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506 - Money Laundering and a Cascade of Hormones

Aired Thursday, November 11, 2021
Money Laundering and a Cascade of Hormones

Pastor Rob considers giving a "birds and the bees" talk after Missy asks questions about relationships during Sunday school. Meanwhile, Georgie helps Meemaw open her secret casino at the laundromat.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "Money Laundering" refers to Georgie's comment to Meemaw, and "a Cascade of Hormones" refers to Sheldon's comments about adolescence.
  • Opening Credits Sequence: Sheldon is dressed in his normal clothes as a black cow with horns approaches the family.
  • Sheldon making hot beverages for people in need was well established on The Big Bang Theory [Sheldon's Beverage Protocols].
  • Sheldon's use of the term "coitus" for sexual intercourse was well established on The Big Bang Theory.


Sheldon: [knocks on door] Missy, I know you're upset. Would you like a hot beverage?
Missy: [o.s.] Go away.
Adult Sheldon: Every culture has their taboos. In the Ukraine, it's rude to whistle indoors, and they're correct. Not a fan. In our society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting, it causes nothing but chaos. Lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. I thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then I found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it.
Sheldon: "Coitus." That'll work.

Sheldon: And then Missy said it was embarrassing to talk to our mother about reproduction.
Dr. John Sturgis: Interesting, yet the two of you are living proof she has at least a working knowledge of the subject.
Sheldon: That's what I said, then Missy said something's wrong with me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I think you're as normal as I am.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Although, I have been called an odd duck and, one time, a quirky turkey.
Sheldon: Those people were probably jealous.

Missy: I don't have any questions. I'm good. Can we be done now?
Mary: So, you'll ask Pastor Rob, but you won't ask me?
Missy: I didn't ask you 'cause I know what you'll say.
Mary: You don't know what I'm gonna say.
Missy: "It's a sin." "You're too young." "Wait till marriage."
Mary: Well, it is, you are, and you should.

Meemaw: I'll tell you what, we're in the gambling business, why don't we gamble for it?
George Jr.: Okay.
Meemaw: Great. The number I'm thinking of in my head... is it odd or even?
George Jr.: How dumb do you think I am?
Meemaw: In my defense, you used to be dumber.

Adult Sheldon: When children reach adolescence, a cascade of hormones are released... causing mood swings, impulsive behavior and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling.
George Sr.: [cheers] I knew it. [Missy rolls her eyes]
Adult Sheldon: During this time of change, members of the opposite sex who caught my sister's fancy included: New Kids on the Block, Rufio from the movie Hook, and, oddly enough, our new Sunday school teacher, Pastor Rob.
Missy: Was Mary Magdalene Jesus's girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No, just one of his followers. Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.
Missy: Do you have a girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No. No, I don't.
Billy Sparks: I don't have a girlfriend either.
Pastor Rob: All right. You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors.

View more quotes from this episode

Featured Music

  • I Wanna Sex You Up
    Color Me Badd

    I Wanna Sex You Up Mentioned by Pastor Jeff and then played over Mary's dream about Pastor Rob.

Episode Trivia

  • Which movie did Georgie mention watching ten times?
    • Scarface
    • The Godfather
    • Goodfellas
    • The Untouchables
  • Which theme park was mentioned in Missy's dream about marrying Pastor Rob?
    • Disneyland
    • Hersheypark
    • Six Flags
    • SeaWorld

Episode Recap

Adult Sheldon talks about the cascade of hormones as children reach adolescence, which cause mood swings, impulsive behavior and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling. Missy rolls her eyes as George cheers at the TV. Adult Sheldon mentions that members of the opposite sex who caught his sister’s eye at this time were New Kids on the Block, Rufio from the movie Hook, and their new Sunday school teacher, Pastor Rob.

