Mary: Well, you're living together, sleeping together, doing... other things together.
Mandy: [quietly] Told you we were being too loud.
Georgie: I'm ticklish, I can't help it.
Mary: Okay. I just think, if you're gonna be doing that, you should be married.
Georgie: I thought when you got married you stop doing that.
Mary: No, in fact... Don't change the subject.

George: Yeah, it was real nice of you two to pay for the wedding.
Jim: Well, you know, parents of the bride, tradition.
George: Yeah. If you need us to help out at all, we can kick in.
Jim: No, we got it.
George: [laughs] Good, 'cause we can't.

Audrey: You people don't even dance. What kind of a wedding is that?
Mary: It is about the union of two souls, not doing the hokeypokey.
Jim: Well, George, it was nice while it lasted.
George: Yeah, you take care of yourself.
Audrey: Hell of a lot more fun than a reception with no alcohol.
Mary: That's all you people care about, drinking.
Audrey: Jesus drank wine!
Mary: Well, he probably had to to put up with people like you!

Mandy: Hey, where are my folks?
[George shares a look with Mary]
Mandy: Oh, what'd she do?
Mary: I-I don't want to put you in the middle.
Georgie: Great. I'm gonna make a plate before Dad finishes it all.
George: What? I... There's 14 pounds.
Georgie: We're saying the same thing, big boy.

Pastor Jeff: Do you trust in Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? [CeeCee coos] Close enough. It's on your profession of faith that I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy...
Missy: [enters] Hey.
Mary: Hey, sweetie. How was school?
Missy: What's going on here?
Mary: Just washing CeeCee's hair.
Pastor Jeff: Mm.
Missy: With Pastor Jeff?
Pastor Jeff: It takes a village.
Missy: Whatever. [walks off]
Mary: [whispers] Go, go, go, go.
Pastor Jeff: ... and the Holy Spirit. Amen. [Mary gasps] In your face, Catholics. [they high-five]

Mary: Shelly, everything okay?
Sheldon: No, it is not. Both my computer and my trust have been betrayed.
George: Okay. Well, we-we're with company now. You can fill us in later.
Sheldon: I won't ruin your dinner with the suspense. Evan upgraded my computer.
Jim: Oh. That sounds nice.
Sheldon: He didn't even ask me.
Mary: Is it better?
Sheldon: It's different. What kind of person takes something that doesn't belong to them and changes it behind their back?
Mary: Well, m-maybe he thought he was doing the best thing for your computer.
Sheldon: It's my computer. It should have been my decision. I don't even have a room to storm off to!

Mandy: Sounds like things went better with my parents.
Mary: Yes. All good. We were both being stubborn before.
Mandy: Yeah, I know this is hard, but... thank you for letting us make our own decisions for our kid.
Mary: Mm-hmm. [throat breaks]
Mandy: You okay?
Mary: Yeah, yeah. Mm. But, um... there's something you should know. CeeCee... accidentally got splashed here in the sink this morning.
Mandy: So what?
Mary: Uh, Pastor Jeff did the splashing while he was baptizing her. [Mandy gasps] That's all.

Mandy: Can you believe it?
Audrey: I'm not surprised she would do something like this. But don't worry... I was one move ahead.
Mandy: What does that mean?
Audrey: It means my granddaughter's soul is safe.
Mandy: What did you do?
Audrey: Is that the sweater I bought you? Oh, it looks so cute.
Mandy: What did you do?!
Audrey: I baptized her. Grow up.

Mandy: They're making decisions about our child without talking to us. That's totally unacceptable.
Georgie: I'm right there with you. Not cool.
Mandy: Okay, so what are we gonna do about it?
Georgie: Well, I'm gonna talk to both of 'em and make it real clear there'll be no more baptizing. We are done with that.
Mandy: I forget sometimes what a child you are.
Georgie: You know, when you say hurtful stuff like that, you sound a little like your mother.
Mandy: Say that again.
Georgie: Kind of wish I never said it the first time.
Mandy: Mm-hmm.
Georgie: [quietly] Why do I even talk?

Georgie: Let me ask you a question. Can you un-baptize somebody?
Sheldon: Well, since it's a magical ceremony that doesn't mean anything, then, sure, why not? In the name of science and reason, I un-baptize you.
Georgie: No, not me. Put it back.
Sheldon: Oh. Okay. Control-Z. You're baptized.

Sheldon: Well, you're lucky it was just a baby and not a computer.
Georgie: It don't look broken.
Sheldon: "Doesn't." And it isn't.
Georgie: "Ain't."
Sheldon: Point is, my roommate went behind my back.
Georgie: Did he at least mean well?
Sheldon: Absolutely. He's a nice fella.
Georgie: Then what's your problem?
Sheldon: I'll show you.
Computer Voice: Check. Checkmate. Computer wins.
Sheldon: And it's set to novice level.
Georgie: I don't understand a damn thing I'm looking at.

Mandy: I'm not a lawyer, but you could make the argument that my child was kidnapped, twice. And you'd think Georgie would be on my side, but he wasn't even upset.
Meemaw: Well, you know, sometimes men can be... idiots.
Dale: Lovable idiots.

Sheldon: I'll get the monitor and the computer, you get the printer.
Mary: Hello.
Sheldon: Hello.
Evan: Don't forget the modem.
Sheldon: Mm.
Mary: I thought you were in school.
Sheldon: Oh, I was. Evan and I just came here to get my computer.
Mary: I'm guessing this is Evan.
Sheldon: Yes. Isn't he great?
Mary: Uh, Shelly, we're kind of in the middle of something.
Mandy: Oh, still? I was hoping we were done.
Mary: No, not done.
Sheldon: Just pretend we're not here, as I'm doing with you.

Sheldon: Wait, a wedding? Does that mean I have to be the best man?
Georgie: No, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay. But I am the best, and I am a man, just listen to my voice. Okay, I'll do it.
Evan: Can I come?
Sheldon: Sure.
Mandy: No.
Sheldon: [shakes his head] No.
Evan: Aw.

Mandy: Mom around?
Jim: Why?
Mandy: I'm not looking for a fight. I just have a wedding update.
Jim: Mm, sounds like fighting words to me.
Mandy: Dad.
Jim: Audrey! Mandy's here. She says she's not looking for a fight.
Audrey: [enters] Hello, Amanda.
Mandy: Hi, Mom.
Jim: [shivers] Just get chilly in here or what? [laughs]