Sheldon: We may have a problem.
Evan: Oh, what's wrong? The program's running really slow. We're losing money.
Joaquin: Well, what's happening? It was fine this morning.
Sheldon: I don't know if this is related, but I did add a new subroutine.
Evan: To do what?
Sheldon: To resolve the inconsistencies between general relativity and quantum mechanics.
Evan: Why would you do that?
Sheldon: Because our algorithm's so smart and it's the biggest unanswered question in the universe.
Evan: But it's messing with the computer. We're losing money.
Joaquin: What about my car? What about girls?
Sheldon: Rest assured, you solve general relativity, the girls will be lined up around the block to kiss you.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: "Ergo"?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Pastor Jeff: Come on up here, Sheldon. Let's hear what you got.
Sheldon: I've spent the last week studying what people believe, and I've come to a conclusion.
Pastor Jeff: And what's that?
Sheldon: I'm starting my own religion.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: I'm calling it Mathology. It's based on a universal binary system.
Pastor Jeff: That's terrific, Sheldon, but this is a Baptist Sunday school.
Sheldon: I know, I'm here to convert everybody. Any takers?
Pastor Jeff: Okay. Let's go have a talk with your mom.
Sheldon: The only sin in Mathology is being stupid.

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Evan: It's your call. Particle accelerator, or no particle accelerator?
Sheldon: Let me fetch my money sock.
Evan: You keep your money in a sock?
Sheldon: My meemaw keeps her money in her bra.

Mary: Well, we disagree. Reverend Travis says that the Lord wants me to be prosperous and I believe him.
Pastor Jeff: This is nothing but a coincidence. You overpaid your taxes, you got a refund, Jesus has nothing to do with it.
Mary: You sound like Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: I believe I know my way out. [Mary points to the door]

Georgie: I'll tell you what I can do. I got something for a party that's better than beer.
Missy: What?
Georgie: Bottle rockets, Roman candles, M80s, the works.
Missy: Oh, sure. Thanks.
Georgie: You're not excited now, but trust me, you blow up one mailbox, and you got yourself a party.