Sheldon: Can't we just do this individually?
Keith: Why are you complaining? I'm the one stuck working with a kid.
Sheldon: Hey. When it comes to physics, I'm practically a coot. Which is an old person word for someone who's old. Tell him.
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sam: Let's just go to a coffee shop and get this over with.
Sheldon: I can't go now. I have to get home for my bath and bedtime. Which is also something an old person does.
Dr. John Sturgis: That we do.

Adult Sheldon: Growing up, I had an aversion to any type of group. For example, rock groups. I'll restrict my drug use to Rolaids, thank you. Group costumes. I'll tell you who really didn't have a heart: my mother, for making me wear a funnel on my head. But of all the groups I didn't like, by far the worst was...
Dr. John Sturgis: Group projects. [class groans] Yeah. You heard me.

Mary: Where have you been?
George Jr.: Trying to find a job, but no one's hiring.
Mary: I'm sorry. Grab a plate and sit with us.
George Jr.: I ain't hungry. [exits]
Mary: So, where were we? Oh. Boys.
Missy: Georgie, come back.

Sheldon: Are you still interested in getting rich quick?
George Jr.: No, I want to do it slow like a chump.
Sheldon: Oh. Never mind.

Adult Sheldon: The next day, I set out to start my own club. It involved science, education and all the glitz and glamour of show business. All I had to do was sit back and wait for my new Proton posse to come rolling in.
Sheldon: Greetings, fellow Professor Proton fan.
Guy: Oh, I thought this room was empty.
Sheldon: Well, it's not. This is a meeting of the Professor Proton Appreciation Club. Would you like to fill out an application?
Guy: I'm just looking for someplace quiet.
Sheldon: I understand. Well, it doesn't look like anyone's gonna show up, so if you would like to read here, you're welcome to.
Guy: Okay. [sits down]
Sheldon: I was only starting this club because my mother wanted me to make some friends. Not just her. It started with my physics professor, Dr. Linkletter, who I thought was my friend but then decided...
Guy: Are you gonna keep talking?
Sheldon: I-I've got a book.
Adult Sheldon: That day, the Read in Silence Club was born. Its members were me and my new friend...
Sheldon: What's your name?
Guy: Shh.
Adult Sheldon: And my new friend, that guy.

George Sr.: Did you know Sheldon and Georgie are working on something together?
Mary: That's nice. And guess what Missy asked me if she could wear a cross. She's in her bedroom saying prayers right now.
George Sr.: Hmm. I don't like it.
Mary: What are you talking about? Our kids are behaving.
George Sr.: Exactly. Something bad's gonna happen.
Mary: Why can't you just be thankful?
George Sr.: Because that's when life kicks you right in the plums, Mary.

Sheldon: Now we have to sift the powder again because the platinum particles are extremely small, sometimes no more than just a few atoms.
George Jr.: If I was as smart as you, I'd play the stock market. Or go on Price Is Right.

Adult Sheldon: Meemaw liked to teach me things that kept me awake at night.

Missy: "I know you got your hands full with all that sad stuff, like disease and war and hunger and poverty, so thanks again for helping me get some hits at practice." Amen.
Mary: Don't forget to ask him to keep our family safe and healthy.
Missy: I just hung up. Don't make me call him back.

Adult Sheldon: In case you're worried, Mabel and I did finally make it to Oregon, where I remarried and lived to the ripe old age of 41.

George Jr.: Hey, what you doing?
Sheldon: Playing a historically accurate game called The Oregon Trail.
George Jr.: That sounds boring.
Sheldon: Hardly. My wagon broke an axle, and my wife died of dysentery.
George Jr.: Well, can you pause it for a sec?
Sheldon: It does seems rude to push on to Oregon while my daughter Mabel is mourning the loss of her mother.

Mary: I'm real glad you've been getting out again.
Meemaw: Me, too. We had a nice dinner, took a walk. He's a divorcee, you know.
Mary: I didn't.
Meemaw: It's not a big deal for those people. If they're not a lawyer, they're related to one.

George Sr.: Y-You're just going through a little slump. Happens to everyone.
Missy: Well, how do I get out of it?
Meemaw: When I've been at the craps table-
Mary: George, you give advice.
Meemaw: Oh, smart. Man's been in a slump his whole life.

Umpire: Strike three. You're out.
Meemaw: Hey, ump, you're blind.
George Sr.: She swung and missed.
Meemaw: Fine. Hey ump, you're bald. Better?

George Jr.: Listen to this: "Raise bees and sell the honey for profit."
Sheldon: Do it, and I'm living with Meemaw.

Adult Sheldon: The Clean Air Act required all new cars to be equipped with catalytic converters to combat air pollution. The first state to do this was California, which led Texans to say things like-
Peg: I hate California.
Adult Sheldon: And...
Peg: When will that place fall in the ocean? [hacks]
Adult Sheldon: While not everyone was happy about it, six years later, one particular Texan saw an opportunity to get rich quick.
George Jr.: Oh, man, I'm gonna get rich quick.

Missy: Come on.
Sheldon: I don't want to.
Missy: Just one more time.
Sheldon: Fine.
Both: Rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony!
Sheldon: Rock trips pony. I win.
Missy: How do you keep winning?
Sheldon: You keep picking pony.

Meemaw: So, what else has Dale told you about our relationship?
June: You still hung up on that?
Meemaw: Apparently.
June: You know, I don't think he meant to. We were having a drink, and it just kind of slipped out.
Meemaw: Y'all still go out drinking together?
June: It was our grandson's elementary school graduation, so yeah.
Meemaw: I didn't know y'all were that close.
June: Are you jealous?
Meemaw: No.
June: Sounds like it.
Meemaw: Well... You ever sleep with him after the divorce?
June: Gross! No. That cranky bag of wrinkles is all yours.
Meemaw: That's a comfort. [laughs] I guess.

Tam: Hello.
Sheldon: Tam? What are you doing here?
Tam: Would you like to go to a party with me?
Sheldon: I don't want to go to a party with anyone.

George Sr.: Sheldon, I'm not driving you home. I got practice in minutes.
Sheldon: Then call Mom and tell her to bring them to me.
George Sr.: She's working, too.
Sheldon: But I need my goggles!
George Sr.: Then use the ones in class. And I don't want to hear about eyebrow lice.
Sheldon: The ones in class are too big for me. What if they fall off and something happens to my eyes? If I go blind, I'll need a Seeing Eye dog, and I'm scared of dogs.
George Sr.: Hey! Is this how you plan on acting when you get to college?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Good, 'cause you're gonna need to handle stuff like this on your own.
Sheldon: I can handle it.
George Sr.: I hope so.