Mary: Kathryn Dempsey?! You watched me make cupcakes for her daughter's birthday, and you never told me you were in love with her?!
George Sr.: I was 15 years old, and she didn't love me back.
Mary: If she did, would you have married her instead of me?
George Sr.: But she didn't!
Mary: Okay! Now I have my answer. Kathryn Dempsey?!
George Sr.: I was 15!

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I believe I have answers to all your questions.
Meemaw: Lay it on me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Time: the event begins at 6:00 p.m. The dress code is: business attire. Dinner will be served, but it's been suggested that we eat first, because the food is dreadful.
Meemaw: Good to know.
Dr. John Sturgis: And last but not least, a camelid is any member of the camelidae family, such as llamas, alpacas or vicuñas. You didn't ask that one, but, uh, it seemed like something you should know.

Sheldon: Why are you eating cereal for dinner?
Billy Sparks: I was hungry, and my parents are in their bedroom kissing.

George Sr.: Do you have any idea what our electric bill is?
Sheldon: Yes. I do our taxes. And it's higher than it should be.
George Sr.: And why do you think that is?
Sheldon: Well, I don't want to point any fingers, but Missy sleeps with a night-light.