Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to speak with the veterinarian. Well, I was hoping you might have one or two dogs under anesthesia that I might come by and pet. Sure, I'll hold.

Pastor Jeff: Ladies. Do I need to remind you that we are Christians? In all our behavior, in all our actions, we must constantly ask ourselves the question, "What would Jesus do?"
Meemaw: Can I say something?
Pastor Jeff: Would Jesus say it?
Meemaw: Never mind.

Meemaw: I'm sorry for the things I said, and, you know, what happened at the bowling alley.
Brenda Sparks: As am I.
Meemaw: Here. I think this came out of your head.

George: I'm proud of him for trying to overcome that damn dog phobia.
Mary: You should tell him that.
George: Well, if he ever leaves that bathroom, I will.

Meemaw: Hey, Moonpie. I got you a little something to help you get over your fear of animals.
Sheldon: A tranquilizer gun?

Meemaw: Well, I thought you could start small and then work your way up. Look, he's kind of cute.
Sheldon: He doesn't even care that I'm here. I like him.

Mary: George! You are not gonna believe this. Look. Their dog left a dead squirrel in our living room.
Herschel Sparks: Well, he is part hunting dog. I think that means he likes you.
Mary: I'm not interested in winning his affection. I'm interested in keeping dogs and rodents outside of my home.
Brenda Sparks: Well, now, hold on. How do we know it was Bucky that left that squirrel in your house? Maybe that squirrel was already there.
Mary: Why else would a dead squirrel be in my living room?
Brenda Sparks: I don't know what kind of house you keep.

Brenda Sparks: How do we know that your son didn't lure Bucky in to perform weird science experiments on him?

Billy Sparks: My mom also hates their grandma.
Missy: 'Cause she lost a fight to her.
Billy Sparks: Nuh-uh, she won. She said so.

Adult Sheldon: It was a beautiful morning in East Texas. The kind of morning that made you want to get up, get dressed and test that acceleration due to gravity does not depend on an object's motion.

Adult Sheldon: The Earth causes the same gravitational acceleration of everything, even a doll and a flying Ping-Pong ball. It's not often a man of science gets to say "Yippee ki-yay," and mean it, but-
Sheldon: Yippee ki-yay.

Adult Sheldon: In panic situations, I'd often lose consciousness. This time, I only lost my voice.
Sheldon: [WEAKLY] Help. Please help.

Mary: She can cut her own crusts off.

Missy: Who are you? You're so cute.
Sheldon: [weakly] Be careful.
Missy: What are you doing up there?
Sheldon: Staying alive.

Missy: Whose dog is this?
Sheldon: I don't know. Get help.
Missy: Well, how did he get into the garage?
Sheldon: Please get help.
Missy: Maybe we can keep it.
Sheldon: I'm begging you, get help now.
Missy: First, I have to tell you something.
Sheldon: What?
Missy: Lunch is ready. [walks away]