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219 - A Political Campaign and a Candy Land Cheater

Aired Thursday, April 25, 2019
A Political Campaign and a Candy Land Cheater

When Sheldon gets tired of school funds going to the football program rather than the science department, he decides to run for class president.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "A Political Campaign" refers to Sheldon running for class president and "a Candy Land Cheater" refers to Sheldon's comment about Missy, whose help he sought for a dirty tricks campaign.

> Bazinga

When Principal Petersen wonders whether Sheldon is joking with his letter of complaint to the school board, Sheldon responds "Did you see the word 'bazinga' anywhere in that letter?"

Quotes

Principal Petersen: [screams]
Sheldon: [screams]
Principal Petersen: What are you doing, standing there?
Sheldon: I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board on how much money is spent on football. I was hoping you could deliver it to them.
Principal Petersen: You do realize your father's a coach here.
Sheldon: Yes, sir, I do.
Principal Petersen: Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first.
Sheldon: I did. He didn't care for the idea at all.
Principal Petersen: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: There I go what?
Principal Petersen: Let me see that. "Barbaric sport encourages bloodlust similar to Roman gladiator games Christians, lions money better spent on science and learning." You're joking, right?
Sheldon: Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter?
Principal Petersen: Out.

Sheldon: Guess what. I'm running for class president.
Mary: Good for you.
Missy: You're encouraging him? He's gonna get destroyed.
Mary: You don't know that.
Missy: I feel like I do.
Mary: Well, whether you win or not, I think it's great that you're trying.
Sheldon: But you think I'll win, right?
Missy: God's listening, Mom.

Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to speak to the mayor, please. My name is Sheldon Cooper. I'm running for class president and was hoping he could give me some advice. I'm ten years old. But if it helps get him on the phone, I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student, and have impeccable hygiene.

Mayor Harrison: Hello. This is Mayor Harrison. I understand you are running for office.
Sheldon: Class president. Do you have any advice on how to win?
Mayor Harrison: The most important thing is to get out there and connect with people.
Sheldon: That's tricky. I'm not terribly fond of people.
Mayor Harrison: Well, you might need to get over that.
Sheldon: Assuming I can, how do I connect with them?
Mayor Harrison: A friendly handshake is a great start.
Sheldon: Oh, boy. Now I have to touch them?

Sheldon: Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, and I'm running for class president.
Abby: Yeah?
Sheldon: I understand you had a baby last year. If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it.

Episode Trivia

  • How many kids did Sheldon let "shake his mitten"?
    • 10
    • 150
    • 5
    • 105
  • Where in New York state was Nell Cavanaugh from?
    • Mount Vernon
    • New Rochelle
    • Scarsdale
    • Yonkers

Episode Recap

Adult Sheldon explains that not all science is created equal: physics is the undisputed best, then chemistry, and finally biology. In biology class, Mr. Givens talks the students through an experiment which requires them to put their saliva in the blue Benedict’s solution. The samples will then be mixed in the centrifuge and will pass through a spectrometer to measure how much glucose is present. On Mr. Givens’ instruction, Sheldon gets up and deposits his sample in the centrifuge with the other samples. After Sheldon turns on the machine, it starts to rattle and smoke. Later, an alarmed Sheldon emerges in the hallway covered in the blue solution.

Over dinner, George tells the family that because of some extra money in the budget he was able to order the tackling dummies he had his eye on. Sheldon doesn’t see why the football program gets extra money when the science equipment is falling apart. George points out this is Texas where football is king. Mary asks George if there isn’t a way to take some of the football money and spend it on science, but he wonders if he needs to explain that it’s Texas again. After Meemaw tells Sheldon about the history of hippies protesting, Sheldon considers writing a formal letter of complaint to the school board.

In Principal Petersen’s office, he is surprised when he looks up and sees Sheldon standing right in front of his desk. Sheldon explains he has written a letter of complaint to the school board about the football budget and was hoping he could deliver it to them. Petersen points out Sheldon’s dad is a coach at the school, but Sheldon isn’t dettered. Petersen reads the letter, which argues football encourages bloodlust similar to Roman gladiator games. After Petersen sends Sheldon away, Sheldon sees a poster in the receptionist’s office inviting students to run for student office.

