Meemaw: What?
Missy: You said you'd show me how to hot-roll my hair.
Meemaw: Oh, right. You still want to do that?
Missy: You're cranky.
Meemaw: So maybe I shouldn't be putting hot rollers on your head.
Missy: Meh, you're always cranky. Let's do this.

Billy Sparks: I would like your permission to ask out Missy.
George Sr.: Really?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George Sr.: Okay. Uh... [TV turns off] Well, I appreciate you coming to me.
Billy Sparks: I wanted to do this the right way.
George Sr.: Uh-huh. You know, Billy, this sounds like a big step. I'm not sure Missy's really ready for dating yet.
Billy Sparks: She went out with Marcus from school. They went to the movies.
George Sr.: Yeah, that is... meaningful.
Billy Sparks: But they broke up, so now's my chance.

Sheldon: Mom, will Dr. Sturgis be coming over again?
Mary: Oh. Um, I don't know.
Sheldon: He should. We had so much fun talking about the mental hospital, we barely got to talk about science.
Mary: Well, I don't know what his plans are.
Sheldon: Is Meemaw coming for dinner tonight?
Mary: No. She is busy.
Sheldon: With Dr. Sturgis? Maybe I can join them. All my fun facts make me a welcome addition to any dinner date.

George Sr.: [opens door] Hey, Billy. Sheldon's not here.
Billy Sparks: Is Missy?
George Sr.: Nope.
Billy Sparks: Good. I need to talk to you alone. [enters]
George Sr.: [sighs] Balls.

Adult Sheldon: In astronomy, a syzygy is a rare event when three or more celestial bodies line up.
You may also know it as the stars aligning, which was probably coined by someone who couldn't spell "syzygy." If you want to win Scrabble, remember this bad boy. My father's idea of the stars aligning was having the house completely to himself. I was at school, Missy was at a friend's, Georgie was working, and my mother was on her way to a church retreat.
[elsewhere:]
Mary: [sings] There was a God who had a son, and Jesus was his name-o ?
Pastor Jeff: [sings] J-E-S-U-S
Mary: [sings] J-E-S-U-S
Pastor Jeff: J-E-S-U-S
Mary: And Jesus was his name-o. [honks horn]
Adult Sheldon: For my father, it was sweet, Southern syzygy. S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y. Syzygy. [doorbell rings]
George Sr.: [sighs] Balls.

Sheldon: How come Georgie's not going?
Mary: He's grounded for eavesdropping on me and your father.
Missy: Well, I hope he learned his lesson.

Dale: Could me and your meemaw have a little privacy, please?
Missy: We can leave, but we're still gonna listen.
Sheldon: [rolls dice] Also, you find no traps.
Dale: What is your problem?
Meemaw: You act like Mr. Goody Two-shoes, and you expect me to believe that's real?
Dale: Yeah.
Meemaw: Well, I don't.
Dale: Sheldon said there were no traps. [scoffs]

George Jr.: Over here is my bedroom area, for sleeping and whatnot. That's my gym. And last but not least, kitchen and bathroom.
Mary: Georgie, do not use that sink as a bathroom.
George Jr.: Relax. Just number one.

George Sr.: There you go.
Missy: Okay, these posters go on that wall. That poster goes over the bed.
George Sr.: [scoffs] I'm not your moving man.
Missy: You're right, I'm growing up. Guess I can't be Daddy's little girl forever. [pouts]
George Sr.: Which one goes over the bed?
Missy: Um, "New Kids".

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Hello.
Mary: Hello, Dr. Sturgis. This is Mary Cooper.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi. Thanks for calling me back.
Mary: So, what's going on? Everything okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, everything is quite good, actually. Well, for me, that is. Um... did you know there's a supercollider being built in Waxahachie, Texas?
Mary: No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Do you know what a supercollider is?
Mary: Not really.
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like a crash course? Which is humorous because it involves particles crashing into each other.
Mary: [on the phone] I'd like you to tell me what this has to do with Sheldon.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that part's less funny. I've taken a job there.

George Jr.: What time do I need to be there to set up?
Mary: Noon's fine.
George Sr.: What, you're helping out?
George Jr.: Yeah.
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: I want to support Mom. And God.
Missy: You're just doing it 'cause Veronica's gonna be there.
George Jr.: And who made Veronica?

