Ira Rosenbloom: [answering phone] Rosenbloom's Fine Furniture. Ira speaking.
Meemaw: Hello, Ira. It's Connie Tucker.
Ira Rosenbloom: Connie. Oh, my gosh. How are you?
Meemaw: He wants to know how I am.
Dr. John Sturgis: Tell him.
Meemaw: I'll call you back.

Meemaw: Can you believe it?
Mary: It sounds like he has your best interests at heart.
Meemaw: Men don't break up with me. I do the breaking up.
George: Well, I think it's nice that you can still experience new things at your age.
Meemaw: Keep it up, and you won't get to my age.

Mary: So, are you gonna go out with Ira?
Meemaw: Well, I don't know why not.
Mary: Is that really what you want?
Meemaw: Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna sit home by myself while I try and figure it out.
Mary: Doesn't sound like you're being nice to Ira.
George: She's not nice. Been saying it for years.

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello!
Mary: Come in.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, uh, Connie is, uh, okay with my being here?
Mary: Don't worry about it or, you know, mention it.

Georgie: Where's Meemaw?
George: Not here tonight.
Georgie: Why?
Sheldon: As I understand it, now that Dr. Sturgis is back from the hospital, he and Meemaw are figuring out how their relationship is going to work.
Missy: What does that mean?
Georgie: Sounds like she dumped him.
George: Actually, he's the one-
Mary: Sheldon, didn't you want to talk about science stuff?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Good. Do that right now.

Mary: Why don't you take John to a bar or something?
George: Why?
Mary: 'Cause the children don't need to hear about how attractive he finds their grandmother.
George: Why don't you take him out?
Mary: Fine. You make sure the kids take baths and get to bed. Oh, and Sheldon needs his fingernails trimmed.
[cut to:]
George: Hey, John, what do you say you and I go grab a beer?

Dr. John Sturgis: But we haven't cut open the pineapple yet.
Mary: You boys go ahead. We'll eat the pineapple another time.
Sheldon: But we haven't had a chance to talk about science.
George: Ooh, can Sheldon come?
Sheldon: Can I?
Mary: No.
Sheldon & John: Aw.

Nate: Hey, George. Who's your friend?
George: Hey, Nate. This is John Sturgis. He's a scientist.
Dr. John Sturgis: Pleased to make your acquaintance, Nate.
Nate: What can I get you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Um, do you have sarsaparilla?
George: Two beers. We'll take two beers.

Sheldon: I must admit, after the breakup, I was worried, but now that Dr. Sturgis and Dad are friends, we'll be seeing even more of him.
Missy: How do we see less of him?
Mary: That is not nice.
Missy: Sorry, but I'm on Meemaw's side. She got me a two-piece bathing suit.

Sheldon: I didn't realize we were expected to take sides.
Mary: No one needs to take sides.
Missy: When Heather M. 's parents got divorced, she said it was like picking sides, but you get twice the presents.
Mary: This isn't a divorce.
Sheldon: And I'm sure Meemaw and Dr. Sturgis will still be friends.
Missy: Heather M.'s parents aren't friends. But now she's got Barbie's DreamHouse and the pink Corvette. You heard me.

Dr. John Sturgis: Can you believe Connie was my first girlfriend?
George: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: And probably my last.
George: Come on, don't talk like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it's true. She may not realize it, but this is all for the best. I'm damaged goods.
George: No, you're not.
Dr. John Sturgis: It had just been so long since I'd had an episode. I thought I was okay. [laughs] But, clearly, I'm not, and, uh, who knows if it'll happen again. And, uh, I just can't take the risk of putting Connie through that.
George: Hey, she's got problems, too. I've seen her take a wine cooler out of the trash and finish it.
Dr. John Sturgis: [laughs]
George: I'm not joking.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, thank you for listening.
George: My pleasure.
Dr. John Sturgis: And if you want to talk about your relationship with Mary, I'm all ears. Intimacy issues, communication difficulties, problems in the bedroom...
George: Hey! Pool table's open.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ah! Wonderful.

Sheldon: Is it difficult to see your mother go out with men who aren't your father?
Mary: Wow. That's a big one. Um I suppose it took some getting used to, but she's a grown-up, and even though Pop-Pop passed away, she deserves to be happy.
Missy: Just so you know, I'd be happy with one American Girl doll.
Mary: And we're done.

George: Have you played much pool?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, in my undergraduate days, all the time. It's just physics and geometry.
George: Is that so?
Dr. John Sturgis: I calculate the angles in my head. Sometimes in radians, sometimes in degrees, depending on my level of whimsy.
George: I'm a radians man myself.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's a joke?
George: Supposed to be.
Dr. John Sturgis: [laughs] Oh, life is funny. A week ago, I was in a mental institution, and now I'm laughing it up in a dive bar.
George: Not just any dive bar. One where everyone knows me.
Dr. John Sturgis: And they are lucky that they do.

Dr. John Sturgis: [snoring]
Mary: What happened?
George: Oh, I had a few beers. He had one.
Missy: Seriously? We can't get a dog, and this guy's still here?