In Sunday school, Missy raises her hand to ask Pastor Rob if Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ girlfriend. No, just one of his followers. Jesus didn’t have a girlfriend. Missy asks Pastor Rob if he has a girlfriend. He does not. After Missy raises her hand again to ask if Pastor Rob is allowed to have a girlfriend, Sheldon jumps in to explain that in the Baptist church he is. When Missy asks if boyfriends and girlfriends are okay, Pastor Rob says the way he sees it, God is love so if you love someone else in a committed relationship, you’re experiencing God. Missy asks if hand holding is okay. Sure. What about kissing? Maybe at some point, when she’s older. Missy raises her hand again to ask what third base is.

Later, Pastor Rob goes to see Pastor Jeff to say he thinks it would be a good idea to give the kids a lesson about “the facts of life”. After Pastor Jeff asks if he means S-E-X, Peg wonders who he’s spelling out for. G-O-D, Pastor Jeff says. Mary wonders if Pastor Rob really thinks it’s an appropriate topic for children their age. Rob points out they seem to have a lot of questions about… S-E-X. After Mary says she thinks that’s a subject best left up to the parents, Pastor Rob is glad she feels that way as it was her daughter who had the most questions.

Back in Pastor Jeff’s office, Mary says even if Missy had one or two questions… Rob jumps in to say it was a lot of questions. Mary says they can answer them at home. Pastor Rob doesn’t doubt that, but thinks this is their chance to give good information before the kids learn about it on TV. Pastor Jeff mentions a song, “I Wanna Sex You Up”, he saw on MTV as he flicked through channels. After Pastor Rob says he thinks the kids deserve honest information, Mary claims he seems to know a lot about children for someone who doesn’t have any himself. Peg responds to Mary’s comment by imitating a cat growling.

In the secret room at the laundromat, Georgie wants to know what his title is around there. Manager? Supervisor? Meemaw says his title is “grandson who can go home now”. After Georgie says they’re in this together, Meemaw wonders if he bought these slot machines. Georgie points out it was his idea on how to get them up and running again. Meemaw thanks him and tells him to go home before she tells his mother he wants to work in a secret casino. Georgie counters by suggesting he might tell his mother that Meemaw owns a secret casino.

At home, Mary tells George that Missy was asking Pastor Rob questions about sex. George is stunned, and wonders if Missy is… Mary says no but she clearly has an interest in the topic now. George jokes that she’s grounded until she’s 21, before saying maybe it’s a good thing that Pastor Rob wants to talk about this as he sure doesn’t. George says it was a disaster when he gave the talk to Georgie. Mary claims this is his chance to do it right, but George has two words for her: not it.

Back at the laundromat, Meemaw agrees to make Georgie her assistant manager. After he asks what the pay check’s like, Meemaw wonders if she mentioned the job comes with a spiffy nametag. Georgie is more interested in the spiffy paycheck and mentions that Dale paid him minimum wage and a 5% commission. After Meemaw tries to give him half of minimum wage, Georgie proposes no wage and a cut of the takings. After Georgie and Meemaw haggle over the take rate, Meemaw proposes gambling for it. She’s thinking of a number, is it odd or even? Georgie asks her how dumb she thinks he is. Meemaw says in her defense he used to be dumber.

After Mary asks Sheldon and Missy to take a seat in the living room, she says the two of them are growing up and it might be time to have a talk about… that and some of the things that go along with... that. When Missy asks Sheldon what’s happening, he says they’re about to get the reproductive talk. After Missy says “Oh, God.”, Mary says that speaking of God, He is very clear about the do’s and don’ts of this… especially the don’ts. Missy doesn’t want to talk about this with her mother, insisting she doesn’t have any questions. After Mary wonders why she’ll talk to Pastor Rob but not her, Missy says it’s ‘cause she knows what her mother’s going to say. "It's a sin." "You're too young." "Wait till marriage." Mary responds, “Well, it is, you are, and you should.” Missy insists she didn’t do anything wrong, just asked questions. Mary wants her to know she can ask her anything, but Missy says she’s not asking her anything, ever, and storms out.

