Dr. John Sturgis: Very well. Now, I'll be in my room if you need me. Here's a glass of water if you get thirsty. And there's fresh chalk on the blackboard in case of any late-night epiphanies.

Brenda Sparks: What do you want?
Mary: I baked you a pie.
Brenda Sparks: Why?
Mary: Well, I was thinking we haven't had the best history as neighbors.
Brenda Sparks: That's 'cause we don't like each other.

Billy Sparks: [o.s.] Mom, I'm bleeding again!
Brenda Sparks: You know what, Mary? I appreciate it, but this isn't a great time. Bobbi stabbed Billy in the leg with a fork.
Mary: Good Lord. Is he okay?
Brenda Sparks: It was a plastic fork, but it broke the skin pretty good.
Mary: Oh, okay, I-I understand.
Brenda Sparks: How about I take that pie and give you a rain check?
Mary: Um, sure-
Billy Sparks: [o.s.] I think there's mustard in the fork holes!
Brenda Sparks: Got to go.
Mary: You can keep the pan!

Dr. John Sturgis: I may actually have had a concussion.
Meemaw: What are your symptoms?
Dr. John Sturgis: It feels like there's hair on my head.

George: I understand all that.
Mary: Then why are you pushing so hard for this?
George: Because these schools are interested now. It's like football recruitment. You got to strike while the iron's hot.
Mary: This is nothing like football.
George: Oh, yeah? What if he stops being smart and they don't want him anymore?
Mary: How is that gonna happen?
George: I don't know. Conks his head?

Sheldon: Hello!
George: Oh.
George: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I got called to the principal's office.
George: So did I. What, you do something wrong?
Sheldon: Not that I'm aware of. Did you?
George: I hope not.
Sheldon: Maybe it's good news.
George: Sheldon, you ever been called to the principal's office for good news?
Sheldon: Never.

George: Can you believe it? Perfect score.
Meemaw: Good job, moon pie.

Mary: You honestly think that little boy's ready for college?
George: Hey, I didn't think he was ready for high school, but here we are, a year and a half in, and no one got hurt.
Mary: That is different. He's got you and Georgie over there, and he's still living at home with his mother and his sister.
Meemaw: And me.
Mary: Sure.

Mary: Will you help me, please?
Meemaw: Sorry, I'm not a part of this conversation.

Sheldon: At least Dad's on my side.
Missy: Doesn't matter. Mom's gonna win. She always does.
Sheldon: But I have to leave for college at some point.
Missy: If you went to college, you know what would happen?
Sheldon: I'd enjoy higher learning?
Missy: You would die. You would curl up on the floor and die.

Mary: Sheldon! Come back in here!
Sheldon: I guess we'll find out what happened.
Missy: I already know what happened. Mom won.

Sheldon: Why can't I go there full-time?
Mary: Oh, baby, it's an hour away. We can't drive you back and forth every day.
Meemaw: I'm the one who's been driving him.
Sheldon: And she loves it.
Meemaw: How can he be so smart and so clueless at the same time?

Sheldon: They're still discussing.
Missy: Mom didn't win?
Sheldon: It's touch and go.
Missy: Crazy.

Meemaw: I don't know.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, despite appearances, I'm not some stereotypical absentminded professor who can't take care of a houseplant.
Meemaw: No, no, I wasn't saying that. Yeah, maybe I was.

Mary: I'm just saying, it can be tough sleeping in a new place without your mom.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis will be there. He's like a mom. But he's really smart.