Mary: Shelly, why don't you put your book down and watch your sister play? It's getting exciting.
Sheldon: It looks like everyone's just standing there.
George: There's two outs, bases are loaded, a-and the winning run's on second.
Meemaw: But if Missy throws one more strike, they'll win.
Sheldon: And then we can go home? That is exciting.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] John here. I'm calling to confirm a time for beer and socializing this weekend.
George: Oh, damn. I forgot we had plans. Um, I'm actually going camping.
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay.
George: I'm real sorry. Uh, the invitation kind of came up last minute.
Dr. John Sturgis: You may not know this, but, um, I love camping.
George: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, yes. I spent a year backpacking through Asia.
George: I mean, I'd invite you along, but it's not really my trip. I'm going with Connie's friend Dale.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I'll just hang out with another friend this weekend.
George: Great.
Dr. John Sturgis: I just need to make one first.

Meemaw: [on the phone] Do not be a jerk to John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, why would I be a jerk?
Meemaw: You're gonna be camping. You're gonna be in the woods. You're gonna be drinking. You're a jerk without any of that.

Dale: [on the phone] Don't worry. I know how to get along with people.
Meemaw: Knowing how and doing it are two different things.
Dale: Okay, okay. I-I'll be nice.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dale: To your goofy little friend.

Meemaw: [on the phone] Listen, I want to warn you about Dale. He's kind of a guy's guy. Sometimes his sense of humor can be a little mean-spirited. Just don't let it hurt your feelings.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you don't have to worry about me. We physicists are no strangers to smack talk. I once told Dr. Linkletter he wouldn't know a randomized trial if it crawled up his sphincter.

Dale: So, Johnny, that's quite the outfit you got on there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thanks.
Dale: I just got one question. Where do the merit badges go?
Dr. John Sturgis: Because I look like a Boy Scout?
Dale: Yeah, that's kind of the joke there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I accept your jocular insult as a token of bonding.
Dale: Well, if you like that one, how about this? Uh, I haven't seen legs that white since-
George: Hey. Why don't we talk about something else?
Dr. John Sturgis: George, it's all right. You don't need to protect me. I can take it, and I can dish it right back.
Dale: Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, babe.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hmm. It would help if I knew a little more about you. Were you, by chance, a bed wetter?

Dr. John Sturgis: Fun fact: in Finland, they make a fire that's two long logs sitting on top of each other with a wedge of wood in between to let the air flow through.
Dale: Aw. That's your idea of fun, is it?

Missy: Can we just sign it and play?
Sheldon: I've signed my name. Feel free to draw an "X."
Missy: I know how to write my name, Sheldon. Damn it, I wrote "Sheldon."

Dale: Everybody, dig in.
Sheldon: Fun fact: did you know that pizza is only one of many Mediterranean flatbreads?
Dale: You talking to me?
Mary: Shelly, this is Mr. Ballard's first time eating with us. Let's make sure it's not his last.

Sheldon: Does a family meal mark an escalation in your romantic relationship?
Dale: That's a good question. Does it?
Meemaw: You know what? Why don't you go sit at the kid table with your sister?
Sheldon: Where do I begin? They're loud, they're sweaty from sports...
Meemaw: Get.

Mary: So, how are you enjoying your first meal with our family?
Dale: Well, everybody's mean. I love it.

Missy: Why can't I go fishing?
Mary: It's a boys' weekend.
Missy: Then why isn't Sheldon going?
Meemaw: Do you hear yourself?
Sheldon: Do you?

Georgie: Suddenly, camping with Dr. Sturgis doesn't seem so bad.
Meemaw: Uh, excuse me camping with who?
George: Whoa. Dale didn't mention it?
Meemaw: No.
George: I'm guessing John didn't mention it.
Meemaw: No.
George: Hmm.
Meemaw: And when were you gonna mention it?
George: Oh, I was never gonna mention it.

Sheldon: Missy, how would you feel if there were somewhere just like Chuck E. Cheese, but instead of pizza and ball pits, there was locomotives and placards explaining their history?
Missy: That's just the museum.
Sheldon: I didn't think she'd see through that.

Meemaw: I know it's been a while, but I really have to talk to you. I understand you might not want to hear about my dating life, but if you hadn't died, I wouldn't be in this situation. So this is on you.