Missy: Ow. Ow. Is there a way to do this so it doesn't hurt?
Paige: No. Beauty is pain.
Missy: Boy George must really suffer.
Sheldon: Missy, I need a moment with Paige.
Missy: Make it quick. I'm only half-beautiful.

Sheldon: 'You're so smart. Why are you acting like this?
Paige: Maybe I don't want to be smart.
Sheldon: I have to sit down.
Paige: Being smart sucks. It's the reason we moved here from Arkansas, a-and my parents never yelled at each other before that. It's just better to be normal.
Missy: It works for me. But I also have good cheekbones.

Paige: Ooh.
Missy: What's that?
Paige: Body glitter.
Missy: That's so much better than regular glitter.

Paige: Don't worry. I'll ask her. Ever since my parents got divorced, people can't say no to me.
[cut to:]
Paige: My mom promised she would take me to the mall to get me a new backpack, but she was so busy cleaning my dad's stuff out of the garage that I think she forgot.
Mary: Oh. Of course I can take you. Anything you need.
Paige: Thank you, Mrs. Cooper.
Missy: [quietly] Will you marry me?

Paige: Let's go to the mall.
Sheldon: Mom doesn't like the mall.
Missy: She says the mannequins don't have enough clothes on, but I think it's 'cause we're poor.
Sheldon: We are poor. I do our taxes.

Missy: I'd rather have pink hair than together parents.
Paige: I don't blame you.

Paige: Hi, Missy. Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What did you do to your hair? Is this because your parents got divorced?
Mary: [sighs]
Missy: Dingus.

Mary: I just want to remind you both to please be sensitive about the situation with Paige's family.
Missy: She's talking to you, dingus.
Mary: Both of you.

Missy: [to Sheldon] Welcome to the dark side.

Missy: Just pretend to be sick.
Sheldon: But that would be lying. I'm not a liar.
Missy: Well, you better be a swimmer. Or a drowner.

[Sheldon walks down the hallway, walks into his bedroom, stands beside his bed, and meekly punches his mattress]
Missy: That was the lamest tantrum I've ever seen.

Missy: Do I have to wait for Sheldon? Can't I just go now?
Mary: No, we're going together as a family.
Sheldon: Greetings, Mother. I'm ready to beam down to the party.
Mary: You go on ahead.
Missy: Oh, thank you, Jesus.

Missy: What'd I get him?
Mary: Connect Four.
Missy: That was thoughtful of me.

Mary: You're going to Billy's party.
Sheldon: But I don't want to.
Missy: And I don't want him to.
Mary: Too bad, he's going.
Missy: Then I don't want to go.
Mary: Everyone's going and everyone's gonna have fun.
Sheldon: This is so unfair.
Missy: It is. You should run away from home.

Mary: Hey, Shelly, I got something for you.
Sheldon: What is it?
Mary: An invitation to Billy Sparks's birthday on Saturday. Isn't that nice?
Missy: Sheldon's gonna go?
Sheldon: A child's birthday party? No, thank you.
Missy: Great.

Pastor Jeff: Some of the Romans thought he was a little weird, but if you invite him into your heart, you get to go to the biggest party of all, the one in the sky.
Missy: Ooh, a party in the sky. Fun.
Sheldon: He means heaven.
Missy: Or a blimp.
Sheldon: He means heaven.

Mary: I think this show is teaching you bad lessons.
Missy: Don't worry. I'm a slow learner.
Mary: Is that Goober? Where did you get that?
Missy: Georgie got it for me. He's rich now.

Missy: Ooh. 35 cents off Goober.
Mary: What's Goober?
Missy: Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Think about how much time we'd save.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Mary: I'm sorry those girls were so mean.
Missy: They didn't just call me a boy. They wouldn't sit with me at lunch. No one talked to me at recess.
Mary: Aw, baby.
Missy: Somebody crossed out "Missy Cooper" in my notebook and wrote "Mister Cooper."
Mary: Well, if that's what they're like, maybe you don't want them as friends.
Missy: I don't think I want to play baseball anymore.
Mary: If that's what you want, it's your decision.