Mary: Honey, your meemaw lost her house.
Sheldon: I'm sure she has insurance.
Mary: That is not the point.
Sheldon: Well, what is the point? What would we do once we get there?
Mary: I don't know. Uh... be there, provide solace, lend a hand.
Sheldon: Me? Lend a hand? You're funny.

Dale: You know something? I think that tornado had a silver lining.
Meemaw: Oh, and what would that be?
Dale: It just blew you right in to where you're supposed to be.
Meemaw: [chuckles] You mean it destroyed my house so you could have sex in the middle of the day?
Dale: No. Well, yeah. Making love and living together.
Meemaw: Well, I don't want to live together. This is temporary.
Dale: Pretty tough talk for a woman who didn't have tornado insurance. [Meemaw lets go of Dale's hand and sits up] Oh, no, come on! I was joking.
Meemaw: Do you think I'm stupid just because I didn't have tornado insurance?
Dale: We are in Texas.

Missy: All right, Georgie and Mandy are in Sheldon's room. I'm in my room. Meemaw, you'll be in Mom and Dad's. Dad, you get the garage.
George: Why do I get the garage?
Missy: Would you rather put the baby or the old lady out there?
Meemaw: Hey.
Missy: I'm helping you.

George: What's wrong with the couch?
Meemaw: Like you'd fit on the couch.
George: Hey.

Mandy: We'll be fine in Sheldon's room.
George: Okay, I'll take the garage.
Georgie: Hey, you get to sleep on the mattress CeeCee was conceived on.
Mandy: [whispers] Shut up.

Mary: [on the phone] I need to change our return flights. As soon as possible.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: Uh... Tonight would be great. How much? [Sheldon hangs up the phone] Sheldon Lee Cooper!
Sheldon: I told you I'm not going home.
Mary: I am your mother. What I say goes. [Sheldon lays down on the couch] What are you doing?
Sheldon: Passive resistance. Good luck lifting my limp body.

Dale: How'd your meemaw seem this morning?
Missy: Cranky.
Dale: Well, she's always cranky. Can you be more specific?
Missy: You may need more flowers.

Georgie: Oh, hey, your mom stopped by the video store earlier.
Mandy: What'd she want?
Georgie: She was just being nice.
Mandy: Oh, Georgie, grow up.
Georgie: No, I'm serious. She heard about Meemaw's house and offered us a place to live.
Mandy: There it is.
Georgie: The- The niceness?
Mandy: She's plotting and scheming to control my life.

Georgie: All I heard is they got two bathrooms.
Mandy: Doesn't matter, I am never living under their roof.
Georgie: You realize even if business stays like this, we're at least two years away from getting our own place.
Mandy: Georgie, I am not living with my parents.
Georgie: Okay, what if...
Mandy: No.
Georgie: You don't even know what I was going to say.
Mandy: You wanted to live there by yourself.
Georgie: How do you do that?

George: Ooh, what do you got there? New TV?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George: Ooh. Trinitron. That's pricey.
Pastor Jeff: There was a sale.
George: Where?
Pastor Jeff: I don't know, my wife bought it. Probably with coupons.
George: You lucky duck.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah. [George chuckles] He doth provide.
George: I guess so. How big is it?
Pastor Jeff: I don't really know.
George: Well... it says 27 inches on the box.
Pastor Jeff: [forced laughter] 27.

Georgie: 27 inches. We're living in the future.
Dale: Boy, that color's amazing.
Meemaw: Those Japanese fellas know what they're doing.
Mandy: Why'd Pastor Jeff give this to you?
George: I have no idea.
Dale: You didn't ask him?
George: Didn't care.

Mary: [retching]
Sheldon: You know, sympathetic vomiting has an evolutionary basis. In the Paleolithic era, when one member of a tribe would start vomiting, it was a signal to the rest that they'd eaten something poisonous and... Oh, scooch. [retches] Like that. [retches] Another fun fact...

Dale: Well, it's been pretty traumatic around here. [Missy sputters as she drinks her coffee] Try some cream and sugar in there.
Missy: Nah. [drinks again] Black's good. [coughs] So, what'd you do that pissed her off?
Dale: Well, I'm not gonna talk to you about none of this.
Missy: 'Kay.
Dale: What makes you think it was my fault?
Missy: The flowers, your hang-dog face...
Dale: This is my regular face.
Missy: 'Kay.
Dale: What goes on between me and your grandma is none of your business.
Missy: 'Kay.
Dale: She totally overreacted.
Missy: Mm-hmm. [drinks coffee; coughs] Maybe a little. [Missy puts a massive heaped spoonful of sugar in her coffee; sighs] There we go.

Missy: Who's hungry for spaghetti? Oh. Didn't realize your boyfriend was staying for dinner.
Meemaw: Is that a problem?
Missy: No, just... would've been nice if someone told me.
Dale: I'm sorry.
Missy: All right, grace.
George: We're still doing that?
Missy: We survived a tornado. Thank you, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it, which are mine.
Dale: I got it.
Missy: Amen.
All: Amen.

Mary: [sings] ♪ Danke schoen ♪ ♪ Darling, danke schoen ♪ ♪ Thank you for all the joy and pain ♪ ♪ Picture show, second balcony ♪ ♪ Was the place we'd meet ♪ [talks] Hey, honey.
Sheldon: Mother.
Mary: Oh, I love this country. Mwah! ♪ Second seat, go Dutch treat ♪ ♪ You were sweet ♪ Sing it with me. ♪ Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen ♪
Adult Sheldon: I don't know what could have gotten into her. Probably jet lag.