Ira Rosenbloom Quotes

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Ira Rosenbloom: So, Sheldon, you hungry? You want a nosh?
Sheldon: I don't know, I've never eaten a nosh.
Ira Rosenbloom: (chuckling) Uh, no, a nosh isn't a thing, it's a never mind. Um, would you care for some hard candy?
Sheldon: Are they kosher?
Ira Rosenbloom: Who are you, my mother?

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Ira Rosenbloom: [sobbing] I'm sorry. I thought I could handle this.
Meemaw: It's okay.
Ira Rosenbloom: You know, you get older, and you think your skin is thicker-
Meemaw: It's okay.
Ira Rosenbloom: -and your heart is tougher. But it's not, it's the other way around!

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Ira Rosenbloom: John, you're a great guy.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you, too!
Ira Rosenbloom: But I hope you understand, I just I can't give up on Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's all right. To tell you the truth, I'm finding the competition quite exhilarating.
Ira Rosenbloom: You are?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, yes. The night the dinette set arrived, I did my first push-up in 40 years.
Ira Rosenbloom: I'm sorry, but I find that to be, uh- What's the word, Astro-boobulous?
Dr. John Sturgis: Ostrobogulous.
Ira Rosenbloom: Ostrobogulous.
Dr. John Sturgis: Exactly.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Ira Rosenbloom: All right, so what can I do for you?
Sheldon: What's it like to be Jewish?
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, it's terrible. I don't recommend it.
Sheldon: Why?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, for starters, your life is hemmed in by ancient, pointless rules. There's a lot of yelling, and, uh, you're probably not gonna get into a good country club.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Ira Rosenbloom: Hold on a second. Hold I got a question for you, Sheldon. When you grow up, are you planning on living in Texas?
Sheldon: Probably.
Ira Rosenbloom: Then I strongly advise you to stay Baptist. Maybe even wear a cross.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Sheldon: Why did you move to Texas?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, that's simple. Medford had no Jews, so there was an opening for one.
Sheldon: And you got it? Good for you.
Ira Rosenbloom: (chuckles) I love this kid.
Meemaw: Me, too.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Ira Rosenbloom: So, how's the brisket?
Meemaw: It's good. It ain't my brisket, but it's good.
Ira Rosenbloom: I should take you to New York so you could taste some authentic Jewish brisket.
Meemaw: How's it different?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, it's pretty much the same except it's-it's a lot juicier and you can feel the fat go directly to your heart.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Ira Rosenbloom: I got to tell you, this is an unexpected surprise.
Meemaw: Here's to surprises.
Ira Rosenbloom: 'Cause last I heard, you and John were still going out.
Meemaw: Well, now I'm not, and I'm here with you, so let's not talk about him.
Ira Rosenbloom: Ooh. Sounds like this breakup is a little fresh.
Meemaw: Yeah, it was pretty recent.
Ira Rosenbloom: What, like, a week? Month?
Meemaw: Literally as I was calling you.
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, I'm glad that I was the first person that came to mind.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Actually, you were his idea.
Ira Rosenbloom: Still glad.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Ira Rosenbloom: Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend comes home from the mental hospital, he dumps you, and he suggests that you go out with me?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Ira Rosenbloom: Sounds like a spite date.
Meemaw: Well, gosh, when you say it like that, doesn't sound great.
Ira Rosenbloom: No.No, no, I'm fine with it. I just I want to make sure I got everything right.
Meemaw: Hospital, dumped, spite. You got it.
Ira Rosenbloom: All right. I hear the creamed spinach is terrific.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Meemaw: So, enough about me. What's been going on in your life?
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, boy. Well, after you and I broke up, I took the opportunity to work on myself. Started playing tennis again. Uh, I-I bought a telescope, which is pretty cool because you-you got to see the Moon all big and things. And, uh, I-I tried Vietnamese food for the first time, which did not go well. Oh, very spicy. You wouldn't believe the heartburn. Not enough Tums in the world.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Meemaw: Thank you so much, Ira. I really needed this.
Ira Rosenbloom: You're welcome.
Meemaw: We should do it again. What's your Friday night look like?
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, no, Friday's no good 'cause we're doing inventory at the store.
Meemaw: Oh, okay. Well, how about the weekend?
Ira Rosenbloom: No, no, no, that's not good for me, either.
Meemaw: Are you blowing me off?
Ira Rosenbloom: Is it that obvious?
Meemaw: Well, I don't understand why. I mean, I-I thought we had a nice time.
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, we did. But you're still hung up on John, and I don't want to have my heart broken again, so I'm gonna respectfully pass.
Meemaw: Unbelievable.
Ira Rosenbloom: I know. It turns out I do have a shred of dignity. [chuckles] I'm as surprised as you are.
Meemaw: [chuckles] I'm not having a good week.

Quote from the episode Demons, Sunday School, and Prime Numbers

Sheldon: What about God?
Ira Rosenbloom: What about him?
Sheldon: Does he play a part in your life?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, historically, he's gotten a kick out of punishing us.

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Ira Rosenbloom: You can get lox, bagels, all the trimmings at 3:30 in the morning.
Meemaw: Why would I want that?
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, you wouldn't. I mean, it's too heavy. But you could if you wanted. So, what do you think?

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Meemaw: I thought I could do it, uh you know, date both of you, but I-I can't, I can't, I just I'm not cut out for it.
Ira Rosenbloom: Okay, suggestion. And maybe you've already thought of this but what do you say you break up with him and only see me?

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Ira Rosenbloom: Rosenbloom's Fine Furniture. Ira speaking.
Meemaw: Why are you sending me furniture?
Ira Rosenbloom: I've decided I can't go away quietly. I'm fighting for your love.
Meemaw: With a dinette set?
Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, this isn't just any dinette set. It's our biggest seller. And it's not pressed wood It's oak!
Meemaw: Ira, I don't like this.
Ira Rosenbloom: Would you prefer a leather sectional?

Quote from the episode Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and a Dinette Set

Ira Rosenbloom: Haven't slept in days. It's like I'm a lovesick teenager, except I remember the Truman administration.