Pastor Rob: So, you'll do it?
Mary: Okay.
Pastor Rob: I'll tell Pastor Jeff. I like watching his face get all red when I mention S-E-X. [Mary chuckles] Hey, yours does, too. [Mary chuckles]

Meemaw: So, you're gonna give us your ticket, and we're gonna give you the teddy bear.
Wade: Why would I want a teddy bear?
Georgie: 'Cause then we're gonna buy the teddy bear back.
Wade: But I said I don't want a teddy bear. I want cash.
Meemaw: You're gonna get the cash.
Wade: Then why do you keep talking about a teddy bear?
Georgie: 'Cause this way it ain't gambling.
Wade: But I want to gamble.
Georgie: Well, gambling's illegal. This is a gray area.
Meemaw: Just give him the cash.
Georgie: No, he's gonna get this.
Meemaw: I don't think he is.
Wade: Listen to your Meemaw. I don't get it.
Georgie: Just give me your ticket. [takes ticket from Wade and gives him a teddy bear] Wow. That is a nice teddy bear. I'd like to buy that from you. [takes teddy bear and gives Wade cash] [Wade walks away]
Meemaw: I don't think he got it.

Mary: I think First Corinthians 7:2 is actually a pretty good place to start. "Each man should have relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband."
Pastor Rob: Yeah, I'm just not sure quoting scripture is the most exciting way to engage.
Mary: I was going more for guilt and fear.
Pastor Rob: Well, those are classics for a reason. I just think that if we make the fruit too forbidden, someone might want to sneak a bite.
Mary: They look up to you. If you say that abstinence is the way to go, they'll listen.
Pastor Rob: Well, abstinence is important. But I also believe in honesty, and abstinence wasn't my journey.
Mary: Oh. Well, that's none of my business.
Pastor Rob: That's okay. I'm not saying I'm proud of everything I've done, but, you know, I was young, the mustache was just coming in...
Mary: You could stop right there.
Pastor Rob: Look, all I'm saying is, I was a little wild, but it's all part of what led me to the Lord.
Mary: That is good to hear.

Georgie: Here you go. Ooh, sweet bear. I'll give you 20 bucks for it.

[dream sequence:]
Mary: Why are you in my bed?
Pastor Rob: Why are you?
Mary: This is wrong.
Pastor Rob: Does it feel wrong?
Mary: No.
Pastor Rob: Mary Cooper, I want to sex you up.
Mary: I would like that very much.
[Mary gasps as she wakes up]
George: Everything okay?
Mary: Yeah, I just, um... I had a weird dream.
George: Must've been a doozy. You're all sweaty.

George: Everything okay?
Missy: No.
George: What's wrong?
Missy: Everyone's parents are upset about the sex talk Mom wants to give, and all my friends are all blaming me.
George: What? This wasn't your fault.
Missy: That didn't stop Marjorie Jones from taking my seat at the lunch table, and I also got uninvited from two birthday parties.
Sheldon: That's silly. All you did was ask questions.
Missy: And it's ruining my life. I'm never talking about sex ever again.
George: Well, all right.

Jake: Hey, there, Connie.
Meemaw: What do you want?
Jake: Is that any way to greet an officer of the law?
Meemaw: Sorry. What do you want?
Jake: I hear you're back in business.
Meemaw: We're not breaking any laws. [chuckles] People are just winning these prizes.
Jake: That you buy back for cash.
Meemaw: It's a gray area.

Jake: I've heard that in cash businesses such as this, that some owners can benefit by having a strong relationship with their local police department.
Meemaw: What are you getting at?
Jake: I'm just wondering if there's something you can do to incur good will.
Meemaw: Are you shaking me down?
Jake: No.
Meemaw: Are you hitting on me?
Jake: No! Uh... I'm just saying I've heard some business owners like to invest in local law enforcement.
Meemaw: You are shaking me down.
Jake: It's a gray area.

Mary: My little angel.
[dream sequence:]
Pastor Jeff: Do you, Pastor Rob, take Melissa Cooper to be your wife?
Pastor Rob: Heck yeah.
Pastor Jeff: And do you, Melissa Cooper, take Pastor Rob to be your husband?
Missy: I totally do.
Pastor Rob: I hereby pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob. You may now take the bride to Six Flags.
Missy and Rob: Yay!