George: [chuckles] I hope you're a starving artist 'cause I got a brisket on the smoker out there with your name on it.
Jim: Connor, uh, is also, uh, a-a vegetarian.
George: [stammers] No problem. We got beans. That's a vegetable. Right? [chuckles] Come on.

Georgie: I got to tell you, I think the Cowboys are gonna take it all the way this year.
Connor: Not really into football.
Georgie: Seriously? [Connor shrugs] That's cool. You like cars?
Connor: Not really.
Georgie: Music?
Connor: Yeah.
Georgie: Great. Who do you like?
Connor: The Smiths.
Georgie: I don't know them. Guns N' Roses?
Connor: [scoffs] Corporate rock sellouts.
Georgie: Yeah, well, sellouts who kick ass, so...

Sheldon: Hello.
Georgie: Sheldon, this is Mandy's brother, Connor.
Sheldon: Are you watching the game? Because I heard the Cowboys are going to go all the way this year.
Georgie: It's okay. He don't watch football either.
Sheldon: Great. I learned who Troy Aikman is for nothing.

George: So, Connor seems like a good kid.
Jim: Oh, yeah, yeah, he's a good kid. From another planet.
George: Oh, I got one of those. Georgie's little brother.
Jim: Is he a 22-year-old art school graduate with no prospects of ever holding down a real job?
George: [chuckles] Actually, he's a science genius who started college when he was 11.
Jim: Let's just talk about the brisket.

Georgie: So, Connor, what was your sister like as a kid?
Connor: Um... we really didn't get along. Yeah, she was older and loved picking on me.
Sheldon: The same thing with me and Georgie.
Connor: Once, she replaced my toothpaste with a tube of hemorrhoid cream.
Georgie: [laughs] Remember when I used to sit on your head when you'd watch Star Trek?
Sheldon: I do.
Georgie: Guess what I did when they'd fire their phasers.
Sheldon: You don't need to say it.
Georgie: I farted. [laughs] Hilarious.

Georgie: How's a dog supposed to read a subpoena?

Connor: Look how gritty this is. Frank Miller really brought a whole new aesthetic to comic books.
Sheldon: Hmm. I've never really thought of it that way.
Adult Sheldon: I was doing it. I was bonding.
Sheldon: Now, would you please put it back in the bag?
Connor: Oh. Sure.
Adult Sheldon: And I was great at it.

Missy: Oh, I thought of another game we could play. First, you melt chocolate in a diaper...
Mary: Keep thinking.

Mary: All right, Missy, you're first. How much do you think the baby's gonna weigh?
Missy: Uh, I'm gonna say... Hmm. 18 pounds. [Meemaw laughs]
Brenda Sparks: Ooh, ouch.
Missy: Too much?
Meemaw: Too much.

Sheldon: But I'm trying to get out of the house on Sunday.
Dr. Linkletter: Why?
Sheldon: The father and the brother of the woman my brother impregnated are coming over to watch sports with my brother and my father.
Dr. Linkletter: So you're trying to avoid a male bonding experience?
Sheldon: At all cost.
Dr. Linkletter: You know, son, as scientists, we're often teamed with people that we don't know. The ability to bond and build relationships, that's- that's an essential skill.
Sheldon: So you're suggesting I use this gathering as an opportunity to better those skills?
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly.
Sheldon: Very well. I'll give it a go.

Brenda Sparks: So, Audrey, is this your first grandkid?
Audrey: Yep.
Brenda Sparks: You must be excited.
Audrey: Sure. Can't say I'm thrilled with the circumstances, but... Amanda's always done things her way.
Meemaw: I have a lot of grandkids. At some point, you just stop caring how they got here. [Audrey nods]
Brenda Sparks: I'm gonna get some punch.
Meemaw: It's nonalcoholic.
Brenda Sparks: Oh.

Georgie: When is this thing anyways?
Mary: Sunday.
Georgie: Oh, shoot. I got a date with Amber. I got to cancel.
Meemaw: You ain't invited.
Georgie: But I'm the dad.
Missy: No boys allowed. Southern Living says so.

Mary: Who is Amber?
Georgie: A girl I'm seeing.
Mary: Does Mandy know?
Mandy: Know what?
Mary: Oh, nothing.
Georgie: It was actually her idea.
Mandy: What, Amber? Oh, yeah, I know.
Missy: She's divorced.
Georgie: What? Don't worry, she ain't old. It's just she got married too young.

Mary: So, Mandy, have you given any thought to which friends or family you want to invite?
Mandy: Well, given the circumstances, I'm thinking maybe we keep it small.
Meemaw: 'Cause your friends don't know about this?
Mandy: They don't know about this. They don't know about that. They don't know about any of it.

George: You may not want to be there. It's a rough one.
Mary: George.
George: Oh, you're right, dear. It's a beautiful event which I will never forget.
Sheldon: Wait, you said it was beautiful and then made a face to imply that it wasn't. So, which is it?
Missy: Oh, my God, Sheldon, it's disgusting.
Sheldon: He could've just said that.