George: Will you look at that? What kind of dog chews through wood? Y'all are feeding him, right?

Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.
George: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.
Mary: He still makes me stir it.

Sheldon: [DOG PANTING] Mom! [DOG BARKS]
Adult Sheldon: At least this time, sound came out. I call that progress.

Herschel Sparks: What's going on?
George: Your dog got into our house.
Herschel Sparks: How the hell did he do that?
George: He pushed in a screen window.
Herschel Sparks: You think he chewed through the fence again?
George: All I know is Sheldon's yelling at the dog, and Mary's yelling at me. Now I'm looking at you in your underwear.

Herschel Sparks: Bucky got in their house.
Brenda Sparks: That's funny.
George: It might be funny one day, not right now.

Mary: My house is immaculate. George, tell them.
George: Uh, she does keep a nice house.
Herschel Sparks: Honey, it's a pretty good chance it was Bucky.
Brenda Sparks: Whose side are you on?
Herschel Sparks: Yours, always yours.

Meemaw: Anyway, the point is, you don't can't go throwing gasoline on the fire.
Mary: Well, they started this fire, and now, they're gonna get burned.
Meemaw: I believe you've had enough coffee.

Meemaw: Let me buy you a drink, and we'll talk about this. I'm more on your side than you think.
Brenda Sparks: Somehow, I doubt that.
Meemaw: It's true. Don't you think I realize that Mary can be a bit-
Brenda Sparks: Of a self-righteous bitch?
Meemaw: I was gonna say "challenging," but sure, let's go with yours. It's got a nice rhythm.

Meemaw: Brenda, this is, by far, the best bowling alley margarita in town.

Missy: I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Mary: No, you don't.
George: Pick again.

Adult Sheldon: The next step was to go face-to-face with real dogs. Albeit through a plate-glass window.
Sheldon: Okay, that's enough.

Adult Sheldon: And finally, a close encounter of the third kind, physical contact with a member of the canine species.

Adult Sheldon: In my life, I've often been accused of being a physical coward, and for the most part, those accusations are correct. But there have been times when I've shown great courage. This was one of them.

Pastor Jeff: Now oftentimes, when we don't like someone, what's happening is we see something in them that we don't like in ourselves.
Brenda Sparks: What are you saying?
Mary: Really? That was over your head?
Pastor Jeff: I'm saying, y'all might have more in common than you think.
Meemaw: Well, don't say both their kids are "special". She [pointing towards Brenda] does not like that.