George: I don't know how he's gonna coach the game on Friday night.
Mary: Poor man. Can you believe his marriage falling apart like that?
George: I know. If it was gonna happen to anybody, you'd think it'd be us.
Mary: Ain't that the truth. [George chuckles]

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: I know it's a lot.
Mandy: It's amazing. [chuckles]
Georgie: It is?
Mandy: My kid's going to private school. You're going to private school!

Sheldon: Niblingo, I have a question.
George: Niblingo?
Missy: He made it up.
Sheldon: I coined it because there was no word to denote the unmarried mother of our niece or nephew.
Mandy: Sheldon, that sounds rude.
Sheldon: Do you have a better word for the unmarried mother of a niece or nephew?
Mary: [exhales] I'm not sure we need one.
Mandy: I think it's sweet. Kind of.

Mandy: Uh, what's your question?
Sheldon: Thanks, Niblingo. I've heard that pregnant women eat for two. Does that mean that you need two full-size portions?
Missy: I guess Dad's pregnant then.
Mandy: One portion should be fine, considering the baby's the size of a golf ball.
Sheldon: Actually, according to my calculations, the baby's the size of a bell pepper. Although I could be off. When was your last menstruation?
Mary: You do not need to answer that.
Mandy: I was not going to.