When Sheldon goes to see Ms. MacElroy, who is in charge of student elections, she is startled when he says hello right in front of her desk. After Sheldon explains he wants to run for class president, Ms. MacElroy warns him he’ll be running against Nell Cavanaugh, who is well-liked by the student body. Sheldon doesn’t see the issue and makes Ms. MacElroy come out and say it: people don’t like him. Sheldon argues elections should be about policies, not popularity. Ms. MacElroy’s estimation of Sheldon’s chances does not improve when he explains his platform of more money for science, less for football.

Back home, Sheldon goes to the kitchen to tell Mary that he is running for class president. Missy is surprised her mother is supporting this, arguing Sheldon doesn’t have a chance of winning. Mary says it’s great that he’s trying, whether he wins or not. When Sheldon asks Mary if she thinks he’ll win, Missy reminds her mother that God is listening. Mary insists she is hopeful, at least until Sheldon admits he doesn’t have a campaign strategy or a catchy slogan.

In the living room, Sheldon phones up the mayor’s office to speak to him. After Sheldon explains he’s running for class president and could use some advice, Mayor Harrison tells him that the most important part is getting out there and connecting with people. Sheldon admits he’s not terribly fond of people. The mayor thinks he’ll need to get over that and a recommends a friendly handshake to connect with people. Sheldon isn’t thrilled at the thought of touching people.

Sheldon mounts his campaign over the next few days. In the school hallway, he goes up to a fellow student to give her a campaign poster and ask her to shake his gloved hand. Later, he hands out buttons with the text “Vote for Sheldon”, warning them to have a grown-up attach the button. Sheldon even tells one student, who had a baby last year, that if she brings the infant in, he’ll try to kiss it. As Sheldon hands out pencils bearing his campaign logo, he hands one to a girl who says it’s so nice to finally meet him. After Sheldon tells her that the pencils are #2 and can be used on homework, he mentions how much he loves homework. The girl introduces herself as Nell Cavanaugh, Sheldon’s opponent.

Back home, Sheldon tells his mother that he met his opponent. He mentions she was really nice and even said “May the best student win.” Sheldon is pleased that Mary is baking cupcakes as students will transfer their feelings of affection for cupcakes to him.

In the school cafeteria, Veronica is laughing as she shows Georgie a cupcake from Sheldon’s campaign. Georgie admits he hates that his brother is doing this, but Veronica thinks it’s cute. Veronica says she would have thought he’d be proud of his younger brother. After Georgie says that’s because she’s a better person than he his, Veronica suggests he ask God to take away his anger and replace it with love. Georgie wonders if he can pray to have his brother taken away instead.

After Sheldon leaves class, he is surprised to see negative campaign posters bearing his image. The poster says a vote for Sheldon is a vote for more homework and feature his quote, “I love homework.” At the bottom, the posters carry an instruction to vote for Nell Cavanaugh instead.

At Meemaw’s house, Sheldon shows her the negative poster. Sheldon says it’s unfair, but Meemaw points out this is what happens in politics. Sheldon admits he did actually say that about loving homework, but he feels it’s being taken out of context. When Meemaw asks him how bad he wants to win this election, Sheldon says bad enough to let 105 kids shake his mitten. Meemaw tells him to toughen up then as politics is not for the weak-kneed.

When Sheldon returns home, he shows the poster to Missy. Sheldon admits he needs her help as he’s seen how ruthless she is at Candyland. Sheldon explains he would like to retaliate but doesn’t know anything about Nell. When Missy encourages him to just make something up, Sheldon insists he won’t resort to lying. Missy mentions there’s a Denise Cavanaugh in her class, who may be Nell’s little sister. Missy says she’ll see if she can dig up anything about her that he could use.

When Sheldon goes to Georgie’s room to see whether he’ll be voting for him, Georgie is quick to say he will not. Not even when Sheldon says he could make him a hall monitor. After Sheldon leaves, Georgie follows Veronica’s advice and prays to God for him to take away his anger towards his little brother, and not let him be president.

