Sheldon: Deep within the Enterprise's control room, Future Worf says, "I willingly sacrifice myself for the good of this mission," then throws himself into the warp core. There's an explosion of tachyons. The Enterprise blasts free of the gigantic field of fungus. Fade out. [toilet flushes] Written by Sheldon Lee Cooper. [George opens the bathroom door] What do you think?
George Sr.: If this Worf fella was infected on the shuttles, why would he come back to the Enterprise and put everyone else in danger?
Sheldon: Well...

Sheldon: Can you two help me with my homework?
George Sr.: Did I hear him right?
Missy: Yeah, he asked for help.
George Sr.: With his schoolwork?
Missy: Yep.
George Sr.: How long have you known him?
Missy: All my life.
George Sr.: Has he ever asked for help?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Hello.

George Sr.: Sorry. I didn't get much sleep.
Dale: Oh, you and Mary fighting again?
George Sr.: Oh, no, we're getting along real good.
Dale: Okay.
George Sr.: I mean... real good.
Dale: Yeah. I-I said okay.

Brenda Sparks: He's failing math, and they might hold him back.
George Sr.: That's rough.
Brenda Sparks: I try helping him, but math was never my strong suit.
George Sr.: Yeah, I hear ya. And when you do try to help 'em, they realize how dumb you are.
Brenda Sparks: You think... Sheldon would help Billy?
George Sr.: [sighs] I'm not sure helping others is where he shines. Pissing 'em off... He's got that down cold.

George Sr.: Never mind. Yeah, I told Brenda teaching wasn't really your thing.
Sheldon: Well, it's not that I can't do it.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it. You're good at a lot of things. Teaching just ain't one of 'em.
Sheldon: I know what you're doing. It's reverse psychology.
George Sr.: I don't know what you're talking about. [walks out]
Sheldon: It's childish and obvious.
George Sr.: [o.s.] So you'll do it?
Sheldon: Yes, I'll do it.

George Sr.: Ooh. Eggs and pancakes.
Mary: That's what a lumberjack gets for chopping all that wood.
George Sr.: [laughs] I'll be Paul Bunyan, you can be my babe, the blue fox.
Mary: [laughs] [laughing] George.

Mary: I have a wild and crazy idea.
George Sr.: Ooh, I like where this is headed.
Mary: Let's make a baby.
George Sr.: You're kidding, right?
Mary: I don't know. It might be fun to start over.
George Sr.: Fun? What house you been living in?
Mary: I'm serious. We've been getting along so great, and I have all this extra time on my hands. Uh, let's take advantage.
George Sr.: Your son's about to have a baby. You can take care of that one.
Mary: No, my mother called dibs.
George Sr.: Your mother's a million years old. You think she's gonna be changing diapers in the middle of the night? [Mary scoffs] I'll tell you what your problem is. You got kicked out of your church, your-your kids are grown up, you're feeling sorry for yourself, and, yeah, you think a baby'll solve the problem. [Mary is silent] Well? Say something.
Mary: You make me so mad. [walks off]
George Sr.: Where you going? We can still do it mad.

Coach Wilkins: She's cheating on me.
George Sr.: You sure? [Wayne nods] Oh, man. I'm sorry, that's terrible.
Coach Wilkins: With my best friend.
George Sr.: That's even more terrible.
Coach Wilkins: She was my world.
Principal Petersen: Well there's no reason to throw in the towel. I mean, you can still get her back.
Coach Wilkins: She's having his baby.
George Sr.: Well... Say something.
Principal Petersen: What do you say to that?
George Sr.: You really never suspected anything?
Principal Petersen: That's what you say?
George Sr.: You had nothing. Wayne, buddy, uh... Uh... No, I-I know it seems bad now, which it is. Which is why it seems that way.
Principal Petersen: Oh, my God.

George Sr.: Fine. Wayne, grab your pants. You're coming with me.
Coach Wilkins: I don't want to be around you and your happy family.
George Sr.: Happy? Uh, couple days with us and you'll be glad that kid ain't yours. Let's go. Pants.

Principal Petersen: I'm begging you, George. You know what a big deal this game is.
George Sr.: Don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. Okay.
Principal Petersen: Thank you. I owe you one.
George Sr.: I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the kids on that team.
Mary: What about Wayne?
George Sr.: What about him? [off Mary's look] And Wayne!

