Sheldon: Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.
Tam: My father taught me that we must always honor our guests and treat them with the utmost courtesy.
Sheldon: The Vietnamese are a very welcoming people.
Tam: Yeah, that hasn't always worked out for us.

George: Sheldon, I'm talking to you.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not talking to you.
George: Okay, what's going on?
Sheldon: After having my first good night's sleep in a week, I woke up with a fresh perspective.
George: And that is?
Sheldon: It was irresponsible of you to burden me with that secret.
George: Sheldon, we've been through this. It's complicated.
Sheldon: While I may not look up to you from an intellectual standpoint, I've always looked up to you as a role model. I can't do that anymore. And don't worry, we made a deal. I'll continue to keep your secret.

George: Um, I need to tell you something.
Mary: What did you do?
George: When Sheldon was doing our taxes, he noticed a missing check.
Mary: What did you do?
George: Before I answer, do you trust me enough to understand it was for a good reason and j-just leave it at that?
Mary: What did you do?

Mary: What did you do?
Meemaw: Okay, now, before I answer that-
Mary: Just tell me what you did.
Meemaw: I got a DWI.
Mary: Mom!
Meemaw: It's not as bad as it sounds.
Mary: How is driving drunk not bad?
Meemaw: I wasn't exactly driving.
Mary: I don't follow.
Meemaw: I was at the dog track with Georgie, and I had a few-
Mary: Georgie?

Meemaw: I didn't want Georgie to get into trouble, so I got behind the wheel before the cop walked up. And then I got arrested, and, uh, he bailed me out.
Mary: So you all thought you should keep this from me?
Georgie: Yes.
George: Absolutely.
Meemaw: 100%.

Sheldon: "If you were not covered by a retirement plan, but your spouse was, see the worksheet on page 14." Try and stop me.

Mary: I've been buying groceries for the church food drive. I think that's it.
Sheldon: Ooh, I bet I could write that off, including the gas it took to drive to the grocery store and then to the church.
George: With all that driving, maybe she can count her car as a home office.
Sheldon: Sounds aggressive, but I like how you're thinking.

Sheldon: I balanced the rest of the account, and it appears to be a check for $300.
George: All right, well, let's just put it down for $300 for miscellaneous.
Sheldon: I've never labeled anything miscellaneous in my life.

George: What do you say we keep this quiet?
Sheldon: You mean like a secret?
George: No, no, just, you know, something between you and me.
Sheldon: What about Mom?
George: Mom is on a need-to-know basis.
Sheldon: What if Mom needs to know?
George: Okay, it's a secret. Just trust me. It is better for everyone if she doesn't know about this.
Sheldon: But I'm not good at keeping secrets.
George: It's not hard. Just keep your mouth shut.
Sheldon: But I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut.

Adult Sheldon: There was only so much food I could eat, so I started avoiding my mother whenever possible.
George: [OPENING A CUPBOARD AND FINDING SHELDON] What are you doing in there?
Sheldon: [WHISPERING] Keeping your secret.
George: You got to pull it together.
Sheldon: This is me pulling it together.
George: Pull harder.

Adult Sheldon: Avoiding my mother in our own house was proving to be difficult, so it was time to get creative.
Sheldon: Hello. I'd like to book a room in your hotel. I'd be arriving tonight. No, it's just me. Ooh, a queen bed, that sounds fancy. And how much would this room cost? Wow. Is that per month? Per day? By any chance, do you have a children's rate?

George: So your first sleepover. Pretty exciting, huh?
Sheldon: No. It's not exciting, it's constipating, and I'm only doing it to avoid Mom.

Trang Nguyen: Hello.
George: Hi. You must be Mrs ... Tam's mom. I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper.
Trang Nguyen: Nice to meet you.
George: Thanks for letting him spend the night. It's his first sleepover. He's excited.
Sheldon: Actually, I'm quite apprehens-
George: He's really looking forward to it.

Tam: Okay, whenever you're ready.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Tam: I'm assuming the position.
Sheldon: Okay. Forgive me, Tam, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.
Tam: I forgive you, my son.
Sheldon: I was doing my parents' taxes and noticed a check was missing. I asked my father about it-
Adult Sheldon: As I walked Tam through the whole sordid affair, I could feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. It was a relief to finally unburden myself of this deception. By the time I reached the end, I felt like a new person.
Sheldon: That's the whole story.
Tam: Cool. Can we play now?
Adult Sheldon: And now that my conscience had been cleared, my colon was ready to do the same.
Sheldon: Excuse me. I need to use your bathroom!

George: It's all your mother's fault. She is a bad person. I've been telling you for years.