After Mr. Givens’ class, Sheldon goes to tell him he is working hard on the campaign to get more funding for the science department. After Sheldon says anything Mr. Givens could do to help him win a decisive victory would be much appreciated, Mr. Givens says the faculty doesn’t get involved in student elections. Sheldon says he understands he has to remain neutral, wink wink. Mr. Givens is puzzled until Sheldon suggests a quid pro quo, wink wink. Mr. Givens gives up fighting and repeats wink wink to Sheldon, whom he admits creeps him out.

Back home, Adult Sheldon mentions that another hurdle in his political career was his fear of public speaking. When Sheldon phones up Pastor Jeff for advice, hoping he might have some words of advice on the subject as he gives a sermon every week. Pastor Jeff says he does, explaining that when he looks down on his congregation, he lets the Lord speak through him. Sheldon thinks that sounds like ventriloquism and makes Pastor Jeff like one of the Muppets. Pastor Jeff says good luck and hangs up.

When Dr. Sturgis gets a phone call, Sheldon explains he has to give a public speech and was hoping for some help. Dr. Sturgis admits he had a terrible fear of public speaking when he was younger. After Sheldon wonders what he did to fix it, John says it took care of itself when he was playing miniature golf with colleagues and got struck by lightning. Sheldon doesn’t see how that will help him.

As an anxious Sheldon sits on the couch, George wonders if there’s something wrong. Sheldon explains he has to give a speech in front of the entire assembly and is a little nervous. George admits he’s been there. When he first started coaching, he was real nervous to talk to the team and give them a pep talk. George says he realized he was talking to teenage football players, most of whom wouldn’t be listening to a word he said. George tells Sheldon that he  doesn’t give himself enough credit for being brave. He’s a ten-year-old in high school, where everyone is older and bigger than him, and yet he keeps it at it day after day.

Emboldened by his father’s pep talk, Sheldon began working on his speech. As he writes his speech on the computer, Missy comes into the bedroom and tells him she dug up some dirt on Nell. Sheldon thanks Missy, but says he doesn’t want to stoop to Nell’s level. If he can’t win on the quality of his ideas, he’d rather lose with his head held high. Missy gives him the note anyway, just in case he changes his mind.

In the school auditorium, Ms. MacElroy introduces the students to their two candidates for class president. Ms. MacElroy implores them to listen carefully to the speeches as one of the contenders will become their class president. When Nell goes first, she graciously thanks everyone at the school, makes a joke at her own expense, and says instead of going on about herself, she would like to talk about her opponent. Nell explains Sheldon has been lobbying for new science equipment and, while that sounds wonderful, he also thinks the school wastes its money on football. Nell asks the students if they want a president who doesn’t care about football. After declaring her love for football, Nell says the one thing she loves more than football is God. In contrast, she announces that Sheldon is an atheist. The crowd applaud Nell as she finishes her speech and sits down.

When Ms. MacElroy calls Sheldon to the podium, after first putting a footstool down for him, just one person in the audience claps. Sheldon’s vision is blurry as he looks out at the audience. He opens his folder and takes out Missy’s note. In a weak voice, Sheldon tells the audience that Nell Cavanaugh is a Yankee. She was born in Scarsdale, New York and didn’t move to Texas until she was seven-years-old. She even has a pennant for the New York Yankees in her room. As the crowd start booing Nell, Sheldon tries to take the audience with him by promising that, even if he doesn’t believe in God or sport, he’ll do his best to get new science equipment for the school. The crowd is silent again. Sheldon tries to salvage the situation by finishing with “Don’t mess with Texas.” As the crowd cheer and start chanting Sheldon’s name, Georgie has his face in his hands.

As President Sheldon Cooper, Sheldon gives the morning announcement over the tannoy system. After he asks everyone to rise for the pledge of allegiance, Sheldon stands up and puts his hand on his chest. When Sheldon gets to the words “One Nation”, he goes off script to give a lecture on the history of the following two words, “under God”, which were not added until 1954. Sheldon explains his first act as their president will be to remove those words. Principal Petersen comes into the receptionist’s office and cuts Sheldon off. Georgie thanks God as he follows Principal Petersen giving the pledge again.

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