Dr. Hodges: Yeah, perhaps when Captain Kirk said, "To boldly go," he meant in one of those, huh? Yeah, that's right. Beam me up, Potty!

George: All right, here's the deal. My kid's got a damn ulcer 'cause of you, so either you take him seriously, or you're gonna be taking me seriously. [INTERCOM BUZZES]
Mrs. Veazey: Yes, sir?
Dr. Hodges: Janice, why don't you send the little boy in? Right away.

Dr. Hodges: Now, who here wants to know how astronauts go to the bathroom?
Boy: Me. I do.
Dr. Hodges: Oh, right. See, now, during liftoff, all the astronauts wear diapers.

Dr. Hodges: I'll tell you what. Here is a NASA patch. Why don't you have your mom sew that on your book bag?

Meemaw: So I saw a lawyer today.
Mary: Why?
Meemaw: I'm putting together my last will and testament.
George: We're gonna miss ya.
Mary: George.
Meemaw: Don't worry. I ain't leaving him squat.

Mary: Sheldon, who are you talking to?
Sheldon: Dorothy Fitzpatrick.
Mary: Who's Dorothy Fitzpatrick? Is she a new buddy from school?
Sheldon: She's the loan officer at The First National Bank of Medford.
Mary: Why are you talking to her?
Sheldon: Mom, can this wait? I'm trying to negotiate favorable terms. Hello, Dorothy? [Mary hangs up]

Adult Sheldon: People often wonder why I chose to pursue a career in theoretical physics. I usually respond by saying I wanted to unravel the inner workings of the universe. But the real answer was I wanted to prove this nincompoop wrong.