Dale: Why are you handcuffed? Why is she handcuffed?
Officer Gilroy: She's a flight risk.
Dale: What is she talking about?
Meemaw: I was just taking the baby for a walk, and Cagney and Lacey here decided that I was evading arrest.

Dale: Oh, Connie. H-How much is bail?
Officer Gilroy: Won't know till Monday.
Meemaw: What?
Officer Gilroy: Judge left town for the weekend.
Meemaw: Well, get him back.
Officer Gilroy: Can't. Gone fishing.
Dale: Beautiful day for it. Where'd he go?
Meemaw: Dale.
Dale: Right.

Meemaw: Oh, my God. Dale, take the baby home.
Dale: Me? Why don't you call Mary?
Meemaw: The last thing I want is for her to know about this.
Officer Gilroy: I'll watch the baby if you like.
Dale: There you go, problem solved.
Meemaw: No. Take the baby.
Dale: [groans] Yeah. Well, is there anything I can bring you?
Meemaw: Yeah, a cake with a file in it.
Officer Gilroy: [laughs] Good one.

Officer Gilroy: All right, let's get you to your cell. So, that beautiful little girl is your granddaughter?
Meemaw: Great-granddaughter.
Officer Gilroy: I never locked up a great-grandma before.
Meemaw: Well, isn't this your lucky day?

George: [answers phone] Hey, Dale, what's up? You're kidding. Till Monday?
Missy: What's going on?
George: Shh! Well, is there anything I can do? Yeah, I know a couple lawyers.
Missy: Who needs a lawyer?
Sheldon: [still holding the phone] Meemaw's in jail.
George: Hang up.

Missy: What's she in jail for?
Sheldon: I'm not sure. Some kind of room got shut down.
Missy: Oh, the gambling room.
Sheldon: What?
Missy: Yeah, in the back of the laundromat.
Sheldon: Isn't that illegal?
Missy: Yeah, that's why she's in jail.

Mary: George told me about the arrest.
Dale: Oh. Yeah. Boy, I know how to pick 'em, huh?
Mary: Is she okay?
Dale: Oh, yeah, she's a tough old bird.
Mary: Well, let me take the baby off your hands till the kids come back.
Dale: Well, but we're having such a good time.
Mary: Dale.
Dale: She likes me.
Mary: Dale.
Dale: [sighs] Oh. Fine. You get the baby, I'll grab her Binky. [Mary goes inside] You know, she really does like me.

Georgie: You think CeeCee's gonna be an only child?
Mandy: I don't know. For a while she is. Why?
Georgie: Well, since we're man and wife now, we got to make plans.
Mandy: I'm almost back in my old jeans. This can wait.
Georgie: Well, I'm just saying, I liked having a brother and sister. Don't you like having a brother?
Mandy: Eh.
Georgie: So, y'all didn't get along?
Mandy: I picked on him. I made him cry a lot.
Georgie: That's what I did with Sheldon. Don't you want CeeCee to have that?

Missy: Are there any other family secrets that I don't know about?
Missy: Um... actually, yes.
Sheldon: Tell me.
Missy: No, you couldn't handle it.
Sheldon: Now I have to know.
Missy: Okay. You ever wonder why Mom made that prayer garden in the back yard?
Sheldon: To pray.
Missy: You're so naive. [whispers] There's a dead body under there.
Sheldon: Whose?
Missy: I've already said too much.

Audrey: I can't believe this. What kind of a family has my daughter married into?
Mary: To be clear, I did not condone any of this.
Audrey: Doesn't matter. This is a criminal environment, and I'm taking the baby. [Sheldon opens a door]
Mary: [gasps] Over my dead body. [Sheldon retreats] CeeCee is my granddaughter, too, and she is perfectly safe here.
Audrey: Well, as long as she's here, I'm here.
Mary: Fine. Are you hungry? I have half a bucket of spaghetti in the fridge.
Audrey: I could eat.
Mary: All right, I'll go heat it up. [takes the stroller]
Audrey: [scoffs] What? You think I'm gonna take the baby and run?
Mary: Yes. Would you like some garlic bread?
Audrey: That sounds nice.

Georgie: Point is, I want to spoil you, so whatever you want.
Mandy: Well, right now, I just want you.
Georgie: Really? Now?
Mandy: Yeah.
Georgie: Hot damn. Just so you know, I promised my dad I'd use condoms.
Mandy: [chuckles] Good.

Meemaw: My chariot awaits.
Dale: Oh. Did you have dinner?
Meemaw: They ordered in some pizza from Del Bonos.
Dale: That sounds good. I had cold spaghetti.

Meemaw: Well, I'll see you Monday.
Dale: Well, they have visiting hours. I can come tomorrow morning.
Meemaw: Not till 1:00.
Dale: Oh, I see. My game's on. So, how about 4:30 or 5:00?
Meemaw: I'll see you Monday.
Dale: All right. See ya. [Meemaw leaves] Well, why does she get pizza? I want pizza.

George: Well, right now it's kind of a standoff. They're eating spaghetti, and Mary's holding the baby hostage.
Jim: All right. What's our play?
George: Well, I figured we'll be dealing with each other for the rest of our lives, so we got to keep things civil.
Jim: I'm with you.
George: [stammers] Let me start by saying, you are a pleasure.
Jim: [chuckles] Oh, back at you.
George: And your daughter is a keeper.
Jim: And your son is a fine young man.
George: Thank you. So, you ready to do this?
Jim: I'm right behind you. [both go inside]
George: Hey, Mare, look who stopped by.

Jim: Mmm, it's good coffee. Is that Folgers?
Mary: Maxwell House.
Jim: Ah, sure. Good to the last drop. Uh, Audrey, am I crazy, or didn't we used to drink Maxwell House?
Audrey: Yes.
Jim: Mm-hmm. Hmm. Why'd we change? [Audrey looks at Jim] It's a mystery. [chuckles]