George Sr.: And we could put the money aside for their college education.
Mary: That's a good point.
George Sr.: It's a great point. I don't have to tell you, times are changing. Kids are pitching in. Like that Webster kid on TV. He's making buckets of money for his parents.

Mary: Well I suppose we could give it a try.
George Sr.: There you go. I'll call Sturgis, tell him we're in. [QUIETLY] Baby, I'm getting a fishing boat.

George Sr.: Listen, why don't we just go there this Saturday and give it a try?
Mary: And if you don't like it, we don't have to do it again.
George Sr.: Or they'll love it, and they'll do it till they're 18, 19 years old.
Sheldon: I already love it.
George Sr.: My man. Missy? I believe there might be a Dairy Queen on the way there.
Missy: Can I get an Oreo Blizzard?
George Sr.: You know what I think? I think you're smarter than him.

George Sr.: Take your time, baby. The meter's running.

Mary: I do not like what this study is doing to Sheldon.
George Sr.: What're you talking about? He had a great time.
Mary: All the way home all he could talk about is how that doctor thought he was so smart.
It's not healthy.
George Sr.: Would it make you feel any better if I told you how much money we made today?
Mary: No, it would not.
George Sr.: $300.
Mary: Really?
George Sr.: Cash.
Mary: Okay, well, still, I I'm not interested in profiting off my children.
George Sr.: You see, honey, that's where you and I are very different.

George Sr.: Well, Missy won that round.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's actually not a contest, George.
George Sr.: This is Texas. Everything's a contest.

Mary: What do you think, baby?
Missy: I pick Red Lobster.
Mary: You got it.
George Sr.: Damn. There goes our per diem.

George Sr.: Why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: All right, sure, we could do that. You could rat me out to Mary and I could tell her what you did at the church picnic.
George Sr.: Come on. Now you're just playing dirty.
Meemaw: We sink or swim together, George. We sink or swim together.
George Sr.: Grandmas are supposed to be nice. What went wrong with you?

George Sr.: Okay, I know you're having a tough time with this, but you're doing great. You spend some time at Tam's house, you know, clear your head, and come back home refreshed.
Sheldon: And then I can tell Mom?
George Sr.: Oh, no, you can never tell Mom.

Trang Nguyen: Hello.
George Sr.: Hi. You must be Mrs ... Tam's mom. I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper.
Trang Nguyen: Nice to meet you.
George Sr.: Thanks for letting him spend the night. It's his first sleepover. He's excited.
Sheldon: Actually, I'm quite apprehens-
George Sr.: He's really looking forward to it.

George Sr.: Okay, Connie, why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: No.
George Sr.: You heard her. Now she's blaming herself. And Sheldon's so upset he's, he's acting like a regular kid.

George Sr.: It's all your mother's fault. She is a bad person. I've been telling you for years.

Sheldon: And then I said octopus aliens didn't need to become Christian because they're not affected by original sin.
Missy: You should've been there; Pastor Jeff almost started crying.
George Sr.: Oh, now I'm sorry I missed it.
Mary: That's your fault for having a hangover.
George Sr.: Or it's God's fault for putting Sunday morning after Saturday night.

Meemaw: Why don't you ask your father to take you?
Sheldon: Dad?
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: Can you please take me to Radio Shack?
George Sr.: I'm busy. Ask your meemaw.
Sheldon: I did. She said to ask you.
George Sr.: Well, ask her again.
Sheldon: Seems counterintuitive, but all right.

Mary: Hold on, hold on. Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
Missy: We're doing this at breakfast now?
Mary: Yes, I think it's a nice idea.
George Sr.: She's eating Count Chocula. Doesn't he play for the other side?
Mary: I'm so glad God blessed you with a sense of humor, George.

George Sr.: Well, I think it sounds nice.
Mary: Thank you. I'm gonna need your truck to get all the dirt and flowers and tools that I need.
George Sr.: Sure.
Mary: Oh, oh, almost forgot. Can you keep an eye out for a rock big enough to paint a Psalm on?
George Sr.: I can do that.

George Jr.: So when you gonna take me to get my learner's permit?
George Sr.: Georgie, you've heard us talking to Sheldon about asking questions at inappropriate times, right?
George Jr.: Yeah, so?
George Sr.: So, given what's happened this week, do you think it's an appropriate time to be talking about driving?
George Jr.: Why? 'Cause that girl died?
George Sr.: Yes, that.
George Jr.: For your information, I'd be an excellent driver.
George Sr.: I wouldn't trust you to push a shopping cart.

Missy: Why are you putting us to bed?
George Sr.: 'Cause your mother's out.
Sheldon: Where is she?
George Sr.: She's with your grandmother.
Missy: Where'd they go?
George Sr.: I don't know.
Sheldon: Why don't you know?
George Sr.: Because I'm here with you!

George Jr.: Where were you last night?
Mary: Out with your grandmother.
George Jr.: But where'd you go?
George Sr.: Enough questions.
George Jr.: Y'all ask me questions when I come home late.
George Sr.: Oh, I can explain that. You're an idiot and we don't trust you.

Mary: This is so exciting. Don't you understand what this means?
George Sr.: Rather than me feel dumb, how about you just tell me?
Mary: These are parents we can actually relate to.
George Sr.: Yeah, sure.
Mary: All the times we wonder if we're doing right by Sheldon or how to handle him, we finally have someone to compare notes with.
George Sr.: There's notes? [CHUCKLES] I just been winging it.