Sheldon: At least Dad's on my side.
Missy: Doesn't matter. Mom's gonna win. She always does.
Sheldon: But I have to leave for college at some point.
Missy: If you went to college, you know what would happen?
Sheldon: I'd enjoy higher learning?
Missy: You would die. You would curl up on the floor and die.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

Sheldon: Do you believe there's intelligent life in the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no doubt.
Sheldon: Why is that?
Dr. John Sturgis: The Drake Equation claims that there are at least 20 detectable civilizations in our Milky Way galaxy alone.
Sheldon: Interesting. My sister likes to say that I'm an alien.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've often been called that. Once by the praying mantis in my dream.
Sheldon: Maybe we are aliens.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps. Or maybe people like you and me were the original inhabitants of Earth, and everyone else is from outer space.
Sheldon: Ooh, I like that better.

Ms. Ingram: Mm-hmm. I'll tell him. Sheldon, you need to go to the principal's office.
Students: Ooh!
Sheldon: You do that every time. Why?

George Sr.: So what's this mean?
Principal Petersen: It means he pitched a perfect game, George. I've already gotten calls from colleges who want to meet him.
George Sr.: For, like, scholarships and stuff?
Principal Petersen: For everything! They might even pay you to get him.
George Sr.: My man!
Sheldon: When was the last time you washed your hands?
George Sr.: Come on!