Mary: We have to say something.
George: Or we mind our business.
Mary: It is a sin, George.
George: And like a good Christian, I choose to forgive them.

George: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: It's for my daughter. Mom baptized her in the kitchen sink, and Mandy's mom did it in a Catholic church.
Sheldon: Sure. Baptists versus Catholics. Much blood was shed over that in the 1500s.

Mary: [on the phone] Hi, Pastor Jeff. Can you come over right now? I need you to save someone's soul.
[Cut to Mary opening the front door to Pastor Jeff, who is holding his bible:]
Pastor Jeff: Whose soul needs saving? Is it Sheldon? I've been waiting for this.
Mary: No. We're still praying for him. Come in, we don't have much time.

Mary: Well, Mandy said that you don't go to church that often, so... how Catholic could you be?
Audrey: That's a funny question coming from a woman who left her own church.
Mary: I went back. And... my granddaughter is not gonna be raised Catholic. She's gonna worship Jesus, not the Pope.
Audrey: We don't worship the Pope.
Mary: Well y'all sure bought him a pretty fancy car.