As Missy sits on her bed, writing in her diary and listening to music, she is startled as she looks up and sees Sheldon standing outside her bedroom window. After Missy asks what he’s doing, Sheldon explains he’s making sure she doesn’t run away like she did last time. Missy insists she’s not running away and tells him to get out of here. After Sheldon wonders why Missy got so mad at their mom, Missy explains she doesn’t want to talk about that stuff with her mom as it’s embarrassing. After Sheldon wonders why, Missy tells him if he has to ask, there’s something wrong with him. Sheldon points out the topic was procreation and clearly their mother has procreated. “Ew,” says Missy.

When Pastor Rob goes to see Mary in her office at the church, he apologizes for yesterday, saying Mary is right, he doesn’t have any kids of his own and he overstepped his bounds. After Mary thanks him for saying that, she goes on to make an apology of her own, saying she overstepped yesterday. She realizes there might be some value in the kids hearing some of these things from people other than their parents. Pastor Rob wonders if it’s something they could do together, since she has more experience than he does. With kids, he means. And it would be great to have a woman’s perspective. It’s either Mary or Peg, so… Mary, wanting to scare the kids but not that much, reluctantly agrees.

In the back room of the laundromat, Meemaw and Georgie are struggling to explain the system to one of their clients. After Meemaw and Georgie try to walk Wade through each step from ticket to stuffed animal to cash, Georgie insists he’ll get it. To speed things up, Georgie takes the ticket from a confused Wade, hands him a teddy bear, says he’d like to buy the teddy bear back, and then hands Wade cash in return. As Wade walks away, Meemaw thinks he still didn’t get it.

At the grocery store, Sheldon tells Dr. Sturgis how Missy was embarrassed about talking about procreation with their mother. John finds that odd as Sheldon and Missy are proof that Mary has at least some experience with the subject. John says there’s some science to indicate adolescents process embarrassment in a different part of their brains to adults. To test the theory, he asks his younger co-worker if he would be embarrassed talking about intercourse with his mother. Andy’s face turns red and he stammers, Sheldon notes, suggesting he is embarrassed. John thinks he might just be embarrassed by the subject in general, so he asks Andy how he would feel discussing it with a co-worker, say him. Later, John hands his apron in to the manager. Outside the store, John tells Sheldon he now knows that conversations like that can cost you your job. You learn something new every day, Sheldon says.

At the church, Mary tells Pastor Rob she thinks First Corinthians 7:2 is a good place to start. Rob’s not sure quoting scripture is the most exciting way to engage, but Mary says she was aiming more for guilt and fear. Pastor Rob says those are classics, but he thinks if they make the fruit too forbidden, someone might want to sneak a bite. Mary argues the kids look up to him so if Pastor Rob talks about abstinence, they’ll listen. Pastor Rob says abstinence is important but he also believes in honesty, and abstinence wasn’t his journey. An uncomfortable Mary insists that’s none of her business. Rob admits he’s not proud of everything he’s done, but it’s what led him to God. Rob says this is good, as Mary can tell the children about how she waited until marriage. As Mary nods along uneasily, Pastor Rob senses something isn’t right. Mary awkwardly admits she didn’t exactly wait all the way until marriage. Rob says it’s none of his business, but he appreciates her honesty. Realizing things have turned very uncomfortable, Rob excuses himself.

As Meemaw and Georgie take care of patrons over at the laundromat, after one patron wins, Meemaw jokingly tells him not to take all her money as she’s just a sweet Texas grandma trying to make people happy. Georgie gives a customer a teddy bear and offers to buy it back for $20. When Meemaw asks Georgie how they’re doing, he says there’s a problem with the cash box. It’s so full it won’t close. Meemaw says that’s her kind of problem.

