Pastor Jeff: Yes, Billy?
Billy Sparks: They live on my block.
Pastor Jeff: Terrific.

Tam: You walk down a hallway and come to a wooden chest. Lord Gray Matter, what do you do?
Sheldon: I poke it with my dagger to see if there are any traps.
Tam: There are no traps. Fire Beak, what do you do? Billy?
Billy Sparks: What?
Tam: You are Fire Beak.
Billy Sparks: Okay.
Tam: So what do you do?
Billy Sparks: I'm Fire Beak.

Mary: So nice of you to come over, Pastor Jeff.
George: He prefers Jeff.
Meemaw: I'm sticking with Pastor. Wait, I changed my mind. I'm going with PJ.
Pastor Jeff: Brings to mind pajamas, but that's fine, too.

Sheldon: Welcome to the Church of Mathology. Today, I'd like to talk about prime numbers, and why they bring us joy.
Billy Sparks: Hallelujah!

Le Nguyen: So what is the problem with this game?
Mary: The problem is, it goes against the teachings of the church.
Le Nguyen: All right. Listen to me. A problem is starving to death in a Communist reeducation camp. A problem is not seeing your family for many years while you remove land mines from the Ho Chi Minh trail. A game boys play with make-believe demons, not a problem.

Sheldon: Did you know when the Bible says "the Word", they're translating the Greek expression "logos", and logos means knowledge.
Pastor Jeff: Sounds like someone has a noggin full of "logos".

George: What other religions you considering?
Sheldon: Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
Mary: Nope. Nope. That's not happening.
Sheldon: Well, why? As an American, don't I have freedom of religion?
Mary: Um-
Meemaw: Those dungeons and dragons are looking pretty good right now, aren't they?

Zero: Shall we give him the final piece of information that unlocks the secret of the universe?
One: Why not? At least one human being should know the reason for everything.
Zero: Sheldon, before the universe began-
Georgie: Hey, dummy. You're drooling all over your books.
Sheldon: Huh? No. Zero was about to tell me the secret and you ruined it.

Pastor Jeff: Who's feeling brave? Missy.
Missy: I'll go second.
Pastor Jeff: Great. Does anybody want to go first?

Mary: Um, I was just concerned about a game that the boys were playing and was wondering if you and your wife knew about it.
Herschel Sparks: A game?
Mary: Yes, a very disturbing one.
Herschel Sparks: Well, what're we talking about? Did you catch those boys playing grab ass?
Mary: No. Dungeons & Dragons.
Herschel Sparks: So everybody's got their trousers up?
Mary: Yes.
Herschel Sparks: What's the problem?
Mary: The game contains demonology, which goes against the teachings of the church.
Herschel Sparks: But nobody's touching nothing, right?
Mary: No.
Herschel Sparks: Well, then I don't quite know what you're worried about.

Sheldon: No, I won't go. I don't believe in God.
Mary: Well, now, what you believe in is not the point.
Pastor Jeff: Mary, if I may Sheldon, I understand you hope to be a scientist someday.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Pastor Jeff: Well, let me ask you a question. You say you don't believe in God, but what kind of scientist comes to a conclusion without first doing the research?
Sheldon: A bad scientist.
Pastor Jeff: That's right. So I'll see you Sunday morning at 8:00.
Sheldon: No, you won't. I cast a second level spell of invisibility on myself.
Meemaw: Well, that game isn't making him any smarter.

Ira Rosenbloom: All right, so what can I do for you?
Sheldon: What's it like to be Jewish?
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, it's terrible. I don't recommend it.
Sheldon: Why?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, for starters, your life is hemmed in by ancient, pointless rules. There's a lot of yelling, and, uh, you're probably not gonna get into a good country club.

Ira Rosenbloom: Hold on a second. Hold I got a question for you, Sheldon. When you grow up, are you planning on living in Texas?
Sheldon: Probably.
Ira Rosenbloom: Then I strongly advise you to stay Baptist. Maybe even wear a cross.

Sheldon: Why did you move to Texas?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, that's simple. Medford had no Jews, so there was an opening for one.
Sheldon: And you got it? Good for you.
Ira Rosenbloom: (chuckles) I love this kid.
Meemaw: Me, too.

Adult Sheldon: I never heard from One and Zero again. Although, I was once visited by Nine when I had chickenpox. He was a lot less funny than he thought he was.