Sheldon: Greetings, fellow students. I'm running for class president. Here's a button. Have a grown-up put them on you. They're sharp.

Sheldon: This was a great idea. Children like cupcakes, and, by giving them cupcakes, they'll transfer that affinity to me.
Mary: That's another way of looking at it.
Sheldon: By that reasoning, a rich person could simply buy people's votes.
Mary: It's been known to happen.
Sheldon: Until my ship comes in, I guess it's cupcakes.

Sheldon: Nell Cavanaugh, it appears we're taking the mittens off.

Sheldon: Anything you can do to help me win a decisive victory come Election Day would be much appreciated.
Mr. Givens: Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, the faculty doesn't get involved in student elections.
Sheldon: Oh, I understand. You have to remain neutral. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: I'm sorry, wink, wink?
Sheldon: You want new science equipment and I want that for you. One hand washes the other. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: Oh, sure, wink, wink.
Sheldon: Now you're getting it. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: Wink, wink.
Sheldon: Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: That kid creeps me out.

Nell Cavanaugh: Thank you, Ms. MacElroy, Principal Petersen, our hard-working teachers, and my fellow students. I'm blessed to call so many of you friends. Y'all probably know everything about me already. Lord knows I love to talk. So instead of going on about myself, I'd like to talk to you about my opponent. Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying for new science equipment here at Medford High, and while that sounds wonderful, the truth is, he thinks our school wastes its money on football. Do we really want a class president who doesn't care about football? No! I know I am proud to be a Medford High cheerleader, and I love football! But you know the one thing I love more than football? God. Let me tell you another interesting fact about my opponent. Did you know that Sheldon Cooper is an atheist? That's right. He doesn't believe in God. Just keep that in mind when you cast your vote today. I'm Nell Cavanaugh. Go Wolves!

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice on how to overcome a fear of public speaking?
Dr. John Sturgis: Ah, you know, when I was a young man I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience.
Sheldon: What did you do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, it kinda took care of itself. One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it was fine. When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab. Big crowds, small crowds, you couldn't shut me up.
Sheldon: I don't see how that can benefit me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing next time there are clouds on the horizon.

Adult Sheldon: Another hurdle in my political career was glossophobia: fear of public speaking.
I've been known to experience dry mouth, perspiration, heart palpitations, and fainting. A similar response to what I experience around unleashed dogs.

Sheldon: Well, it's not fair. It's a school. Education should be their priority.
George: All right, I'll explain it again-
Meemaw: I think Shelly's got a point. The school is supposed to prepare these kids for the future. How many of 'em are gonna be professional football players?
Missy: No one at this table.

Meemaw: But how many of 'em are gonna be scientists?
Sheldon: I know.

Mary: George, isn't there a way they can take some of the football money and spend it on science?
George: Really? I need to explain it again?

Sheldon: President Cooper. That's serendipitous.

Sheldon: Guess what. I'm running for class president.
Mary: Good for you.
Missy: You're encouraging him? He's gonna get destroyed.
Mary: You don't know that.
Missy: I feel like I do.
Mary: Well, whether you win or not, I think it's great that you're trying.
Sheldon: But you think I'll win, right?
Missy: God's listening, Mom.

Mary: I think it's certainly possible. Do you have a campaign strategy?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: Do you have a catchy slogan?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Does he have a shot at winning? No.

Meemaw: Well, that's unfortunate.
Sheldon: Oh, this goes well beyond unfortunate. It's flat-out unfair.
Meemaw: Did you not say that you love homework?
Sheldon: Of course I said it. I say it all the time. But she took it out of context and is using it against me.
Meemaw: Well, that is what happens in politics. People stretch the truth.
Sheldon: Well, those people are dirty dogs.
Meemaw: They certainly are. Now, let me ask you something. How bad do you want to win this election?
Sheldon: Bad enough to let 105 kids shake my mitten.
Meemaw: Okay, then you need to toughen up. Politics is not for the weak-kneed.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting that I fight fire with fire?
Meemaw: I am. So going to my room and crying in my pillow is not an option?
Meemaw: It is not.
Sheldon: Then I have some thinking to do.

Missy: Oh, yeah. You're screwed.
Sheldon: Which is why I need your help.
Missy: Why me?
Sheldon: You're ruthless. I've seen you cheat at Candy Land.
Missy: Thanks. Go on.