When there’s a knock on the door, Mary is surprised to open it to Pastor Rob. After he asks if they can talk, Mary says no one’s home, it’s just the two of them. Rob says that’s what he was hoping for. Suddenly, he’s laying on Mary’s bed. After she asks what he’s doing in her bed, Mary is lying next to him. When Mary says this is wrong, Pastor Rob asks if it feels wrong. No. Pastor Rob tells her, “Mary Cooper, I want to sex you up.“, mentioning the name of the song Pastor Jeff heard on MTV. As Mary says she would like that very much, she bolts up awake in her bed. When George turns over and asks if everything’s okay, Mary says she had a bad dream. George says it must have been a doozy as she’s all sweaty.

That night, in the now empty backroom of the laundromat, Georgie goes to see his Meemaw. What a haul, she says, as she counts their takings. After Georgie asks what happens now, Meemaw says she goes home and rolls around in it. What about him? Meemaw says he just goes home. After Georgie reminds her they are partners, Meemaw says first of all, they’re not partners and… Actually, "not partners" covers it all pretty well. When Georgie wishes her luck laundering the money without him, Meemaw asks if he really knows how to do that. After Georgie says he’s watched Scarface like ten times, Meemaw says great, she’ll just watch Scarface. Dang it.

At the church, when Mary goes to Pastor Jeff’s office to see him, she’s surprised Pastor Rob is there. Rob jokes that they’ve both been called to the principal’s office, suggesting they’ve been naughty. Mary laughs a little too hard, prompting Jeff to ask if she’s okay. When Mary says she didn’t sleep too well, Pastor Jeff says he didn’t either as he received 14 angry phone messages from parents objecting to Mary and Pastor Rob’s talk. Pastor Rob knows the parents have strong feelings but thinks if the parents just heard them out, they’d see they’re not putting impure thoughts in anyone’s head. After Rob turns to her, an uncomfortable Mary struggles to answer coherently, before suggesting they should back off if they’re upsetting people. Pastor Jeff is relieved. Rob is sorry it didn’t work out, but Mary says it’s for the best. As Rob walks out, Mary tells herself not to look at his butt as he leaves.

As George watches TV and Sheldon reads a book, Missy returns home and slams the door. After George asks if everything’s okay, Missy says no. Everyone’s parents are upset about the talk Mary wants to give, and all her friends are blaming her. George and Sheldon point out that it's not Missy’s fault, but she says it didn’t stop someone taking her seat at lunch or her being uninvited from two parties. Missy says the situation is ruining her life, and vows she’s never talking about sex ever again. “Well, all right”, a relieved George says.

When Dale’s police officer friend wanders into Meemaw’s gaming room, Jake says he hears they’re back in business. Meemaw argues they’re not breaking the law as they’re just giving out prizes. Which they instantly buy back, Jake points out. Meemaw claims it’s a gray area. Jake mentions that cash businesses like this can benefit from strong relationships with law enforcement. Meemaw asks if he’s shaking her down? No. Is he hitting on her? No! Jake says he just knows some businesses like to “invest” in law enforcement. After Meemaw says he is shaking her down, Jake claims it’s a gray area. After Jake and Meemaw haggle over his cut, Meemaw decides to pay him out in quarters.

When Sheldon knocks on Missy’s bedroom door, he says he knows she’s upset and asks if she wants a hot beverage. After Missy tells him to go away, Sheldon returns to his own room. Adult Sheldon explains that every culture has their taboos. In Ukraine, it’s whistling indoors. In his society, any discussion of human reproduction seems to be so upsetting. It causes lost jobs. Lost friends. Sleepless nights. Even the word "sex" provokes an uncomfortable reaction. Sheldon thought "fornicate" might work, but that seemed too judgy. Then he found the perfect word, a word so bland and clinical that it would be impossible to take offense to it. As Sheldon pages through a dictionary, he lands on “coitus”.

When Mary checks in on Missy and finds her sleeping in bed, she calls Missy her little angel. Meanwhile, Missy is dreaming about marrying Pastor Rob.

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