Sheldon: Here you go. 473 grease-free bolts.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.
Sheldon: Now what? How about I help you design an even better solar neutrino detector?
Dr. Linkletter: Actually, what I need you to do is... take this grease and put it on these bolts.
Sheldon: But I just took the grease off the bolts.
Dr. Linkletter: That was the wrong grease. This is the right grease. Have at it.
Sheldon: If this is some kind of test to get me to quit, it's not going to work.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know what you were expecting, but this is a menial job. After this, I need you to sort a crate of resistors, strip a case of wire and then sweep up.
Sheldon: Oh. Then I quit.

George Jr.: I'm thinking I'll put the flag over that window for, you know, privacy.
Mary: If you want, I could sew some curtains, make it look homey.
George Jr.: Nice. Girls will eat that up.
Mary: Flag is fine.

Dr. John Sturgis: [snoring]
Mary: What happened?
George Sr.: Oh, I had a few beers. He had one.
Missy: Seriously? We can't get a dog, and this guy's still here?

Sheldon: Help me with my clothes.
Missy: Burn them and get new ones.
Sheldon: Please, it's freshman orientation. I want to make a good impression.
Missy: Fine.
Sheldon: Which bow tie says mature enough to be in college but whimsical enough to discuss which came first, the Higgs field or the photon?
Missy: They both say weird kid who eats alone.
Sheldon: Come on. I know you're concerned about what you'll wear to middle school.
Missy: [sighs] Show me again. The blue one. Plaid's too busy.
Sheldon: Thanks.
Missy: Or don't be the kid in a bow tie.
Sheldon: This is not the day to go crazy.

Sheldon: You enter a dark and musty crypt. Torches along the walls fill the room with a flickering light. In the center of the room is a mysterious glowing chest. What do you do?
Missy: I open the chest.
Meemaw: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[fantasy:]
Meemaw: It's a chest in the middle of a crypt. That's a little suspicious, don't you think?
Missy: I don't know. I'm not even sure what a crypt is.
Meemaw: Aah! It could be booby-trapped.
Sheldon: [v.o.] Thieves have the ability to check for traps.
Meemaw: Good for me, I can do that.
Dale: Hold it. This chest does not belong to us.
Meemaw: So?
Dale: I'm a paladin. It's not a very... paladin-y thing to do.
Meemaw: You didn't want to steal the key, you didn't want to fight the goblins. You wouldn't even kill the spider. You put it in a cup and took it outside.
[reality:]
Dale: Well, that wasn't in the game.
Meemaw: I know. It was in real life, which is worse.

George Sr.: Oh... Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: It is great having y'all next door.
George Sr.: Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?
Pastor Jeff: It's okay. I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.
George Sr.: Missy was a crier. Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself."
Pastor Jeff: Well, he's a miracle in his own way.
George Sr.: Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?
Pastor Jeff: Kind of goes with the pastor territory.
George Sr.: Okay. What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?
Pastor Jeff: I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.
George Sr.: You're good. [chuckles] You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

Ira Rosenbloom: Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend comes home from the mental hospital, he dumps you, and he suggests that you go out with me?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Ira Rosenbloom: Sounds like a spite date.
Meemaw: Well, gosh, when you say it like that, doesn't sound great.
Ira Rosenbloom: No.No, no, I'm fine with it. I just I want to make sure I got everything right.
Meemaw: Hospital, dumped, spite. You got it.
Ira Rosenbloom: All right. I hear the creamed spinach is terrific.

Adult Sheldon: I eventually made my peace with having a room to myself. And I was never truly alone, thanks to my science posse: Stephen, Albert, Richard and Arthur. But for those times when I did need to communicate with Missy, we had a system.
[Sheldon pulls on a rope which pulls a lever which knocks on Missy's wall, prompting her to pick up a walkie talkie]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Just testing the system.
Missy: You tested it yesterday.
Sheldon: Just because it worked yesterday doesn't mean it's working today.
Missy: It's working. Good night.
Sheldon: Good night. Sleep tight. [knocking on wall]
Missy: [over radio] What?
Sheldon: Did you know when people say "sleep tight," they're referring to when beds were made of ropes, and the tighter the rope, the more comfortable the bed was to sleep on?
Missy: Cool. Bye.
Adult Sheldon: My sister wasn't always a fan of my informative tidbits, so I didn't tell her that the entire phrase, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite" is actually from the book What They Say in New England: A Book of Signs, Sayings, and Superstitions. Until I told her. [knocking on wall]

George Jr.: How do relationships work for old people? When you were young, you didn't think old women looked hot. But now that you're old, do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's a very interesting question.
Mary: Can I speak to you in the kitchen?
George Sr.: I want to hear the answer.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've always found your grandmother to be very hot stuff.
George Sr.: All right, let's go.
George Jr.: But you can see her wrinkles, right?