Missy: Let's see what we got. Band-Aids, cotton balls. What's "gowz"?
Sheldon: It's gauze, and the fact that you don't know that is not filling me with hope.

Sheldon: [WHISPERING] Let's make this quick.
Missy: Why are you whispering?
Sheldon: That's how people speak when they're being naughty.
Missy: I wouldn't know. I'm naughty all the time.

Sheldon: Hello. Cooper residence. Sheldon speaking.
Mary: Hey, Shelly.
Sheldon: Oh, hello, Mom. How's your day going? [silence] Shelly? Shelly? You there?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm here. [to Missy] She wants to know how my day's going.
Missy: Say it's going good.
Sheldon: I can't say that.
Missy: Why not?
Sheldon: It's bad grammar.
Missy: How are you supposed to say it?
Sheldon: "It's going well."
Mary: Oh, that's nice. I've got to get back to work, but I love you and miss you very much.
Sheldon: Okay. [hangs up] I handled that really well.

Adult Sheldon: In 1989, the Milton Bradley Company had dozens of board games on the market, but only one where you were the doctor. Operation came complete with a red light-up nose, 13 plastic body parts for players to remove and, most importantly, one pair of genuine tweezers. My sister performed a medical procedure using a children's board game, while I bravely sat very still. I guess you could say there were two heroes that day.

Mary: So, kids, we have a little family business to discuss.
Missy: You're pregnant?
Mary: No.
Missy: We're getting a puppy?
George: No.
Missy: I'm not sure I care.

Pastor Jeff: This morning, while Selena was in the shower, I went through her purse and I took the credit card.
Mary: Oh, my.
Pastor Jeff: Now, do you think that's stealing, or is it doing the right thing? You know, saving us from bankruptcy and whatnot?
Mary: Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated. Um going through her purse is probably wrong, but on the other hand ... well, there is no other hand.

Meemaw: Why don't you just get a babysitter?
Mary: Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah, right. All right, let's think about it. Georgie.
Mary: Football practice. And I don't trust him when I'm home.

Meemaw: I think they'll be fine home alone all by themselves for a couple hours after school.
Mary: You think?
Meemaw: I do. As a matter of fact, I actually think it'll be great for them. These kids today are so coddled, I honestly think y'all are raising a whole generation of sissies.
Mary: Is that the way you speak about your grandchildren?
Meemaw: Yes.

Mary: Okay, let's go over it one more time. House key's under the plastic owl by the front door. There's after-school snacks in the fridge. One for each of you. Emergency numbers are right there by the phone. First aid kit is in the hall closet. And you won't be needing it, but under the kitchen sink is a fire extinguisher.
Missy: Ooh, that looks fun.
Mary: For fires only, and don't be starting one just to use it.
Missy: It's like she can read my mind.

Missy: Found 'em.
Sheldon: The tweezers?
Missy: Mom's needles and her magnifying glass.
Sheldon: Absolutely not.
Missy: Let me at least try.
Sheldon: No.
Missy: You're being a baby.
Sheldon: Nothing you can say will change my mind.
Missy: What if it gets infected and turns green and they have to cut it off?

Missy: We'll be okay on our own.
Sheldon: Yeah, we need to prove we can do this.
Meemaw: All right. I respect that. And I'm happy to keep this little incident a secret.
Missy: Really? I'm telling everyone. It was hilarious.

Missy: Wait, she has tweezers in her makeup bag. She plucks her eyebrows with them. And sometimes her mustache.

Mary: It's not just bookkeeping. I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues you know, plumbing, electric, what have you. And I'd also head the planning committee for all the social events, which, of course, includes the big three: baptisms, weddings, funerals. And here is the cherry on top. The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings-
George: "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"?
Mary: Exactly. Guess whose job it would be to write those.
George: Yours.
Mary: Already working on a couple. Listen to this. "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."
George: What?
Mary: You know, be one. Like be a Christian. And also B1 the vitamin.
George: Well, now that you explained it, it's funny.
Mary: Yeah. Might be a thinker. But there's a lot more where that came from.

Meemaw: Okay, now, what are we talking about here? Sheldon is intelligent and responsible, and Missy is ... his sister.

George: How about this? Go ahead and take the job. Yeah, if it turns out Sheldon and Missy can't look out for themselves for a couple hours after school, then well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Mary: Are you sure about this?
George: Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em. Teach 'em a little responsibility.
Mary: That's exactly what my mom said.
George: Really? Well, I still like the idea.