George Sr.: I had Georgie go get your car from the motel.
Coach Wilkins: Thanks.
George Sr.: Trust me, going back to work is just what you need. [Coach Wilkins nods] One thing you got to remember, this story ain't over. We don't know how it's gonna end. The only person that can decide that is you. You are the hero of your story. You take the action. You call the shots. You decide your destiny.
Coach Wilkins: That's the same speech you gave at halftime when we were getting our nuts crushed by Nacogdoches.
George Sr.: And you remember what happened? We came back and won that game.
Coach Wilkins: After their quarterback dislocated his shoulder.
George Sr.: You're not even trying, Wayne. I am, you're not.

George Sr.: Okay, we got your playbook, we got your practice plan, and you, sir, are ready to coach some kick-ass football.
Coach Wilkins: Thanks, George. I really appreciate everything you've done for me. Coming back to work was just what I needed. [phone rings]
George Sr.: Happy to help.
Coach Wilkins: [answers phone] Coach Wilkins.
Darlene: [on the phone] What the hell did you tell Missy Cooper?!
George Sr.: I'll give you some privacy.

George Sr.: I don't know how he's gonna coach the game on Friday night.
Mary: Poor man. Can you believe his marriage falling apart like that?
George Sr.: I know. If it was gonna happen to anybody, you'd think it'd be us.
Mary: Ain't that the truth. [George chuckles]

Principal Petersen: Feel like doing this again next week?
George Sr.: What are you saying?
Principal Petersen: I'm saying you got your job back. If you want it.
George Sr.: What about Wayne?
Principal Petersen: What about him?
George Sr.: He's got to be part of the deal.
Principal Petersen: Don't you have enough to worry about?
George Sr.: He's my friend. And if I want him out of my house, he needs a job.
Principal Petersen: Your call.

George Sr.: Thanks, Tom.
Principal Petersen: You bet.
[George shakes Petersen's hand and pulls him in for a bear hug, getting his jacket wet and muddy]
Principal Petersen: Hey! What...
George Sr.: That's for firing me.
Principal Petersen: You quit!

George Sr.: She introduced you to her folks?
George Jr.: Mmm, I sort of introduced myself to them, and it didn't go great.
George Sr.: Well, you're ass ain't full of buckshot, so it could have gone worse.
George Jr.: I don't know, it feels pretty bad.
George Sr.: Your Pop Pop decked me once.
George Jr.: No.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. Got me good. But it all worked out.
George Jr.: He end up liking you?
George Sr.: He died.

Mary: So, Jim, your daughter is just lovely.
Jim: Oh, thanks. And, uh, your son seems... brave.
George Sr.: Brave, dumb, it's a coin toss.

Mary: What can we help you with?
Jim: Oh, well, uh, I got some money here, and I was just hoping y'all could give it to Mandy.
Mary: She's just right across the street at my mom's. You could give it to her yourself.
Jim: Oh, no, I couldn't do that and stay married.
George Sr.: Sounds like we got the same wife.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: [laughs] Just trying to lighten the mood, honey. I-I'll make sure she gets it.
Jim: Thank you.
Mary: I'm sure your wife will come around eventually.
Jim: Well, I'm hoping that when she sees the baby, that ice cube in her chest might start to melt.
George Sr.: Yep, same wife. Come on, it's funny.

George Sr.: Mr. Vance, thank you for taking the time to see us.
Leslie: Oh, no problem. You know, I don't ordinarily handle intellectual property contracts, I'm more of a slip-and-fall guy.
Mary: I have seen your face on those park bench ads.
Leslie: [chuckles] Oh, you fall in the park, this is the first thing you see.

George Sr.: So, as I said on the phone, our son invented something that his university's interested in, but we feel they might be trying to keep the lion's share for themselves.
Leslie: You really think it's gonna be worth something?
George Sr.: Well, university seems to think so. They want 90% of it.
Leslie: Oh, is that so? What's the invention?
Mary: We don't really understand it. [sighs]
George Sr.: Oh, you know, it's a computer... thing.
Leslie: Ah, adding machine and carbon paper got me this far.
Mary: Mm.