George: All right, here's the deal. My kid's got a damn ulcer 'cause of you, so either you take him seriously, or you're gonna be taking me seriously. [INTERCOM BUZZES]
Mrs. Veazey: Yes, sir?
Dr. Hodges: Janice, why don't you send the little boy in? Right away.

Sheldon: And here near apogee, we gimbal the engine to exert a torque that executes a pitchover maneuver to flip the rocket by 180 degrees.
Dr. Hodges: Well, that's very impressive. Thank you very much for taking the time-
Sheldon: I'm not done.
Dr. Hodges: Uh, sorry.

Dr. Hodges: This is groundbreaking work. Thank you.
Sheldon: And?
Dr. Hodges: And?
Sheldon: I thought you might want to apologize.
Dr. Hodges: Well why?
Sheldon: You tried to shut me up with a patch.
Dr. Hodges: Well, I-I give those to everyone. A-And you have to understand, Sheldon, that while your math is-is theoretically correct, we don't have the technical capability to execute it.
Sheldon: So I'm ahead of my time?
Dr. Hodges: Well it would appear so.
Sheldon: All right, call me when you catch up.

Sheldon: Dad?
George: Yeah?
Sheldon: Thank you.
George: You're welcome.

Mary: We're real proud of you, honey.
Missy: Are you proud of me and Georgie?
Mary: Of course.
George: You bet.
Georgie: For what?
Meemaw: Don't go pokin' at it.

Missy: I don't want to die. I've only kissed one boy so far.
Mary: What?
Missy: Relax. It was a long time ago.
George: Are you relaxed?

Mary: Shelly, remember when you thought you had leprosy, and it was just a patch of dry skin?
George: And when you thought you had gout? Or an enlarged prostate?
Mary: Or mad cow?
Missy: That was my favorite.

Mr. Givens: All right, uh, let's give a warm welcome to my good buddy, Dr. Ronald Hodges.
Dr. Hodges: Hey, kids. Hey. Glad to be here. And, uh, Hubert, the answer to your question is, one of those roomies was busy studying while the other was out chasing high school girls.
Mr. Givens: Yeah. To be clear, they were all over 18.
Dr. Hodges: Eh.

Dr. Hodges: Now, who here wants to know how astronauts go to the bathroom?
Boy: Me. I do.
Dr. Hodges: Oh, right. See, now, during liftoff, all the astronauts wear diapers.

Dr. Hodges: Yeah, perhaps when Captain Kirk said, "To boldly go," he meant in one of those, huh? Yeah, that's right. Beam me up, Potty!

Sheldon: Mom, can you take me to Radio Shack?
Mary: Not today, baby. I have to go food shopping and get dinner started.
Sheldon: But it's important.
Mary: Sorry. Maybe over the weekend.
Sheldon: But it won't take that long.
Mary: Sheldon, I said no.
Sheldon: But, Mom-
Mary: Not another word.

Adult Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, but as a child, I was prone to the occasional meltdown.
Sheldon: Cheese and crackers!
Adult Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to hear that.

George: I say no Radio Shack for at least a month.
Mary: Sounds fair.
George: I'll go tell him.
Meemaw: I'd wait and tell him tomorrow. He's a little loopy right now.

Mary: What's the matter, baby? Have a tummy ache?
Sheldon: I think it's an ulcer.
George: Don't be silly. You must have eaten something.
Sheldon: No. My symptoms are consistent with an ulcer.

Sheldon: I've heard some interesting research about treating ulcers with antimicrobials.