George Sr.: Be cool.
George Jr.: I'm cool. You be cool.
[George Sr. fidgeting in his leather chair, making a lot of noise, accidentally knocks something over.]
George Jr.: Real cool.

George Jr.: Did you know she puts vanilla extract in her whipped cream?
George Sr.: I did not.
George Jr.: Quarter teaspoon.
George Sr.: Georgie?
George Jr.: Yeah?
George Sr.: We're looking for brisket!
George Jr.: Cranky.

Meemaw: Mean that much to you?
George Sr.: Mary and I were dating about a month when she brought me home for dinner. I took one bite of this brisket, and I knew I loved your daughter.
Mary: Gee, thanks.
George Jr.: Kind of like Sleeping Beauty, except Dad kissed meat.

George Jr.: Ooh.
George Sr.: Found it?
George Jr.: No, this is her French toast.
George Sr.: You're not looking for French toast.
George Jr.: She does make it good, though.

Mary: Wait, Georgie. Where's your bag?
George Jr.: Don't need one. Got my toothbrush right here.
Mary: What about clothes? A change of underwear?
George Jr.: Got it.
Mary: Georgie, you're gonna be gone for two days.
George Jr.: I'll turn them inside out.

Mary: Oh, come on, sit up front with your daddy. He doesn't get to spend enough time with you.
George Jr.: I called shotgun.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: We'll flip a coin. All right? Georgie, call it.
George Jr.: Heads.
George Sr.: Tails.
George Jr.: Dang it.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you won. You get to ride up front.
Sheldon: Can't we do two out of three?
George Sr.: You won. Get in the car.
George Jr.: What's the point in calling shotgun?

George Jr.: You might want to open a window.
George Sr.: Oh, boy.

George Jr.: Dead armadillo. That's three for me.

Sheldon: Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment. A cat in a box is exposed to poison, and is both alive and dead until it is observed.
George Jr.: So the cat's name is Schrodinger?
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Well, what's its name?
Sheldon: Its name doesn't matter.
George Jr.: It does if the cat was dead. Otherwise, what are you gonna put on his tombstone?
George Sr.: Not likely the cat's getting a tombstone.
George Jr.: It would in a pet cemetery.

George Jr.: Oh, dead crow. There ain't no doubt about that one.

Sheldon: What do you see?
George Jr.: Darkness.
Sheldon: Try harder.
George Jr.: Wait. I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini. Ooh, it just fell off.

George Jr.: Okay, when you're telling a lie, it's important to throw in some details. Like, when I was wanted to spend the night at Ricky's house, and Mom asked me if his mom and dad were gonna be home, I said, not only are they be gonna be home, his dad was gonna teach us how to cook turkey legs in the smoker.
Sheldon: I like turkey legs. Were they good?
George Jr.: There weren't any turkey legs, you dope. His parents were in Branson.
Sheldon: That's incredible. I totally believed you.
George Jr.: Details. Now get out of here, I got to finish reading this.
Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie, that was very helpful.

George Jr.: What do you want?
Sheldon: It occurs to me you have something in common with Captain Kirk.
George Jr.: We both have cool hair?
Sheldon: In order to succeed, you both play fast and loose with the rules.
George Jr.: Yeah, I suppose we do.

George Jr.: Oh, relax. By passing that test, I get to play football, and you get to go to the train store. Everybody wins.
Sheldon: But what about the truth?
George Jr.: What about it?
Sheldon: It's supposed to set us free.
George Jr.: Who told you that?
Sheldon: The Bible.
George Jr.: Since when do you care about what's in the Bible?
Sheldon: When it helps me win an argument.
George Jr.: The Bible also says honor thy father and thy mother. And if you open your mouth, you're gonna make them sad.

Sheldon: Before we start, I'd like to get a sense - of how much algebra you know.
George Jr.: 'Kay.
Sheldon: Do you understand solving and graphing - linear inequalities?
George Jr.: Sure.
Sheldon: Great. Explain it to me.
George Jr.: Uh, first you solve 'em and then you graph 'em.
Sheldon: And how do you do that?
George Jr.: Uh, you know, carefully.

Missy: It's gonna be weird around here without Sheldon.
George Jr.: Don't you mean less weird?
Meemaw: That's not nice.
George Jr.: I wasn't trying for nice.

Meemaw: You sure you're not jealous 'cause your little brother's moving up in the world?
George Jr.: Hey, I got plans of my own.
Meemaw: Do tell.
George Jr.: Soon as I graduate high school, I'm gonna be a professional male model.
Meemaw: That is hilarious.
George Jr.: What? I'm good-lookin'.
Meemaw: No, that you think you'll graduate high school.
Missy: The model thing was funny, too.

Meemaw: Me and the kids had a nice day. Watched a lot of football.
George Jr.: You know, the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it. And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet. But his helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it, it has the letter "M."
Meemaw: We talked about that for an hour.

George Jr.: Where you going?
George Sr.: To get Sheldon.
George Jr.: Do I get a vote in this?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: Dang.

George Jr.: You know that movie E.T.? The kid who finds him, his name is Elliott, which starts with an "E" and ends with a "T". Coincidence? I don't think so.
George Sr.: You're gonna live with us forever, aren't you?