Dr. John Sturgis: Mary, I just can't thank you enough for inviting me today.
Mary: You're very welcome, John. Love having you here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Last Thanksgiving, I just sat in my apartment all by myself and ate a turkey sandwich.
Meemaw: That is so sad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it wasn't at the time, but now that I have something to compare it to, I realize what a pathetic loser I was.
Meemaw: You were never a loser.
Missy: Yeah, you were.

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Georgie: What kind of homework is it?
Missy: Grammar.
Georgie: I ain't great with grammar.
Missy: Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good.

Tam: Spending the Thanksgiving weekend working in my family's convenience store, I observed my father and mother working from 6:00 in the morning till 10:00 at night. My hypothesis was that economic advancement for immigrant families is more important than celebrating a holiday where people eat until they pass out in front of the TV.
Mr. Givens: All right, Tam. Well, based on your observations and hypothesis, were you able to make a prediction?
Tam: Yes. At some point, my father would die prematurely from stress. And my mother will come live with me, where she will constantly disapprove of my hot, blonde, American wife.
Mr. Givens: Okay. Uh, I think we all learned something there. Uh, thank you, Tam.

Adult Sheldon: In tenth grade, high school students are presented with picking a class of their own choosing. This is called an elective. Courses on offer included wood shop, I'm happy with ten fingers, thank you; introduction to agriculture, I think you know the answer to that; wrestling, I'd rather milk that cow. All of which led me to the elective I reluctantly chose, Psychology 101, an investigation into why people think and feel the way they do.

George: Hey, Georgie, you have any sentimental attachment to this town?
Georgie: I don't know, why?
George: I'm just curious if, you know, we ever did pick up and live somewhere else, how you'd feel about it.
Georgie: Well, if it was Hawaii, I'd feel pretty great. That's where they make Magnum, P.I.
George: I don't think Hawaii's in the cards.
Georgie: How about Miami?
George: Let me guess, 'cause of Miami Vice?
Georgie: Golden Girls.
George: Course.
Sheldon: Car.
Georgie: I saw this one where Blanche dates this little guy who breaks up with her 'cause she's not Jewish. So good.
George: Forget about Miami and Hawaii and Blanche.