckles] Come on, Mr. Hasselhoff.
David Hasselhoff: Call me The Hoff.
Mr. Lundy: [chuckles] Okay, The Hoff. So, what do you say?
David Hasselhoff: Well, I've conquered television, music. I don't see why I couldn't add exercise videos to my empire.
Mr. Lundy: So you'll do it?
David Hasselhoff: You got The Hoff!
Mr. Lundy: Hot damn! I got The Hoff! [both laugh] By-by any chance, do you know what size chaps you wear?
David Hasselhoff: Oh. I got my own.
Mr. Lundy: Of course you do.

Meemaw: Excuse me. We need to talk.
Mr. Lundy: Can it wait? I'm trying to turn your grandson here into the Richard Simmons of the Wild West.
Meemaw: No, it can't. I took a look at this contract you sent over.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, well, that's just boilerplate legalese. I wouldn't even read that.
Meemaw: Too late. I couldn't help but notice you're taking 80% of the profits.
George Jr.: Eighty percent?
Mr. Lundy: Well, in case no one has noticed, I'm doing most of the work here.
George Jr.: But it was all my idea.
Mr. Lundy: Your idea was lifting weights in some dingy garage. Cowboy aerobics was hatched in this egg right here.
George Jr.: But it's my face.
Meemaw: Any my money.
Mr. Lundy: And my apologies, but 20% is all you're getting.
Meemaw: Unbelievable.
Mr. Lundy: Excuse me. I've done all the choreography. I designed the sets. I-I made the costumes by hand. You think you can find sequined chaps in a mall? No, you cannot. And they give you quite the look when you ask.

Mr. Lundy: I'm sorry, are-are we galloping, or are we doing double Dutch? You got to get your hips into it, all right? Yeah, you get your rope, you get your hip. We can gallop up, we can gallop back. We're lassoing and galloping around the corral.

George Jr.: So, when are we gonna shoot this thing?
Mr. Lundy: Slow down, now. We've got to plan out. You know, costumes, choreography, music. Let's start with the set. Now, I was thinking... an Oklahoma theme. Hay bales, saloon door, maybe a surrey with a fringe on top.
George Jr.: A what with a what?
Mr. Lundy: Oh, you know. [sings] ♪ Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry ♪ ♪ When I take you out in my surrey ♪ ♪ When I take you out ♪ ♪ In my surrey with the fringe... ♪ [talks] Okay, forget Oklahoma.
George Jr.: Done.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Mr. Lundy. I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Mr. Lundy: Oh. What's going on?
Sheldon: My mother has forbidden me from helping you sell the house.
Mr. Lundy: [dramatically] That... is beyond bad news. I don't think I can do this alone.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's not me.
Mr. Lundy: No, I know it's not. Just enjoyed being in the trenches with you.
Sheldon: As did I.
Mr. Lundy: All right, Sheldon, I... I guess I'll see you in the halls.
Sheldon: Again, I'm sorry.
Mr. Lundy: Me, too. [Sheldon exits] And scene.

Jeremy: [dramatically] Don't say that. Never... say that. Goonies... never say die.
Mr. Lundy: Well done. Very moving. And speaking of moving, if any of your parents are in the market for a two-bedroom, two-bath ranch-style with a updated kitchen, have them give me a call. All right, very good. How about next week we try some monologues from actual theater? Just a thought.

Sheldon: Excuse me, is there someone in charge here?
Mr. Lundy: That would be me.
Sheldon: Mr. Lundy? What are you doing here?
Mr. Lundy: I'm the realtor.
Sheldon: But you're a teacher and an actor.
Mr. Lundy: And while those both pay so well, I like to do this on the weekends for fun. [chuckles] Why are you here?
Sheldon: I live next door and I'm concerned about who the new neighbor might be.
Mr. Lundy: Don't you worry, I will personally make sure that your new neighbor is whoever forks over the most money.
Sheldon: Thank you. Wait.

Mr. Lundy: I was God's chosen angel. I was his favorite. We used to go camping together. But then, because I wanted to have a little bit of fun, I was cast from heaven. Tonight, you will bear witness to that fun. You will decide whether it is sinful or just another Saturday night. [LAUGHS] Come with me if you dare. [THUNDER RUMBLES] Just watch your step right over here, 'cause there's some electrical wires.

Mr. Lundy: So you see, the sin of greed. Very wealthy man, a beautiful house, swimming pool, several German cars, and a young wife who worshipped him.
Mary: Excuse me, Mr. Satan.
Mr. Lundy: What?
Mary: You kind of left out how greed is the root of all evil, and how it corrupts the soul.
Mr. Lundy: It's in there. It's called subtext.

Mr. Lundy: Greetings. Pleased to meet you. I go by many names: Satan, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub. Of course, when I make a dinner reservation, I-I go by "Eric." It's easier to spell.

Adult Sheldon: I know what you're thinking: she's going to tear his throat out. But what in fact happened is she did what she thought Jesus would do. She went home and made that tuna casserole. It was a little salty but I ate it because she was in a mood.

Mr. Lundy: Mary, I am a trained theater professional. Why don't you just let me do what I do, while you, you know, go home and make a nice tuna casserole.