George: Speaking of mysteries, Mary, did you ever find that earring you were looking for? [clears throat] Family heirloom just gone.
Audrey: Maybe her mother stole it.
Mary: [exhales sharply] I am not holding the baby anymore, so you better watch it.

Jim: Audrey's uncle was a bank robber.
Audrey: Jim!
Jim: He's in Leavenworth.
Audrey: He's my uncle by marriage.

Jim: Look, a-all I'm saying is every family's got secrets, right?
[Sheldon walks into the kitchen]
George: We sure got some skeletons in the closet.
Mary: We do not. [Sheldon quickly leaves] Other than my mother. [breathes deeply]
George: And?
Mary: [sighs] My cousin Janine is a practicing witch, but that's it.
George: Worships Satan. [Mary sighs heavily]