Meemaw: Well, that's unfortunate.
Sheldon: Oh, this goes well beyond unfortunate. It's flat-out unfair.
Meemaw: Did you not say that you love homework?
Sheldon: Of course I said it. I say it all the time. But she took it out of context and is using it against me.
Meemaw: Well, that is what happens in politics. People stretch the truth.
Sheldon: Well, those people are dirty dogs.
Meemaw: They certainly are. Now, let me ask you something. How bad do you want to win this election?
Sheldon: Bad enough to let 105 kids shake my mitten.
Meemaw: Okay, then you need to toughen up. Politics is not for the weak-kneed.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting that I fight fire with fire?
Meemaw: I am. So going to my room and crying in my pillow is not an option?
Meemaw: It is not.
Sheldon: Then I have some thinking to do.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know that I'm still working hard on my campaign to get more funding for the science department.
Mr. Givens: Oh, great, 'cause I've got to dig up tomorrow's worms myself.

Sheldon: Hello, I'd like to speak to the mayor, please. My name is Sheldon Cooper. I'm running for class president and was hoping he could give me some advice. I'm ten years old. But if it helps get him on the phone, I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student, and have impeccable hygiene.

Principal Petersen: [screams]
Sheldon: [screams]
Principal Petersen: What are you doing, standing there?
Sheldon: I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board on how much money is spent on football. I was hoping you could deliver it to them.
Principal Petersen: You do realize your father's a coach here.
Sheldon: Yes, sir, I do.
Principal Petersen: Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first.
Sheldon: I did. He didn't care for the idea at all.
Principal Petersen: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: There I go what?
Principal Petersen: Let me see that. "Barbaric sport encourages bloodlust similar to Roman gladiator games Christians, lions money better spent on science and learning." You're joking, right?
Sheldon: Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter?
Principal Petersen: Out.